shadowglitter | ic contact

i caught it but i didn't kill it. it landed in my paws but i let it go. it swam away and i'm never gonna find it again. i'm a useless and bad and stupid person. i'm an awful bear who cant eat fish to save his life. i will starve, come winter. my hibernation will be brief and sad. nvm about the dio thing. he's an alien dude i guess. we were all playing truth or dare, he said truth. i got to ask. i pointed at it and asked how big it was. he gave me measurements and referred to it as "them", and then explained. do you want to know the measurements?

odin there are other fish in the river.
this metaphor also remains stupid.
regardless, you should meditate on why this particular salmon is so important to you.

he can't be the one to do this 'golden showers' to you, seeing as he is a vampire.

no.
i assume you will not even read that and tell me anyway though.

this salmon is validation. the other salmon would be things like-- stability, safety, the things we need to be in touch with ourselves. i don't need that shit yo. i just need validation. and affection and love. i would also like affection and love with my validation. also. chocolate cake. vampires can't... what? they can't? i have A LOT of friendfiction to rewrite. ugh, i wish i'd shown you the story me and hermes wrote before i found out about dio. it's such cool foreshadowing. five inches each when they aren't SHEATHED

why do you need validation, odin?
that is the real question that i will ask you stop talking about salmon for.

why would a vampire need to urinate?
to be fair i'm not certain why a vampire can ejaculate then, but I suppose there must be some reason.
what story? i am
concerned suddenly.

is that large?

oh. uh. just like, as a person? because i have no confidence in myself and i always make the wrong decision and i always have really bad anxiety about who i am and how i am and how people see me and who people see me as. but also don't give me encouragement about what a cool person i am because i've been getting it a lot and it's just depressing me at this point because i can't internalize it properly. brain problems! the cold wight that ensnares the great and mighty odin dark. how do how do you know he can ejaculate lol you're a priest you cant ask that

of course, but i do have a suggestion.
clearly even when you find validation your mind is quick to rebuke or dismiss is.
i think it would be better for you to try and find a way to work with your anxiety, getting these thoughts under control, rather than trying to find validation in external sources.

you have met him, haven't you?
he isn't exactly shy about his sexual escapades.

i'm proud of you, odin. you finally internalized the fact i am a priest.
i assume you will forget it next time it is convenient but i'll take joy in this moment regardless.

archie said something about therapy but i don't really want to do that so y'know. we'll see. i'm so disappointed. that's not the answer i wanted. i'm so disappointed... also, you don't have to ejaculate to bone down. technically. kinda boring though. i just insinuated i wanted you and dio to fuck and i'm disappointed you haven't so i guess i've already lost the internalization. sorry.

therapy would help, but there are other ways if it makes you uncomfortable.
i taught myself techniques to deal with my own anxiety, ones i still use today.
even addressing the problem for what it is may be helpful.

i very much doubt dio would enjoy 'boning down' without that pay off.

why do you want that exactly?
unless it's just your fascination with everyone's sex lives speaking.

maybe. normally i just, polish weapons and do sword maintenance, because it's calm and methodical and i don't have much calm methodical stuff in my life. buuut not many people have imperfect swords around here in need of a good honing. teach me your stuff. i dunno. he seems like he'd get off on just being called cool. we are the same in that regard. bored. i'd like a scandal to focus on. i got (very) brutally rejected on national television and they're cutting scenes of the confession and using it in commercials for the show. if my cool priest friend pucci turned out to be a godless heathen deviant thanks to his natural biological urges, woah woah woah woah woah. what a distraction.

you should try taking up a hobby that requires using your hands in such a way.
i believe magnus does woodcarving, perhaps ask him about starting such a thing.
i count prime numbers when i begin feeling overwhelmed. do you know what prime numbers are?
i'm uncertain if such mathematical concepts cross universes.

you should try to be more respectful, you know, he has been alive a long time.
still, i can't say he doesn't enjoy that.

oh goodness.
well i don't believe a distraction such as that would ultimately be helpful.
maybe one a little less ridiculous and gossip worthy.

hot magnus? fuck! i gave lord magnus a woodcarving kit as a housewarming gift. i fucked up. i should've given it to hot magnus. i'm turning them into a singularity. i know what prime numbers are but i also don't know what prime numbers are. i think 7 is one? so... math. soooooooorryyyyyyyy. i keep disrespecting your hot vampire friend. i don't mean to. a part of me is just jealous, i think. to be so in touch with the cloak of shadow, the umbral spectre of his fallen ways, wrapped in immortality and blessed by an undying death. so cool. yeah i guess. im just sad and bored and i want a better life. tell me something happy. or a story about your life back home.

lucretia paints as well, if you think you'd be inclined to more artistic endeavors.
needless to say i believe you should give something like it a try.
prime numbers are any number, higher than 1, that can only be divided by one and itself.
so 2, 3, 5 and yes, 7. the list goes on.
i find it calming.

dio has suggested vampirism to me, but i think humanity is too important.
try to find some comfort and strength in it, odin. human beings are remarkable in their own right.
also i feel you may miss sunlight.

alright, if you wish.
i was born with a deformity of my left foot, nothing serious though it made it hard to run or do more physical pursuits growing up.
dio fixed it upon our first meeting, how he did i'm still not entirely sure.
regardless, my sister was delighted when she learned of this miracle.
even if she didn't believe my story of a strange man in the pews.
she insisted on teaching me to dance properly, now that i 'had no excuse not to.'
she said i was 'lame' and needed to learn such things and it was her burden to teach me.

she was so overeager in her lesson she ended up twisting her own ankle and needing my help much the way she helped me growing up when my foot was particularly bothersome.
perla was less than pleased that i laughed at her misfortune.
you would probably enjoy those dances. they were very
energetic.

i'm pretty good at drawing, actually. but it isn't good for stress relief for me. for a number of reasons. i'm glad you're making so many friends, my dude. you've come a long way from staring miserably at the poochy's poochy pooch palace sign above your poochy pooch palace. i'll try the counting thing. weird. humans blow. bad choice. boooo. i WOULD miss sunlight, though. i wish i could be a vampire that was ok in the sunlight. spooky and evil at night. sparkly or something in the day? or rainbow. shoots rainbows in the day. your sister is the best. i kind of relate to her? i think i would have done the same thing, in her shoes. her cool, dancing shoes. did dio use wild magic to make perla hurt her ankle in exchange for fixing yours, do you think? like a monkey paw kind of deal. cause that'd suck. but. i don't know why i said that. that was shitty. i'm sure he's great and angelic and the irony of your sister getting hurt was just that. can you teach me how to dance like her?

music, then? i still believe wood carving may be a good thing for you.
though i'm sure you'll make phallus shapes immediately.
and yes, it's been an interesting experience.
that group, magnus and his friends, are kind one.

that sounds oddly familiar.
still, what would you do about food? from most vampiric lore fledgling vampires have terrible control and often kill their victims.

yes, she was.
magnus said something to me, during the memory nonsense. we spoke of how it's easy to not speak of those we've lost, to not hear their names said, or written, in this case.
i am glad i spoke of her to you.
it is good, i believe, that something of her is still spoken outloud.
i appreciate it, odin.

i think dio simply used his blood without me noticing, so no.
i could, if you'd like.
though i warn you her dances are
well, now that i say it i realize you'll likely enjoy them.
they're a spectacle.

music might be nice... i've known a lot of musicians. it's basically writing with numbers, so... a mix of your thing and mine. i'll do wood carving first, though. it does sound a lot like something i would be interested in. when i come back from space i will ask artists for help. i dunno, kill my victims i guess? i'm gonna love her dances. perla sounds amazing. i really want her to show up on day.

an artistic pursuit may help channel some of your thoughts in a productive way.
and given your love of the limelight i'm sure performing would be enjoyable.
still, i agree very much with trying wood carving first.

and this wouldn't bother you?

i would as well.
when you are back i will show you the dances as best i can.

i feel like that was an insult but you're too accurate for me to dispute it? i might get into working with clay, too. i think molding something from nothing so physically would be good for me. you're really helpful. have i ever told that to you? you help clear my head in a way a lot of people don't. and. i mean. honest answer? i dunno. not as much as it would for someone who's never killed before. i don't want to kill anyone innocent, but it's not like america is a concentrated hive of the good. okay. should i prepare an outfit?

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