shadowglitter | Import My Heart! - AUDITION SUBMISSIONS

[ So, you wanna be on TV? This is where it starts. A pre-recorded message of Odin plays, him just waving excitedly in his bedroom, dressed relatively casually other than the cape and the crown he's adorned himself with. ]

Hey! So, you wanna be in love. That's cool. I get it. Me too! That's what we're all here for, right? Well, maybe not. Maybe you're here for money and attention. That's fine. I'm here for love, at least. True love. Eternal forever soulmate Level 999 Hyperblast Megabeam Ultra Maximum Dinosaur Death Gorenado Mk. III-Style True Love. Hopefully with you? Hopefully with you.

If you wanna be on my show, submit your audition tapes here. This is where your videos go! Tell me a bit about yourself. Try and make yourself sound cooler than you are, and maybe do something sweet like punch a car or do a flip. Or not. I don't care. Do it, though. PRESSURE PRESSURE PRESSURE.

And then - answer my questions! As many or as few as you want. I don't care. Live your life.

One: Why do you want to be on Import My Heart?
Two: How much experience have you had with love?
Three: If you were a weapon, what weapon would you be, and what level of enchanted and/or cursed?
Four: Oh no! A horrible evil is threatening to eviscerate your world. What role do you play in this story?
Five: Say something nice about me, please. Wait, that's not a question, hold on. What's something nice that you could say about me? Haha, nailed it.

That's it. Hit me up. Go. Wait! Final note. Um.

Signing on means you're okay with physical violence and swords and potentially death. Heads up! Haha. OKAY, GO.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ Cisco could have gone all out for the video, but that would feel disingenuous, so instead it's just him, in his workshop, recorded on the front facing camera of his phone. He's a little nervous, but trying not to let it show, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear as he smiles for the camera. ]

Hey, Cisco here. The grapes guy. Your favorite. Remember that when you're picking contestants. [ He winks. ]

One. [ One finger held up. ] I want to be on your show because... [ He trails off a little. Putting his reasoning into words is hard. ] I dunno, you seem nice, and I've never really done anything like this before, and my sort of girlfriend is all the way on another Earth with no way of breaching here, or me breaching there, so why not, right? Could be fun.

Two. [ A second finger. ] I've dated a few girls, but I don't think I've ever really been in love. Just haven't met that person yet. I've never... dated a guy... before, either, so... That's new.

[ Ahem. ]

Three. [ He's giving up the finger thing now. ] I'm usually the guy making the weapons. [ He gestures around him at his workshop, desks littered with half-built projects. ] So... probably some sort of pulse rifle? Earth-2 tech, but modified with my own Vibe specifications. Not enchanted or cursed, just... powerful? [ He winces. That sounds really tacky. ]

When the horrible evils come to my world, me and my friends are the ones fighting them off. Evil speedsters from the future, mind controlling aliens, Nazi doppelgangers from another Earth... We've faced them all, and won. So. Yeah, hero.

Five. You seem really... sweet. Like, underneath all that showmanship and poetry, you seem like a really good guy so far. And-- [ The finger is back, for emphasis this time. ] --You actually pull off a mesh bodysuit really well, which is not something most people can say.

So, yeah! Pick me! If you want. We'll eat grapes.

[ He gives a little half-wave, half-salute. ]

Vibe out.

Import My Heart! - AUDITION SUBMISSIONS

Cisco Ramon