Odin (Owain) | Fire Emblem (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
shadowglitter) wrote2018-01-11 12:59 am
shadowglitter) wrote2018-01-11 12:59 am
Import My Heart! - AUDITION SUBMISSIONS
[ So, you wanna be on TV? This is where it starts. A pre-recorded message of Odin plays, him just waving excitedly in his bedroom, dressed relatively casually other than the cape and the crown he's adorned himself with. ]
Hey! So, you wanna be in love. That's cool. I get it. Me too! That's what we're all here for, right? Well, maybe not. Maybe you're here for money and attention. That's fine. I'm here for love, at least. True love. Eternal forever soulmate Level 999 Hyperblast Megabeam Ultra Maximum Dinosaur Death Gorenado Mk. III-Style True Love. Hopefully with you? Hopefully with you.
If you wanna be on my show, submit your audition tapes here. This is where your videos go! Tell me a bit about yourself. Try and make yourself sound cooler than you are, and maybe do something sweet like punch a car or do a flip. Or not. I don't care. Do it, though. PRESSURE PRESSURE PRESSURE.
And then - answer my questions! As many or as few as you want. I don't care. Live your life.
One: Why do you want to be on Import My Heart?
Two: How much experience have you had with love?
Three: If you were a weapon, what weapon would you be, and what level of enchanted and/or cursed?
Four: Oh no! A horrible evil is threatening to eviscerate your world. What role do you play in this story?
Five: Say something nice about me, please. Wait, that's not a question, hold on. What's something nice that you could say about me? Haha, nailed it.
That's it. Hit me up. Go. Wait! Final note. Um.
Signing on means you're okay with physical violence and swords and potentially death. Heads up! Haha. OKAY, GO.
[video]
She doesn't looked thrilled to be doing this, and it's clear that someone is egging her on on the other side of the phone, but at least she's ... sort of willing.
Most of her words come out through gritted teeth.]
I'm Rosa Diaz. You probably knew me as Emily Goldfinch, but fucking whatever, I ditched the alias. So now all you assholes know my name, all right? Fucking .. it's fucking Rosa Diaz.
I've gotta answer some bullshit questions, so I'm gonna make this as painless as possible:
One, I don't really wanna be on this shit show, but fucking whatever.
Two, how the fuck do you measure this? I've dated people. I've said I love you to two people, and one was my grandfather, who was dying of cancer, but then he fucking recovered, so I looked like an idiot. I've probably said it one other time since.
Three, what the fuck kind of question is this? Christ. An axe or a fucking sword or a fucking gun. The highest fucking level of whatever.
Four, I'm the horrible evil. Next question.
Five, no. I'm not your fucking mom.
Are we done? Can we be done now? [Rosa wipes her hands on her pants before getting off the half-skeletal car and ripping its tires off, each of which she throws like a discus across some random, big ass field, before the video finally cuts off.]