Odin (Owain) | Fire Emblem (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
shadowglitter) wrote2018-01-11 12:59 am
shadowglitter) wrote2018-01-11 12:59 am
Import My Heart! - AUDITION SUBMISSIONS
[ So, you wanna be on TV? This is where it starts. A pre-recorded message of Odin plays, him just waving excitedly in his bedroom, dressed relatively casually other than the cape and the crown he's adorned himself with. ]
Hey! So, you wanna be in love. That's cool. I get it. Me too! That's what we're all here for, right? Well, maybe not. Maybe you're here for money and attention. That's fine. I'm here for love, at least. True love. Eternal forever soulmate Level 999 Hyperblast Megabeam Ultra Maximum Dinosaur Death Gorenado Mk. III-Style True Love. Hopefully with you? Hopefully with you.
If you wanna be on my show, submit your audition tapes here. This is where your videos go! Tell me a bit about yourself. Try and make yourself sound cooler than you are, and maybe do something sweet like punch a car or do a flip. Or not. I don't care. Do it, though. PRESSURE PRESSURE PRESSURE.
And then - answer my questions! As many or as few as you want. I don't care. Live your life.
One: Why do you want to be on Import My Heart?
Two: How much experience have you had with love?
Three: If you were a weapon, what weapon would you be, and what level of enchanted and/or cursed?
Four: Oh no! A horrible evil is threatening to eviscerate your world. What role do you play in this story?
Five: Say something nice about me, please. Wait, that's not a question, hold on. What's something nice that you could say about me? Haha, nailed it.
That's it. Hit me up. Go. Wait! Final note. Um.
Signing on means you're okay with physical violence and swords and potentially death. Heads up! Haha. OKAY, GO.
KYLE CONLEN
Uh, hi! I'm Kyle Conlen! I'm, uh, a s'mores tester for a marshmallow factory with a secret identity—Not at the factory! Like, I'm also a hero with a secret identity.
What else? I like video games! I like dogs. I like... reading comic books about super heroes and, uhh, I can turn into a demon and create fire? [ So, Kyle does just that. He turns off his power dampener, and suddenly he's got horns, fangs, and eyes as bright as white-hot coals. ]
[ Aaaaand STAR SWIPE!! Kyle is back to normal. ]
I want to be on ImPort My Heart to support my buddy Odin. He's a good guy and needs to find love. Even on... a reality TV show? Yeah.
[ Sssstar swipe! ]
I guess it depends on the definition of love? I love my friends. I love my family back home, and my team. But I know what it's like to lose it, too.
Though if you mean, like, in-love kind of stuff. Yeah, I do. It's pretty nice?
[ SW! ]
A weapon... Do I have to be a weapon? Um, maybe a bo staff? Like, with the ends on fire. Ha! Something like that! I don't like to hurt anyone, just... you know... if there's a criminal I want to neutralize them. That's all. Oh! And knowing my luck, I'd be seriously cursed. Like—Oh, maybe like a Sleeping Beauty sort of thing. And hopefully there'd be a dragon, too.
[ OH SHIT! Two star swipes! ]
Ohh crap, uhhh, I'd assemble with my team and help where I need. I'm the team player sort of guy? Fire powers don't usually fix problems, so maybe I'd be support. Unless the evil was weak to fire. And then oh shit! Look out! 'Cause I'll be doing all I can to take him down! Or her! Whomever.
[ St—? That's right, star swipe! ]
Ha, that's easy! You're wonderful to be around because you have so much energy. And you're always so thoughtful when it comes to your friends. Even if it's... sometimes a little misguided. But you've got a good heart in there!
Anyway, I hope you do well with your new show, Odin! Thanks!
not actually here sorry but i could not resist
I don't.
Two: How much experience have you had with love?
Love is the mechanism by which we experience true pain.
Three: If you were a weapon, what weapon would you be, and what level of enchanted and/or cursed?
I would be my lightsaber. Crudely constructed after an ancient design, dangerously unstable and overpowered with a Force-resonant core that has been so brutally damaged it has cracked apart.
Very cursed.
Four: Oh no! A horrible evil is threatening to eviscerate your world. What role do you play in this story?
It's me. I lay waste to the planet, slaughtering all who oppose me without pause or remorse.
Five: Say something nice about me, please. Wait, that's not a question, hold on. What's something nice that you could say about me? Haha, nailed it.
No-one is likely to tell you 'at least you have a good personality'.
100% would have gotten in the show if this was canon
damn him
riptide
[he runs his hand over his head like through hair and flourishes dramatically. the backdrop is the beach at sunset; it's actually pretty romantic!]
I'm Riptide, Cyberotronian. Almost four million years old. [he waggles his optical ridges.] And I can do this.
[he summons his my first blaster and fires it a couple of times into the ocean, creating several huge explosions of water that rain back down onto the beach. the gun, offscreen, chirps uh oh! you didn't hit anything that time! riptide ignores it.]
Also, I guess we could just hang out and get high or something? I'm probably cheating. I don't care. Oh! Right. The questions. Hmmm.
Why do I want to-- well, I answered that one. To blow shit up and hang with my pal! How much exper... ah. Haha. Everyone I've ever loved is dead. Bad answer, but true nonetheless. MAYBE THIS TIME WILL BE DIFFERENT?
[awkward cough.]
Weapon-- hey, I'd totally be... well, I could say a gun, but that's boring. I'd totally be the first ever Autobot worldsweeper! Only instead of, um, destroying planets I'd... drop crates of engex down. And stuff. This kind of leads onto the fourth? I'm the MTO! Then the evil gets made my captain and--
[static. for five minutes. there's a small fire behind him when the screen cuts back in.]
We tore a drone apart together and it was totally awesome! Pick me! Riptide, out!
no subject
You pledged your loyalty to me, and so if you think you're going to get away with running off to some exotic place to... to... fornicate... like you're some fanciful satyr, you've got another thing coming.
As for your questions!
- So you don't leave me behind. I'm not capable of being on my own and I'm sure you know this by now... [He grimaces at that, hating to admit it, but at least its totally just to Odin and no one else will ever see it, right????]
- I've read romance novels, but you are aware of this, having been my retainer for all of my adult life.
- I'm already a weapon. Next question.
- I'd rather not think about that right now... [Too much war lately. Give him some time.]
- Odin... uh. You're my favorite retainer. Right now.
Also if you leave me behind I will actually destroy you. No I won't, but I will think about it VERY HARD, and not talk to you for an indeterminate amount of time.
[video]
She doesn't looked thrilled to be doing this, and it's clear that someone is egging her on on the other side of the phone, but at least she's ... sort of willing.
Most of her words come out through gritted teeth.]
I'm Rosa Diaz. You probably knew me as Emily Goldfinch, but fucking whatever, I ditched the alias. So now all you assholes know my name, all right? Fucking .. it's fucking Rosa Diaz.
I've gotta answer some bullshit questions, so I'm gonna make this as painless as possible:
One, I don't really wanna be on this shit show, but fucking whatever.
Two, how the fuck do you measure this? I've dated people. I've said I love you to two people, and one was my grandfather, who was dying of cancer, but then he fucking recovered, so I looked like an idiot. I've probably said it one other time since.
Three, what the fuck kind of question is this? Christ. An axe or a fucking sword or a fucking gun. The highest fucking level of whatever.
Four, I'm the horrible evil. Next question.
Five, no. I'm not your fucking mom.
Are we done? Can we be done now? [Rosa wipes her hands on her pants before getting off the half-skeletal car and ripping its tires off, each of which she throws like a discus across some random, big ass field, before the video finally cuts off.]
[Video]
Why do I want to be on this show? Uh...because Odin is sexy and awesome. That's pretty obvious, so I'll move onto the next question.
I don't have any experience with love. I felt something that might have been love, once? But I really don't know, and I don't even know if it was the same kind of love we're talking about, and he's dead now, anyway.
[Jonathan pauses, looking depressed for a moment, before he forces a grin onto his face.]
Wow, that was a downer, wasn't it? Sorry about that. This should be upbeat, fun, and...you know...
[He gestures with his hands as he tries to think of the word.]
Okay, yeah, don't know what else. But anyway, I don't have a lot of weapon knowledge, but I guess if I was a weapon...I don't know, do acid grenades exist? Because that's what I'd be. Innocuous on the outside, but a burning acid explosion on the inside.
If an evil was threatening my world, I'd be a reformed villain. Or an antihero. Someone who starts out doing terrible, bad things, but ends up doing the right thing in the end.
And the last question is super easy, because Odin's a really good friend, and he's really kind and considerate, and he cares more about others than he does about himself.
[He starts to get up, then sits back down when he remembers something.]
Oh, right! You wanted me to do something cool! Um...I can rip off my face?
[Odin said that was cool, right? So Jonathan reaches up, ripping off the face of his skin suit, revealing his real, lizardy face underneath. Then he gets up and turns off the camera.]
[ Video ]
Well. That's a whole can of worms that Eli isn't touching in this interview. Nope.
He runs a hand through his hair and smiles.]
Uh so, I'm Eli — we met that one time with the dream — you know. That whole advice for sleeping has been useful by the way, so thanks.
The questions, right.
[He rubs the back of his neck.]
Why do I want to be in imPort my heart? Well, it just sounds fun, maybe relaxing? And who doesn't want to duel to the death over someone's affections. [wry smile]
I don't have any experience with, you know dating. Or love. [Eli looks thoughtful.] So maybe I'm not a good candidate for this whole thing. [Shrug.]
A weapon? Does it matter the size? Because I'd want to be an Imperial Star Destroyer, they're huge. And those turbo lasers can do some serious damage. Ask Admiral Thrawn sometime, he did this thing once and — sorry. [Eli looks sheepish.] But back to the point, yes. ISD.
Next question, uh — fight against this evil. Isn't that what most people would do?
[Eli knows he's almost at the end of this and hey, he's finally beginning to relax.]
You're a pretty nice person, Odin. Whoever gets picked or whatever — I hope you'll find someone good. I mean, good for you to date. You know.
[Oops, back to awkward.
Eli laughs trying to cover up how flustered he's getting.]
Good luck, yeah.
Cisco Ramon
Hey, Cisco here. The grapes guy. Your favorite. Remember that when you're picking contestants. [ He winks. ]
One. [ One finger held up. ] I want to be on your show because... [ He trails off a little. Putting his reasoning into words is hard. ] I dunno, you seem nice, and I've never really done anything like this before, and my sort of girlfriend is all the way on another Earth with no way of breaching here, or me breaching there, so why not, right? Could be fun.
Two. [ A second finger. ] I've dated a few girls, but I don't think I've ever really been in love. Just haven't met that person yet. I've never... dated a guy... before, either, so... That's new.
[ Ahem. ]
Three. [ He's giving up the finger thing now. ] I'm usually the guy making the weapons. [ He gestures around him at his workshop, desks littered with half-built projects. ] So... probably some sort of pulse rifle? Earth-2 tech, but modified with my own Vibe specifications. Not enchanted or cursed, just... powerful? [ He winces. That sounds really tacky. ]
When the horrible evils come to my world, me and my friends are the ones fighting them off. Evil speedsters from the future, mind controlling aliens, Nazi doppelgangers from another Earth... We've faced them all, and won. So. Yeah, hero.
Five. You seem really... sweet. Like, underneath all that showmanship and poetry, you seem like a really good guy so far. And-- [ The finger is back, for emphasis this time. ] --You actually pull off a mesh bodysuit really well, which is not something most people can say.
So, yeah! Pick me! If you want. We'll eat grapes.
[ He gives a little half-wave, half-salute. ]
Vibe out.
no subject
Hhhiiiiiii~~ [He waves, excitedly.]
This is very neat, Owain, getting a television show and then so many people to like you. You're going to have so many friends and maybe they will even be nice?? Though I am not sure that having me on is a good idea, if you want to limit the amount of death, in general. Not that I would kill anyone, but that people just tend to die, when I'm around? But who knows, maybe that's why you asked me, because it will turn out to be a show about murder mysteries instead of dating, anyway, or even better -- both?? Finding romance on a case is way more interesting than just normally. Not that I would know, exactly, but I did find my best friend on a case and he's perfect so that probably counts as something.
Oh, right, questions. Okay! Here we go!
One. Why do I want to be-- oh, right, yes. Well it's not a case of want to be, exactly. You asked me to come and it sounds fun. Either I will be there, or I won't be there, and either way it will be because I'm supposed to be there, so it'll all work out fine.
Two. Well. Quite a lot, actually? Not of mine, exactly, but it does tend to come up in cases a lot. People are very good at loving each other, or, not loving each other, or, loving the wrong person while that person sort of loves them but also loves someone else, or, loving themselves from a different dimension, or, loving someone who turns out to be a horse that faked its death. So. Lots of love. Everywhere. All the time.
No one's ever loved me, though. But that's okay. I have friends now!! That's pretty close!
Three. I wouldn't be a weapon. If I was a weapon, I wouldn't be me? I want to help people, not hurt them. Everyone gets hurt enough already.
Four. I'm the detective? Obviously. I would solve the mystery and bring their dastardly deeds to light and everyone would say what a great detective I am?
Five. You're very nice, Owain. I'm sorry I thought you were scary when you tried to blow me up. I mean. You are scary, but you're also very nice.
no subject
Hi. Bodhi Rook. We met during the whole... haunted house thing. You know the thing with the - [ he clears his throat, right. ]
Okay so. Why do I want to be on the show? Other than you saying I should audition. [ that's the honest truth, but not all of it. ] Well, it sounds like it'd be a way to meet new people, with a common goal. Should be fun, yeah?
How much experience have I had with love? [ He frowns, and looks at the ground - trying to recall. ] I was in love with one of my fellow classmates at the Academy, but they didn't really ... know I existed, and I don't really think that counts as an experience as it ... never really went anywhere. So, not much. [ And he looks up, and adds quickly: ]
But there are people that I love. Just not romantically. I think that counts.
Three. I dunno. I'd want to be a lightsaber, which is a sword that's made of basically pure energy but in reality I think I'd be more of a blaster. They're fairly standard, fire lasers - some are more powerful than others.
Four. Well, I'd do all I can in my power to stop it. I uhm, I did it before. To stop a powerful super weapon made by people I used to work for.
Something nice? You are a lot nicer than you think you are. Under all of the ... flashiness.
[ Okay. That's it? Yeah, okay. Bodhi gives the camera another wave before standing and moving to turn the camera off. ]
Right. Bye.
no subject
Suddenly this fucker pops into frame from below, where obviously some idiot is sitting hunched out of sight tucked up against the counter for this puppet show of epic proportion. The mighty maw of this bird opens and closes a few times as Peter's fingers try to worm their way farther into the beak for better motion control.]
Caw, caw, motherfucker! I want to be your lover! You fuck, you better pick me. My name is Paulina and I'm beautiful, unlike you. Look at my glorious fucking feathers? Well, they're... felt but that's not the fucking point. The point is - I'm a monogamous bird and the way I mate is snowballing food back and forth between our bills and I think you have a big enough mouth that that'll work. For the both of us.
[More maw flapping motions. Peter's other hand darts up to throw a piece of food at the lens, before trying to blindly pick it up with the bird bill, as if to demonstrate the toucan mating ritual of food snowballing. It's as bad as it seems, especially since Peter can't see where the corn pops are going as he keeps blindly throwing more in hopes of at least finding one. They litter the bathroom floor now. He kicks over the box by accident, spilling a sea behind him with a muttered fuck that most definitely wasn't in character because it wasn't in a shitty shrill voice.]
My weapon is love! I don't fucking know, that's a weird question. I am the evil and I'm only going to say something nice about you if you say something nice about me, you sick fuck! Also - shit, ow. Ow.
[Someone just hit their forehead on the handle to the cupboard. Peter sits back, half in frame with the stupid puppet on his arm and cornpops everywhere. He gives the bird to the camera, laying back to do some snow angles in spilt cereal with the... other bird still on his other hand.] I'm way not high enough to keep doing this.
no subject
Hi, it's me, Harley! I like your crown! You sure asked a lot of questions at once. I had to write them down so I don't skip any.
Okay so one, I want to be on Import My Heart because it's a TV show and I love attention. Like, straight up, I'm not gonna lie, that's a huge factor. But also it's a chance to get to know you better, and that sounds fun. Also an alternate universe version of one of my exes just ported in and he's a two-inch tall Lego that never loved me, so I'm in kind of a weird place right now? And the answer to that is run away to party island where the problems don't exist.
My experience with love is ... I mean. We've talked about this. I have a lot of experience. I've been told to tone it way down but, like, everybody I know and also a lot of strangers. Not everyone would say it's good experience, but I don't regret it.
This one is the hardest. If I were a weapon, I would be, uhhh. Gosh! There are so many choices? I like them all! I mean, guns are pretty great, but I think I'm just more of a blunt force kinda gal? But even narrowing it down that much, there are so many hammers. And I've been really into baseball bats lately. I think ultimately I'd have to stick with the classics and be a giant, massive, wooden mallet with a custom paint job.
Four, uh, I dunno! I probably know the horrible evil! We might have dated. Yeah, we probably used to date. That's pretty on-trend for me.
This last one is easy peasy! Okay so first, you're handsome. Obvious, everyone's already said it, I know. And you're really funny, and you have lots of energy, and you're easy to talk to, and you aren't scared of hyenas, and Lou likes you already, and we haven't known each other very long but I just like being around you? It's comfortable and nice. We should hang out more even if it's not on a dating show.
Okay, that's it! Good luck on your true love casting call!
no subject
K-2SO: Present.
Dick: N/A.]
I'll be there for you, Odin.
Because you said I had to.
[Everyone else sure did try and answer the questions, didn't they.]