shadowglitter | PSL || poe/odin

PSL || poe/odin

WAY TO REJECT ME YOU FLIGHTY AIRBORN PIECE OF SHIT! WAY TO FUCK EVERYTHING UP FOR ME AND MY HEART, FOREVER AND EVER, ALWAYS UNTIL FOREVER

HEY YO YOU TOLD ME TO WRITE A LIST SO GUESS WHAT!!!!!! IT'S TIME FOR US TO GET FUNKY AS FUUUUUUCKKKKKKKK

god i am not going to bother formatting this

TO DO LIST:
1. SEXTING FROM BOOT CAMP ringverse AU
2. prince/concubine AU - owain's the prince, poe's a concubine to the king, paranoia and political assassination ensues, etc etc etc etc etc
3. vampire hooker AU?? owain gonna get his gothic goth goth dick wet in that spooky vampire butt
4. HAHA BOOM WE'RE DOING IT I LINKED THE POST DOWN THERE
5. enemies of war AU - owain's a good guy on the bad guy side who almost loses his life trying to save poe even though he's an enemy soldier, poes like What, Shit, Damn, gay shit ensues
6. HNENENGH
7. ANGELS AND DEMONSSSSSSsss
8. 20s AU///?? YES. YES ALRIGHT
9. WW1 AU WHATS Up
10. ?? there was something that was supposed to go here from the kink meme
11. samurai champloo AU what up. chon'sin. Shit
12. bBODYSWAPPpappapp

long-term AU posts:

⚔⛉☆ PLEDGED

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ It's the "I don't want Buddy Mode" that stops him from leaving, and the aborted sound of his name dying on Poe's lips that holds his attention. His eyes dart imperceptibly fast from Poe's eyes to his lips, and then he's looking away. ]

... I mean, I don't blame you for missing me. You're totally not gonna find another dick like mine.

[ He flashes a grin, open mouthed with the tip of his tongue between his teeth, like he's proud of himself for telling a dirty joke and close to giggling at the scandal of it all. But - it's fake, and it's not hard to wipe away when makes headway on his third beer. He remembers, after the haunted house, when he learned about Poe's daughter, that he'd initially only swung by for a hook up to distract himself. He wonders, on one level, if that's all this is - a distraction from The Other Guy.

But he knows Poe pretty well, he thinks. Poe's a lot of things, but he's not a man who would ever intentionally hurt him. He wouldn't intentionally hurt this other guy, either, the one he likes more than Odin. It takes a while for him to internalize all of this, and the seconds pass agonizingly slowly as he drinks and tries to figure out what he wants.

He figures out what he wants far faster than Poe ever has. ]

Okay.

[ he sets his bottle down. his heart is hammering and his palms are sweaty as he reads and rereads into everything poe's telling him. ]

Okay. I can be patient. [ He's looking at Poe, now. ] I mean - there is always going to be a part of me - that waits for you. Even if I'm just waiting for you to message me out of the blue and ask if I'm free to talk about some inconsequential stupid bullshit to pass the time, or - or even if it's just - even if I'm just waiting for you to be up in my room again, laughing about some stupid joke I'm making. You're the most important person in my life, and I'll always be waiting for more of you. So.

If you want me to be patient - so you can figure out whatever it is you're trying to figure out - I can do that. It'll just be... waiting - but with hope that something might - I don't know. Change. Instead of - waiting as I am now.

If you're okay with that, then yeah. Let's just - fuck, I don't know. Be normal? Put all of this behind us an have fun like we used to until you know what it is you want me to be for you?

[He smiles weakly at the dick joke and glances at the bar tender, making a motion across his throat to tell him to cut Odin off. No more. Last drink. But the smile doesn't last and all of his attention is back on Odin while he speaks.]

I know enough of what I want to know that Buddy Mode just isn't enough.

[His voice may be quiet, but on this point, he is certain. Even if it physically pains him, on some level, to admit it. His next words are far less sure.]

I've got-- I've got that- particular prison- already. I'm not putting you there, too. [He paused, wetting his lips, and pulling himself forward on the stool until he was sitting on the edge of it, balanced precariously, far too intent.]

I can't promise you anything, Odin. I can't promise that I'll ever be able to just - let go - and this is the thing.

You deserve someone who's all-in, Odin. Not a single scrap less. You deserve far, far better than me. But I--

Fuck, I miss you. I miss you, not the - not the buddy mode, or the Big Brother mode or even just - Odin. I miss you, and I - I want you. I know I shouldn't, I know I should let you move on and find someone who isn't so- fucking torn- but I--

Want this. Whatever it is. Even if no one ever knows.

I'm not -

[ He's said this countless times, and logically, he gets that Poe gets it, but he's frustrated with himself at not being able to just-- just fucking-- make it stick. It's like he wants Poe to say something specific every time he says this, but he has no idea what that something is, if it even exists. ]

I'm fucking - in love with you. I would have been in love with you with or without this guy that's fucking - better than me. You're not-- putting me in a prison. I put myself there, if anything. And I don't-- I don't give a fuck what you think I deserve. I want you. In whatever way you'll have me.

You don't have to promise me anything. Just fucking-- ugh.

[ he finishes his drink and calls for another one, and when the bartender refuses to serve him, there's a flash of anger on his face, because he needs this, he needs something to stop thinking or he's gonna make some stupid fucking mistake again like he always does. it drains from him, though, when he runs his fingers through his hair and steps away from the bar. he's got too many thoughts and feelings pulling him from different directions and he doesn't know what to do with them.

maybe he's just... maybe he's just angry because poe had to fucking remind him so explicitly that he's in love with somebody else. odin puts his hands in his pockets, breathing out through his nose as he looks up and down at Poe. ]

Just... I'm just - tired. Of hurting. And you make me feel better. Always. No matter what I'm feeling, it's always - you. That makes me better. So. I want - you. And I miss you. Even now, when you're standing right here, I miss you, and I...

[ he trails off. a moment passes, and he pulls out his comm, new and shiny, procured through Magnus after his old one was thrown off into space. he types something into it, and then - he pulls up a booking site for a hotel, after writing in a fake name on the room order. he shows it to Poe. ]

We don't have to do anything. But - it'd be private. We could talk.

Last chance to back down, Dameron.

That's not- no one is better than you, Odin, that really isn't- [But he cuts off with a sigh because he knows he's Messed Up again. Why were humans so much hard to navigate than a cockpit? It wasn't even the point, but he noted it. Another piece of evidence to prove to himself later that he was the worst person to be around Odin. Making him believe that he was lesser somehow--]

[The hotel booking website sent up every alarm bell that still functioned in his heart and his head and his chest. This isn't right, Dameron, you're only going to making this worse for both of you, only going to hurt him--

He picked up his glass of whiskey, through it down his throat, then slid cash onto the counter.]>/small>

Yeah. Okay. Let's go.

[ Odin knows, deep down, how selfish it was for him to use those words - better than me. The only thing he could have possibly done was send a thorn through Poe's heart, and that thought hits him like a truck when Poe tries to correct him. He thinks about leaving it, about pressing on, but he just-- can't. ]

I know. M'sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I don't know why I did.

[ he does, of course. jealousy. bitterness. things he'd be able to let go of, if Poe would just fucking kiss him. He breathes slowly through his nose as he books the hotel, tucking his comm back in his pocket. He nods towards the door, and-- it's not too far from here, the hotel, so they walk, Odin keeping his head down and keeping his thoughts to himself.

The room he books is pretty lavish, because he's got the money to spend, now, but it's Maurtia Falls, nevertheless. Everything's red and silk and black and gold, designed to be sexy, just because that's the kind of business Maurtia expects. Odin's - a little awkward, honestly, as he heads inside and shuts the doors behind them.

He immediately goes to the minibar and pours them both another glass of whiskey. This is a pretty big problem in the making. ]

Okay.

[ His voice sounds loud in the empty room, as he hands Poe his glass and takes a sip of his own. It burns, and his eyes water, and it's so, so obvious how inexperienced he is with drinking, but he takes another sip right after, anyway. ]

So - okay.

[ Okay.

Okay.

He looks at Poe a little helplessly. ]

T... talk? Or...

[The liquor was hitting him, now, and he regretted drinking at all as they walked in near silence to the hotel. He hated this. He hated that he could feel how miserable he was making Odin - and he had plenty of time between the bar and the hotel to turn his thoughts over and over in his mind.

He doesn't really register the design of the room, he's too busy trying to figure out what to say, first. When Odin goes for the whiskey, Poe's face falls somewhat.

There's a heartbeat of a moment while Poe watches him, and then very deliberately steps forward and takes the glass from Odin's hand.

He turns, setting both glasses off to the side, and without another fucking word crosses back to Odin, and pulls him into a tight hug. His face presses into Odin's shoulder, his arms wrapped tightly around Odin chest. No kissing, no going for belts or edges of clothing, no wicked grins or bit lips.

He just hugs him.

He hugs Odin, and tries to ignore the painful shards of his heart littered in his chest.]

[ Odin, again, looks close to angry when Poe takes his glass away. He doesn't fight, but he's unhappy about it, and already his mouth feels dry and sickly. The only reason he doesn't say anything is because he sees Poe's face fall and it kowtows him, somewhat, dousing the fire in his chest and making him cold.

It hits him like a truck, when Poe hugs him. This had been - the last thing he expected to happen. He can't believe-- he can't believe he didn't think Poe would hug him, he can't believe he's ruined this relationship so completely that a hug from Poe had felt so-- so impossible, so unlikely, that until it was actually happening he didn't even register it could happen--

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. What was he thinking, confessing in space? He fucking-- he lost Poe, Poe's gone, he's gone he's gone he's gone he's gone he's gone, everyone he loves leaves, they leave or they die and it's always because of him, it's always always always always always because he's too fucking stupid to just-- do the right fucking thing, for once, why does he always make what he loves die, why is he so fucking worthless--

He slowly, gently put his hands on Poe's back, and the touch opens floodgates in him. He buries his hands in his shirt and his nose in his hair, everything blurring as tears start to fill his eyes. He doesn't cry. There are no wracked sobs, no lonely sniffles or heartbroken hiccups, just - a lump in his throat and a stinging in his eyes as everything looks like it's behind mottled glass. It's Poe's smell, that really gets to him. He remembers those nights in bed, and how tightly Odin held him. How tightly Owain held him.

It feels like this is the last hug they're going to have, so he doesn't let go. He just digs in tighter and tighter, concentrating his entire energy on his breathing, trying not to hyperventilate. The alcohol's hitting him, too. He's trying not to let it, even though that's all he wanted until now.

There are so many things he wants to say. That he's sorry. That he wants to make Poe happy, but he's just been selfish this whole time, by only saying the things he wants to say. He wants to tell Poe that he'll be better - he'll be good, from now on, he'll give Poe space and let him spend time with his friends and not be so fucking greedy, wanting him all to himself - but how often has he promised to leave Poe alone and focus on keeping things platonic, only to fail, before now? In the end, what comes out of him is weak and lonely and small, and he doesn't want-- he doesn't want his voice to sound sad, and he tries really, really hard to keep how broken he is out of it, because he can't keep making things about him, he can't. Poe deserves better than to be preoccupied by someone who won't fucking take a hint and stay behind boundaries, Poe deserves-- him, the other one. ]

You're too-- kind. To me. You're too good to me.

I'm really not.

[He hasn't let go.

His eyes are shut tight, face still buried into Odin's shoulder. It hurts. Of course it hurts. Like glass tumbling loose inside his rib cage and cutting deep with every small movement.

But he doesn't let go. ]

I could be as - a kind as I possibly could, and it would never be as good as I wanted to be, for you.

You are, though. You're-- hurting. Over me. Even though it would be so, so easy for you to cut me out and leave and not-- not try to work things out. About how you feel, and about these past two weeks. Like you want to.

[ His hands are visibly shaking, at this point, and he balls them into fists in the back of Poe's shirt to stop them. It doesn't work. ]

I don't think most people would-- care. Still. As much as you do. About me. After what I did, and after everything I've done since coming back home. I don't-- think anyone else would still want to be something. With someone like me.

Especially after someone threatens their dick. Which-- is still wild. By the way.

Yeah, well. I've never really cared about what most people would do. [He mutters it, lowly, into Odin's shoulder, but then he finally pulls back.

Not too far. Just far enough to be able to search Odin's face as his hands gripped the man's biceps.]

And I think that's not - true.

It's really easy to want to be something with you, Owain.

[The heaviness of honesty lay on those words, and his eyes didn't leave Owain's face. Because that's who he was talking to, right now.]

It's - it's really easy to want to be with you.

[ Odin's arms tense and flex under Poe's touch, but he looks down at him, nose red and eyes still glassy. Even now, when it feels like he's being pulled apart from the inside, just seeing Poe meet his eyes feels like - relief. He reaches one hand up, slowly, and moves to place it on Poe's cheek - but he hesitates, and in the end, he lowers his arm to his side instead, breaking eye contact.

It's only because he's been drinking. He's only saying this because he's drinking. That's what he'll tell himself, in the morning, when the high of this has worn off and Poe's regretting coming over here. ]

Everything-- everything you say to me. Everything. Everything you say to me makes me fall in love with you a little more. Every time you look at me, I fall in love with you a little more. Everything-- fucking-- about you-- makes me fall in love with you a little more. This isn't...

[ this isn't fair. i wanna be like that for you. he really hopes-- he really, really, really hopes, against all hope-- that that's where this will go, when poe figures things out. that he'll still win, somehow. ]

... Sorry. Ugh.

[The words weren't from the drink. He meant them, every one, which may have been worse. Every time Odin talks about falling for him, it gets harder, a crack imbedded in the walls of his heart. He swallows, watching Odin.]

[There are words he could say. Words he should say. But they stick in his throat, and suddenly he can't take it, anymore, a hand sliding to cup Odin's jaw before slowly and deliberately drawing him down, leaning in to press a slow, deliberate kiss to Odin's lips.]

[ His body realizes what's happening before his mind does. He works on muscle memory, anchoring his neck down to match Poe's height, as his brain stalls into gear trying to figure out what's happening. It's not until his lips are actually on Poe's that he gets it, and he gasps like he's been shocked.

He doesn't pull away.

He wants to ask wait, is it okay for me to do this? even though Poe was the one to initiate things. He wants to apologize, too, like he's fucking up and doing the wrong thing, even though - again, Poe wants this. When he raises his hand again and rests it on Poe's cheek, it's softer than he's ever touched him, and when he closes his eyes and leans into the kiss, it's far more gentle and slow than its ever been.

He wants to say I fucking love you again. Wants to scream it from the rooftop, even if it ruins everything they have again. He bites it down and focuses on what this is, as his other hand presses into the small of Poe's back to push him closer into Odin's body. This is just-- Poe taking him, in whatever way he wants to. He cant expect more than that. ]

[The sharp edges of glass in his chest don't leave - instead, they are stirred by fluttering wings that he wasn't expecting.

He's kissed Odin before, many times. Usually they were hot and hungry and desperate, a physical need and physical reaction. This? This was not that.

He has to break the kids for a moment just to breathe, his heart suddenly slamming in his chest far faster than he anticipated.

Both his body and his heart had already known how badly he wanted this. They were already miles ahead of him, and he resumed the kiss, slow and even but pressing deeper.]

I want you, Owain.

[A groaning whisper into the man's mouth as Poe's fingers curled into his hair.]

I have- no right to- but I missed you so much--

[ Odin-- Owain-- doesn't trust himself to speak, so he doesn't. He has such a strong, primal need to control the things he's afraid of, embedded under his very skin in a way he barely understands. He likes words, putting names and labels to things and expressing himself with as much clarity he can, but he knows if he asks Poe things like "will you still want me after tonight?" or "if we do this, is this all we're ever going to be?", he'll scare him away. And he fucking-- needs this, he needs Poe, he thought he lost him, and he-- he can't. He can't, he can't, he can't lose anybody else, not again.

He inhales sharply when Poe curls his fingers against him, and he finally, finally shuts off his brain. He'll panic about this later, if he has to panic at all. The taste of Poe on his lips, the feel of him, it floods so much hope and fear and love and despair through him that his hands are still shaking under it all, even now.

He-- he has to make this physical, he has to make this physical, he has to make this physical. He doesn't trust himself to keep kissing Poe like this, soft and gentle. He'll ruin it, he'll ruin it, he'll ruin it.

He's never shown Poe his full strength before - the strength he's earned from countless hours toiling over weights or fighting off monsters twice his size with nothing but his sword and his wits. He doesn't ask for permission, when he loops one arm under Poe's hips and the other beneath him. He just picks him up, staggering slightly to the wall of the room and sandwiching Poe against it, a little rougher than he means to be when he slams the pilot's back against the wall. He grunts as he breaks the kiss, looking at Poe's neck to avoid meeting him in the eyes. ]

Legs-- around my waist. So I can hold you.

[Poe is oddly silent, nothing more than a very quiet grunt as his back hit the wall. In any other situation, he would have been hard as a rock, right now, but Odin won't meet his eyes and his chest feels like it's in tatters. The strength doesn't worry him, but the silence does, and that isn't abated when Odin speaks.

It's an order, not a reply.

He does what he's told.

He uses an arm around Odin's shoulders to brace himself as he grips his legs tightly around Odin's waist. He isn't sure he wants this. He wants that kiss, again, the one that felt like love.

But this is far closer to what he deserves.]

[ The next time Owain-- Odin-- kisses Poe, it's hard and fast, biting at his lip and begging for entrance, one fast kiss that turns into ten before turning into twenty. Sharp, little things that he's done a thousand times before, with his tongue darting out to meet Poe's and attempting to battle against it for dominance.

Even with his hand under Poe's ass, though, holding him hard against the wall as he softly grinds his body into him, and even with the way his breathing picks up with every grunt Odin milks out of himself, it - it doesn't last, this raw energy he's trying so hard to force. It doesn't fucking last. It can't last, not like this. He doesn't want to do this, he doesn't want to treat Poe like nothing between them has changed, even though that's what tonight seems to be about.

The kisses turn softer, but Odin fights it. Every time his lips quiver and pause against Poe's - every time his breath stutters to a stop in his throat and he just stands there, for a second - he pushes forward again, biting at Poe, trying to be rough. But his resistance gets weaker, as time goes on, and it's-- five minutes, barely even that, before he stops accidentally banging Poe against the wall and just... holds him against it, instead.

There are tears in his eyes, again, as he looks at Poe's lips. With his hands holding Poe, he can't wipe them away, so he blinks hard to get rid of them. He wants to look at Poe properly, wants to speak, but he's still so scared that tonight is a fragile impossibility that someone as fucking worthless as he is could break at a moment's notice.

With Poe still in his arms and with his back to the wall, Odin leans forward, resting his head against Poe's neck. He sighs, gently, his breath a whisper on Poe's skin, and so much of his energy drains away from him.

This fucking sucks. ]

[He responds, but automatically-- each hard kiss and bite feeling more and more mechanical, a gaping hole opening deep in his chest. A part of him just wants to be punished for treating Odin this way, and it's that part that keeps his mouth shut during those five minutes, kept his body moving against him.

When Odin finally stops, the relief flooded him - hadn't realised just how much he didn't want to do that until he no longer had to. He would have gone with it, to punish himself, but he didn't want it. Not like this.

He let out a long, slow breathe, head tilting so he could press his lips to Odin's forehead and just linger there, breathing against him.]

... Not like this.

[His voice is a whispered murmur against Odin's skin, and his eyes shut as he leans against him, still pinned to the wall.]

... I want you, Owain, but not like this.

[ Odin-- no, fuck, no, he's Owain, he's always been Owain, he was a fucking idiot for thinking he could put up those walls again--

Owain nods, slowly, into Poe's neck. He feels the same exact way, and while he's still not saying anything, he wants to just - stay like this, for a moment, frozen in time, feeling the weight of Poe's body in his arms. His tears are coming a little more freely, now, finally actually rolling down his cheeks. For the millionth time, he hates that he's like this.

He gently eases away from Poe, letting his feet hit firmly on the ground, and he wipes his eyes on the heels of his palms. He wants to apologize, for trying too hard, but he still can't find a voice, so the words never leave him. He's still not looking at Poe, exactly, but he does take his wrist and guide him to the bed. When he lays down, he gently but insistently tugs on Poe's hand to bring him down with him.

It's not-- that he doesn't want this. He does, more than anything. He's just this terrified mess of a kid, waiting to fuck up and ruin this, and he's already convincing himself that that's what he just did, by trying to make this-- rawer, like it used to be. He takes a deep breath and moves his fingers until they're interlocking with Poe's, and he holds his hand almost tight enough to hurt. He looks at Poe, finally, meeting him in the eye, sad and helpless and wanting and needy and so, so, so full of love. He just - wants this, already. Wants Poe.

But for once in his fucing life, it would be nice if he just knew how to do something. ]

[If Owain hadn't tugged Poe to the bed, Poe would have tugged him, instead. So it takes very little for him to be pulled down. He shuffles close to him, fingers intertwined, and he presses a gentle kiss to Owain's shoulder as he curls around him.

He raises a hand, thumb carefully tracing the trail of tears, brushing them from Owain's cheeks. He lets out a long breath and then smiles, sadly, despite himself, when Owain finally meets his gaze. He rubs his cheek again, slowly, the pad of his thumb brushing over skin. He doesn't think he's ever met someone with a heart like Odin's.

It's his greatest sorrow, to know he broke it.]

[There is a long, silent moment, as he just observes him, and then very slowly moved closer to take a long, soft kiss.]

[ Owain doesn't move or flinch away, when Poe closes the distance between them. He rubs his thumb over Poe's hand, reassuring, trying to silently tell him that he wants this and that he's okay even if he can't quite put that into words just yet. He actually moans, when Poe kisses him, this sad and pathetic noise from the back of his throat like his heart is breaking all over again, but he keeps drawing circles over Poe's hand with his thumb, not letting go. He keeps his eyes open, because he wants to see this, now. He wants to see every part of Poe as they do this.

He lets himself imagine that he and Poe are together. He imagines, when he runs his free hand down Poe's cheek and brushes a strand of that perfect fucking hair away from his eyes, that this is just - a sunday morning, or something, where they can sleep in until early afternoon, if they want to, just laying in bed, silently giving each other butterfly kisses not because they're afraid to put words to what they want but because they're so comfortable with each other they don't need to talk. His broken heart aches in his chest, when he parts his lips to make this kiss just the tiniest fraction deeper, but he does his best to lock that feeling away.

He thinks of his mom's ring, in his back pocket. He's been carrying it so much closer than normal, since coming back from space. When he imagines giving it to Poe and Poe's eyes lighting up, his heart thuds a little faster, and he revels in that, begging the voice in his head reminding him that it will never happen to please just let him pretend that it will.

He breaks the kiss and closes the distance between them even further, tangling their legs together a little more and letting their bodies make contact. It doesn't take long, when he does this, for Owain's heart to stop thudding anxiously against his ribcage. Being near Poe relaxes him, makes him whole, even now - it's why he wanted this moment so bad, and why he was willing to make himself hurt so much for it. He brings the hand he's holding up to his lips, gently kissing one of Poe's knucles, and he looks Poe in the eyes, sighing softly. ]

I'm...

I missed... this. I miss this. I miss you.

Yeah.

[It's a quiet murmur, and Poe is simply gazing at him, brushing his knuckles gently over Owain's cheek. Their limbs are entangled and Poe's heart feels like it's in his throat, but he couldn't pull himself away now if he wanted to.]

I... I've missed you so much, Owain. I still miss you.

[ Owain tilts his head ever so slightly into Poe's hand, and again, he moans a little, still almost imperceptibly quiet. He's always been easy to read around Poe, but this desperation for touch, like he's been starved of it for his entire life, is like nothing he's ever felt before.

He shuts his eyes tight, at Poe's words. He takes a breath. ]

Don't.

[ He lets that hang in the air, alongside a dozen unasked questions. He rests his hand on Poe's side, snaking his hand under his shirt and drawing lines on his hipbone with his thumb. He opens his eyes. ]

Don't miss me. You don't have to miss me. All this-- all this shit, about you having to figure things out and about me being patient-- if that's really how you want this to play out, I can do it, I can, I swear, I'll wait until I draw my very last breath, if you only ask, but-- but it doesn't have to be like that. You could just... let me be something. You wouldn't have to-- have to label it, or give me any promises about how we'll always be together, or that you won't one day leave me for someone else, but I just--

[ He brings his head forward, kissing Poe's neck, and it's-- it's not rough, like at the wall, but it's so much needier now, quiet and soft but decidedly hungry. When he speaks, he murmurs low against Poe's throat. ]

Please? Just-- give me more than words like I miss you and I want you. Show me that I matter to you.

[Show me.

He didn't know how. There was no fight to throw himself into, no blaster bolt to take. No sacrifice. He couldn't save his life, nothing to save him from. No enemies to blast out of the sky.

He had no wounds, as proof.

He didn't know how else to show anything. He didn't know how else to do anything. He was getting sick to death of feeling like he was a square peg in a round hole, trying to fit in somewhere he didn't understand. It would have been an easy thing to prove, in a war.

And an impossible thing to do in peace.

But damn, if he wasn't going to try. He pulled Odin'd head up, forcing him to meet his eyes.]

I'm here, aren't I? [He pressed his forehead to Odin's.]

I'm not good at the words part. I don't know how to- prove myself. But I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere.

[He leaned, breath warm against Owain's lips before he took them carefully, his whole body leaning in against him with the kiss.]

... So you can have... And piece of me you need, Owain.

[ It was an unfair thing to ask. He knew it, as it was leaving him - "fix the insecurity that ruins me around you," "make me feel better, like you always do," "close all this fucking distance between us", all impossible demands made even more impossible by that other guy still at the edges of all of this and the people in Odin's life ready to kill Poe at a moment's notice. It's not that Poe being here isn't good enough - it's not that the breath over his lips doesn't fill him with so much hope and fear and love and sadness that a part of his heart breaks all over again - but it's not...

It's not what he needs. It's just what he wants. So he shuts his eyes into the kiss and tries to drown out the part of him that still just wants Poe to be his and his alone, because even if he's not, long term, he is for tonight.

The longer he kisses Poe, curled up against him in this hotel room, the slower his heart beats, soon only thudding against him in a painfully loud but steady rhythm. He tries not to plan for the future, as he deepens the kiss, timid like it's their very first time doing this. He tries not to think of all the parts of this he hates, because he thought - he thought he'd never have this again, Poe in his arms. Not again. This is worth... hurt.

He freezes, suddenly, like something's wrong, or like he's scared and about to bolt. There isn't, and he's not, but it's stuttery and anxious when he moves his hand and starts tugging on the bottom hem of Poe's shirt. He doesn't have the confidence to strip him, like he would have done a month ago - or even a minute ago, when he was pretending he could get through this by being physical alone - but it's obvious, that that's what he wants. He breaks the kiss and takes a deep breath. ]

We don't--

We don't have to do anything. Like I said. We can just-- talk, or we can just stay like this, kissing, or-- or holding hands. I'd like to hold your hand, I think. We don't-- have to do anything else.

But I'd-- like to.

PSL || poe/odin

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HEY REMEMBER THIS THREAD

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