shadowglitter | Import My Heart! - AUDITION SUBMISSIONS

[ So, you wanna be on TV? This is where it starts. A pre-recorded message of Odin plays, him just waving excitedly in his bedroom, dressed relatively casually other than the cape and the crown he's adorned himself with. ]

Hey! So, you wanna be in love. That's cool. I get it. Me too! That's what we're all here for, right? Well, maybe not. Maybe you're here for money and attention. That's fine. I'm here for love, at least. True love. Eternal forever soulmate Level 999 Hyperblast Megabeam Ultra Maximum Dinosaur Death Gorenado Mk. III-Style True Love. Hopefully with you? Hopefully with you.

If you wanna be on my show, submit your audition tapes here. This is where your videos go! Tell me a bit about yourself. Try and make yourself sound cooler than you are, and maybe do something sweet like punch a car or do a flip. Or not. I don't care. Do it, though. PRESSURE PRESSURE PRESSURE.

And then - answer my questions! As many or as few as you want. I don't care. Live your life.

One: Why do you want to be on Import My Heart?
Two: How much experience have you had with love?
Three: If you were a weapon, what weapon would you be, and what level of enchanted and/or cursed?
Four: Oh no! A horrible evil is threatening to eviscerate your world. What role do you play in this story?
Five: Say something nice about me, please. Wait, that's not a question, hold on. What's something nice that you could say about me? Haha, nailed it.

That's it. Hit me up. Go. Wait! Final note. Um.

Signing on means you're okay with physical violence and swords and potentially death. Heads up! Haha. OKAY, GO.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Hey, Odin! You know me! Okay-- okay. I'm gonna do this seriously.

[he runs his hand over his head like through hair and flourishes dramatically. the backdrop is the beach at sunset; it's actually pretty romantic!]

I'm Riptide, Cyberotronian. Almost four million years old. [he waggles his optical ridges.] And I can do this.

[he summons his my first blaster and fires it a couple of times into the ocean, creating several huge explosions of water that rain back down onto the beach. the gun, offscreen, chirps uh oh! you didn't hit anything that time! riptide ignores it.]

Also, I guess we could just hang out and get high or something? I'm probably cheating. I don't care. Oh! Right. The questions. Hmmm.

Why do I want to-- well, I answered that one. To blow shit up and hang with my pal! How much exper... ah. Haha. Everyone I've ever loved is dead. Bad answer, but true nonetheless. MAYBE THIS TIME WILL BE DIFFERENT?

[awkward cough.]

Weapon-- hey, I'd totally be... well, I could say a gun, but that's boring. I'd totally be the first ever Autobot worldsweeper! Only instead of, um, destroying planets I'd... drop crates of engex down. And stuff. This kind of leads onto the fourth? I'm the MTO! Then the evil gets made my captain and--

[static. for five minutes. there's a small fire behind him when the screen cuts back in.]

We tore a drone apart together and it was totally awesome! Pick me! Riptide, out!