Odin (Owain) | Fire Emblem (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
shadowglitter) wrote2017-11-25 11:18 am
shadowglitter) wrote2017-11-25 11:18 am
PSL || poe/odin
WAY TO REJECT ME YOU FLIGHTY AIRBORN PIECE OF SHIT! WAY TO FUCK EVERYTHING UP FOR ME AND MY HEART, FOREVER AND EVER, ALWAYS UNTIL FOREVER
HEY YO YOU TOLD ME TO WRITE A LIST SO GUESS WHAT!!!!!! IT'S TIME FOR US TO GET FUNKY AS FUUUUUUCKKKKKKKK
god i am not going to bother formatting this
TO DO LIST:
1. SEXTING FROM BOOT CAMP ringverse AU
2. prince/concubine AU - owain's the prince, poe's a concubine to the king, paranoia and political assassination ensues, etc etc etc etc etc
3. vampire hooker AU?? owain gonna get his gothic goth goth dick wet in that spooky vampire butt
4. HAHA BOOM WE'RE DOING IT I LINKED THE POST DOWN THERE
5. enemies of war AU - owain's a good guy on the bad guy side who almost loses his life trying to save poe even though he's an enemy soldier, poes like What, Shit, Damn, gay shit ensues
6. HNENENGH
7. ANGELS AND DEMONSSSSSSsss
8. 20s AU///?? YES. YES ALRIGHT
9. WW1 AU WHATS Up
10. ?? there was something that was supposed to go here from the kink meme
11. samurai champloo AU what up. chon'sin. Shit
12. bBODYSWAPPpappapp
long-term AU posts:
HEY YO YOU TOLD ME TO WRITE A LIST SO GUESS WHAT!!!!!! IT'S TIME FOR US TO GET FUNKY AS FUUUUUUCKKKKKKKK
god i am not going to bother formatting this
TO DO LIST:
1. SEXTING FROM BOOT CAMP ringverse AU
2. prince/concubine AU - owain's the prince, poe's a concubine to the king, paranoia and political assassination ensues, etc etc etc etc etc
3. vampire hooker AU?? owain gonna get his gothic goth goth dick wet in that spooky vampire butt
4. HAHA BOOM WE'RE DOING IT I LINKED THE POST DOWN THERE
5. enemies of war AU - owain's a good guy on the bad guy side who almost loses his life trying to save poe even though he's an enemy soldier, poes like What, Shit, Damn, gay shit ensues
6. HNENENGH
7. ANGELS AND DEMONSSSSSSsss
8. 20s AU///?? YES. YES ALRIGHT
9. WW1 AU WHATS Up
10. ?? there was something that was supposed to go here from the kink meme
11. samurai champloo AU what up. chon'sin. Shit
12. bBODYSWAPPpappapp
long-term AU posts:
βββ PLEDGED
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Mostly because he doesn't have time.
It's not that he has any strange bravado about crying. In front of his enemies, sure. You never let them see you cry. But by himself? Or with someone he cared about? He wasn't going to pretend that he didn't feel things. He just usually lived too fast and too hard to think long enough to stop. But now that the dam had broken it didn't seem to stop.
Five months of repressing himself - no - years - Earth was just the newest segment, the war a far easier way to neglect himself than this strange pseudo-peace was. But it didn't work. This place was a temporary ghost of a feeling, not anything solid, and even if he knows - even if he knows, somewhere in him, that his feelings for Finn aren't just from here, it doesn't matter. Even if he somehow wore him down and brought Finn around, it would be just for here. But the man hasn't spoken to him in days, the inherent rejection louder than any spoken one, and it wasn't as if they had a promise, or anything like it, in the first place, but even wanting Odin like this feels like betrayal. Like Treason.
But he does want him and he hates himself for it because he should be better than this, even though it's not for anything.
Saving himself for something that he knows will never happen. Pushing away something incredibly important and real. For some fucked up idealised dream he won't see.
He's getting angry with himself, now, but he can't stop sobbing, gripping at Odin like a life-line as he burrowed his face in his chest.]
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He was there, when his mother died. There when his father died, as well. There when he saw villagers lose their homes and their lives after begging him to save them. There when he burned the houses of other innocent people, in a country so far from home, under the guidance of a mad king. He's done terrible things, under the orders of people so much smarter and more selfish than him. So much of him has died, over the years.
He embraced his vulnerability, the softness he had, to keep the best parts of him alive. The alternative was becoming numb.
As he sits there with arms shaking and eyes painfully, painfully wet, with the man he loves breaking in his arms - breaking over someone else, someone he actually loves, in a real way, a real fucking way, a way that isn't a lie like the one he started to tell Odin -
He wishes he were numb. ]
Don't...
[ As he shuts his eyes as tight as he can, willing all these thoughts and sounds out of his head and wrapping his arms so, so fucking tight around Poe, he wants to run away. He doesn't want this, for Poe to act like he needs him. Not when he knows it's - not real, none of it's real. There is no fucking part of Poe that wants Odin, and he's sure of that, never been surer than he is right now, because this is fucking callous. Odin's alternating between wanting to believe in everything Poe's said to him and being so, so utterly, incomprehensibly convinced that this is only-- heartache, this his heartbreak, because Finn turned him down the way Poe turned Odin down-- and he's just using Odin because he knows Odin will fucking care, will fucking want him.
He's a distraction. He shouldn't complain - that's all he's ever been to anyone, anyway. ]
Come on, you don't--
[ His heart breaks a little more. He runs his hands through Poe's hair, gingerly, stroking his head, trying to keep him calm. ]
You don't-- you don't know. What the future might bring. Are you crying because-- because he said... he doesn't... want... you? That-- that could change, man. He'll fall in love with you. There's--
[ he swalows, dry mouthed, and fuck, when did he start crying? ]
There's so much goodness in you. So much. I fell in love with you-- the moment you first laughed with me, I think. It's just who you are. Intrinsically lovable, intrinsically perfect. He'll figure that out. I think.
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That's not-- [The words were less actual words and more of a broken sob, but it was pulling him out of his own self pity, a little. Mostly because Odin was breaking his heart all over again. He pushed himself back out of the embrace but his fingers were still well locked into Odin's clothes.]
I can't. I can't, Odin, that's --
[It was incredibly hard to stop crying and he was trying but the effort made his whole body shake.]
You don't-- I'm anything but perfect, and I can't- I don't deserve either of you, but that doesn't stop me from wanting--
[He had finally managed to bring the sobs under control, for the most part, though his breathing was still far too hard and strained and his eyes were still swimming in tears. Force, he was pathetic.]
How can I-- possibly justify-- when I feel like this for you--
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You don't - mean any of that. About - falling for me. I promise. You're just - in mourning. You don't love me. Okay? You just want - him. You told me. Remember? It was wrong of me - to make you say that. I'm sorry.
[ The words are like knives, coming out of him, slicing his throat as he says them. He's making himself relive this, the worst moment of his life, but it's-- what he has to do, he thinks, to keep Poe in touch with what he's really feeling. He keeps getting so, so close to reading into this and just taking what Poe is telling him at face value, and he can't. It'll break him and he won't be able to put himself together again. ]
You deserve-- the world. The sun, the stars, the moon. I wish I could give it to you. I would-- drain my body of blood, turn my bones to dust, let the light fade from my eyes, if I could give you even a second more of happiness. But I'm not...
[ his voice cracks under the pressure of saying all of this when he's trying so, so hard not to fall apart. ]
... who you want. Okay? He is. You deserve-- all of it. From-- him.
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Even if I... Even if he doesn't hate me, now, I...
[The sobbing was done, at least, though it left his voice rough and quiet and dry.]
It's not fair to him, either. I would just end up thinking about you.
I don't deserve either of you.
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I don't...
[ deep breath. ]
I don't want you-- to ever think. That you don't deserve me. There is nothing you could do that would make me want you any less. The warmth you give me, and-- and the ambition-- to be a better man-- it's-- it's all I've ever needed, from the person that I-- that I'd always hoped to fall in love with. Like I have with you.
[ he's falling apart, and he has to stop, because even if he doesn't-- understand, all of this, he understands that poe needs-- something, from him. ]
I am always going to love you. I think. I know it's-- soon, and a lot, and that you don't need to hear that, but I can't imagine ever feeling this happy with anyone else. I don't-- think I can share you, but-- but I'd try. If it would ease something in you. And if it would let me know even more of you.
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That's not-- you don't know, Odin, you're young, I'm not--
I couldn't do I. I can't. [He sagged forward like a sack of potatoes.]
Can you just... Hate me, instead...it'd be better for you in the long run...
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I just want to be with you...
[ He's said it a thousand times, by now, and he knows the words have lost all impact. But it's all he wants. He's resigned, now, to never getting Poe - not fully, not completely - but he just... ]
I just want to be with you.
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I CANT DO IT
I CAAANT THIS THREAD it's too ooc for Poe he would never want to hurt Odin like this I fanntbsjejflsjs
Let's just
Go with the affair thread instead
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THE END
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POE JUSt
ACTUALLY IVE CHANGED MY MIND LETS NEVER LEAVE SPACE AND JUST BE HAPPY FOREVER EVERYTHING IS FINE
THE END
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SOBBING