Odin (Owain) | Fire Emblem (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
shadowglitter) wrote2017-09-04 05:02 pm
shadowglitter) wrote2017-09-04 05:02 pm
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I only drink Chocolate Milk. THE DARKEST OF MILKS!
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INBOX
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I only drink Chocolate Milk. THE DARKEST OF MILKS!
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[ Still, he listens to the rest of Foggy's story, attentive, chuckling at the right moments and feeling kind of sentimental and distant during the rest. He's starting to see something of himself in Foggy that he didn't realize was there - his relationship with Matt reminds Odin of his own with Peter, his partner in crime who he'd fuck with at a moment's notice if he thought it would make the both of them laugh. He didn't meet Peter until coming here, and the stark realization that he could just-- go, be ported out at any moment-- hits his already hollow stomach pretty hard. He nervously taps his fingernails against his bottle of beer, swallowing his anxiety down.
When Foggy starts talking about the last time he saw Matt, the celebration, tears start to prickle in the corner of Odin's eyes. He tags a swig of his beer and wipes his eyes on the back of his arm, but this sadness just wells up in his chest. It hits him harder and harder, out of nowhere, and he's trying to hold himself together, but it's - it's hard. He rests his elbows on the table and hides his eyes behind the heels of his palms, trying to rub the tears away and ultimately failing. It's the would I invite you out for beer if I didn't at least want to be friends with you? that finally, completely breaks the dam. The surge of untenable affection for Foggy that rushes through him is overwhelmingly strong, and all the heartache over Poe, all his empathy for Matt not being here just-- it's a lot. It's a lot.
His voice is very watery, when he speaks again. His throat is burning under the pressure of trying to keep it steady, and he's crying, openly but quietly, tears flooding down his cheeks faster than he can get rid of them. ]
You shouldn't have to be without him. That's not fair. He should be here, too. With you.
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You've got to become a lawyer someday. You get to make dramatic speeches to an audience in order to prove someone innocent of a crime, and you can probably model your unique style to a brand-new profession that's lacking in it. We wear suits all day, it's kind of sad. [And also because Foggy would crack up laughing.]
Think about it! [In a more dramatic voice:] Odin Dark, attorney-at-law!
[God, it would be a disaster. But an entertaining one.
He pauses, when Odin starts talking about Matt. All the homesickness and loneliness of the past few months crashes back down on him, and he drains his bottle of half its contents. Because god, Odin's right, it just isn't fair that he's here and Matt's in New York. The problem here is that he wouldn't wish this fate on anyoneβyanked to another world, alone and worrying over everyone he knows and loves in his old one.
He wonders about Odin. Has he got anything to go back home to? Does he have someone like Matt and Karen, weighing on his heart everyday? Is he alone at home, too?]
Things aren't always fair, Odin. We fight to make it as fair as we can, but sometimes they justβdon't work out that way. [That had been what pushed Matt to put on a mask. Or at least that's what Matt said pushed him. Sometimes he wonders if there wasn't something else, too.] Anyway, Matt's a New Yorker through and through, I'm not sure he's ever even stepped out of the city. He'd be a fish out of water in this world, for sure.
[Doesn't change the fact that Foggy still misses him.]
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I don't... think they'd let me be a lawyer. I'm not smart, like you. I'm good at writing, and I'm good at killing bad guys, and I'm good at having sweet abs. That's all I've got.
[ He smiles, though, eyes down and far away. He finishes his beer and wipes at his eyes again, frustrated with himself for being like this, and he exhales hard and fast, trying to clear his head. It doesn't work. He threads his fingers through his hair, scrubbing at his scalp like he's trying to kickstart his brain into working, or to at least just stop crying in front of Foggy, fuck, but - nothing works.
Odin takes a deep breath and forges through it all. ]
I don't - I don't fit in here, either. But, I've made friends, and - and they're helping me make this place feel like home. Peter. And Magnus. And Archie, and Pucci, and everyone else I know. Poe--
[ He flinches like he's been hit, cutting himself short. He taps his nails on his empty bottle again, looking anxiously around for a waitress he can order another drink from. Foggy telling him that things aren't always fair is-- true, of course it's true, he knows that more than anyone, but-- he thinks of the people who died, to get him where he is today, and he has to shake his head to get their faces clear from his thoughts. Not now. ]
I haven't had a home for a really, really long time. And - even now, it's hard to feel stable, like I can set up roots here. Even if the threat of being ported out didn't loom over all of us like some kind of-- monster, that feasted on imports, it's-- I don't have stability. Back home. Just waiting. Until I die, or I leave again. So it's hard. To feel like the ground isn't falling. You know?
But. I feel like, I'm close to something that's like home. Here. Because of my friends, who work really hard to make me feel loved, like you are right now. So - even if Matt wouldn't fit in here, or if he was always itching to get back to New York, you'd make him feel at home. Because you're already his home. You're home. For him. Right? So. Maybe he'll come. And you'll be home. And it'll be good. And.
And you'll let me see what he looks like with lots of glitter on him.
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[He believes in you, buddy!
But oh, okay, Odin's crying now. He places his beer down and reaches out to take his hand, because he can't just sit here and watch this guy break down crying. Maybe he could, in another setting, but he'd invited Odin out for a few drinks, it falls to him to make sure Odin is okay.
Poeβthe guy who'd broken Odin's heart on TV. As unhappy as Foggy is about it, as much as he wants to pin the blame on this total stranger, he finds he can't really blame him either. Sometimes love hurts. That's just how it works.]
Yeah. [There's something sad in his voice. He knows what it feels like, to have the rug figuratively yanked out from under you.] Yeah, I know. Sometimes all you can do is keep walking and try not to look down.
[Because how else can you cope?
You're already his home. Foggy looks down, and breathes sadly out. Maybe once he was sure of that, but he can't help but think of Matt's words: the city needs me in that mask. He can't help but think of Elektra, talking about Paris and San Sebastian and Santorini, and Matt choosing to stay in New York, instead. Both times, the city was Matt's top priority, and not even friendship or love could sway him from his course.
If Matt wouldn't follow Elektra out of New York, Foggy's pretty sure he has very little chance of making Matt feel like he's home.]
Right.
[It sounds like a lie to Foggy's ears. One that's well-practiced, one he might've even believed.
He manages a grin.]
I'll get him to wear something glittery just for you. Probably won't even know. [He'll know, Foggy will have to bribe him.]
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M'sorry. For crying. And for saying the stuff I said about-- home. Or whatever. It was melodramatic. I'm melodramatic. I'm a mess. I just-- want you to be happy. With him. Here. Together. Like you should be. Your glittery prince prank boy.
[ He lets himself lay there for a while, and while the tears don't stop, exactly, he's slightly more composed by the time he sits up straight. He wipes his eyes again, mumbling another apology as he rests his forearms on the table, holding his elbows like he's hugging his arms.
He's silent for a long time.
And then he realizes he wants Foggy to know more about him. If they're going to be friends, he - he wants it to be real. He wants it to last. ]
There's - one of my friends. Back home. Her name was Cynthia. I've, um - I don't have the words to describe her. She was bright, like the stars. Beautiful in a way few people in my life have ever been since. She was strong and brave and believed in doing good by people no matter what. She wasn't... my Matt, exactly. She had her own best friends, her own life outside of me, I wasn't ever-- I don't know if I was as close to her as you were to--
It doesn't matter. She was just - an inspirational person, you know? A hero. There were - a few of us, who lost our parents at a young age. Cynthia was one of them. She smiled though it all, for the rest of us, even though... the blow she took was one of the hardest. Her mother was strong, but not made for war. She shouldn't have had to - die. The way she did.
... When we were little, Cynthia and I founded this superhero gang, right? We called it The Justice Cabal. There were a couple of other kids who played with us, too - Morgan and Gerome - but Gerome quit when he grew out of it and Morgan was, like, our arch enemy who we would bring down at the end of playtime, when we were done saving cats from trees or helping our dads chop firewood. We used to run around the palace I grew up in asking the maids to send us on quests, and they'd make us do things like change the sheets on the beds or clean the floors... and we loved it, because it made us feel strong and useful and wanted. She called herself Beano the Barbarian Queen, for some reason. I never understood where she came up with it...
[ Odin gets a faraway look in his eyes, thinking of home. The people he loved, the family he had, everyone who meant something to him. Before it burned, and was later forgotten. ]
Anyway... the reason I bring this up is because somebody told me that "cabal" is a criminal thing. So. If I ever see her again, I'm gonna change our name to the Justice Pals. Which is pretty sweet, right? But. If I'm ported out before she gets here, you'll have to tell her for me, okay? You and Matt can be honorary members, if you want. The only requirements for membership are a love of all things good, a need to protect the weak and a calling to punish ne'er-do-wells.
I think maybe those are all ideals you value. That's the sense I get from you, at least.
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[Dramatic Sigh. His best friend is such a little shit, what can you do about that. Anyway, Foggy's relieved Odin's apparently bought the lie hook, line and sinker, because Foggy's not sure how to explain why he thinks Matt would put Hell's Kitchen above him, every time. Not without telling the truth about Daredevil.
And he's told enough people that already.]
It's fine. Just let it out, man, you'll feel loads better. And hey, maybe I needed to hear that part about home. [He did not, all it did was make him miss it all the more, but he's just not going to mention that bit. This is, after all, about Odin right now, and Foggy's not going to drag his own worries into it. No, instead, he is going to sit here and drink beer and listen to this story about Cynthia and feel very quietly sad about whatever shitty, no doubt bagel-less world Odin's from that so many people lose their parents so damn young.
(Though, wow, he grew up in a palace?)
He listens. Thinks of Matt, and Karen, and Elena, may she rest in peace.]
He's family. [Foggy might be the only thing Matt has to family. Might be, anyway. Sometimes he's not so sure.] She sounds like she's yours. Or close to it, anyway. [He wonders if Odin worries about her. If she worries about him. If she can still even worry about this kid she knew and played games with, when they were younger.] Plus she reminds me of someoneβnot just Matt. I haven't told you about Karen yetβwanna hear about her?
[Since they're trading stories about their loved ones and all.]
Yeah, technically it's a secret faction that usually wants to do really bad things. But I don't know, maybeβI think Revengers is free, if you want a cool name for your team. [Little does he know, it's already taken.] And if that happens, I swear, I promise I'll tell her that. And I'll tell her that you were a good friend, too, and not a shabby hero either.
[A beat.]
That's me, standing up for the little guy for little to no pay. [It's a light joke, but oh, look, now Foggy's getting a little emotional too.] I wouldn't say punish, even ne'er-do-wells deserve a fair trial.
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He just smiles, warm if a little shaky, feeling genuinely comforted - especially by Foggy calling Cynthia family - and he's actually kind of proud of himself. As far as he's concerned, he made Foggy feel better about his own life, and being able to do that for a person is something Odin needed right now. ]
Yeah, I do. Tell me about Karen.
[ He laughs, though, at the name "Revengers", which he's totally fucking stealing. He gets that faraway look in his eyes again when Foggy promises to talk him up to Cynthia, if she ever shows up, but it's brighter, just a fraction. He's pulled out of his head just enough to detect a bit of emotion in Foggy's joke, and he wants to do something to make him smile.
He falls back on acting stupid and weird and welcoming. His usual tactic. ]
... Okay. Okay, yeah. That's settled, then. Honorary member to the Revenginating Justice Pals of Ultimate Friendship. [ He sets his elbow on the table, holding his hand out. ] Shake on it.
Wait -
[ He spits in his hand. Gross? ]
Be my spit brother. Join with me in this unbreakable bond.
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Maybe hold off on the spit swear if Matt ever comes in. He's kind of not a big fan. [For a guy who pounds people's faces in with his fists every night, Matt's sure picky about spit swears.] But I'm glad for the honor and I'm sure he will be too.
[Move over Defenders. He takes another sip of his beer.]
Okay, so, Karen. She's the secretary for our firm, and she's a good person even though she makes terrible coffee but great, virtuous soup. [A little huff of laughter.] We drank the eel one time, at a place like this. The hangover was painful as hell, but it was worth it.
[He misses her. He misses her so much it's like missing a kidney or something, and he isn't sure if it's just Karen specifically or Karen and Matt and New York in general, but the point of it isβhe misses her. Some part of him selfishly wants her and Matt here. The rest wouldn't exactly wish the trauma of getting dragged from one world to another on either of them.]
I haven't known her for as long as I've known Matt, so I don't have as many stories about her, but I could tell you about the epic bender we had. [A beat.] What I can remember of it, anyway. It gets fuzzy.
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Everyone I know drinks coffee so awful I imagine the gods themselves have turned their backs on it. My friend Archie just drinks this, like, pitch black sludge - it's the worst. I'm sure Karen's can't be that bad, comparatively.
[ The more Odin listens to Foggy talk, the fonder he looks. He's still sad, of course he is, but the tears are all but dry and his voice is finding its legs again. He wishes he knew the right things to say. He wants to reassure Foggy, tell him he'll see his friends again, but he knows how hurtful blind promises can be. All he can do is hope they show up, despite everything this America deals with. ]
Yeah. I wanna hear about your epic bender. Tell me. [ He orders a second beer from a passing waitress, though, both for him and for Foggy, and when they're delivered he checks for eels. These fucking things. He cracks open the cap and takes a sip, and he eyes Foggy thoughtfully for a second.
May as well just ask. ]
Um, first though? Um. Uh. I mean - Karen and Matt. Are you - in love with either of them?
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IβNo, no, it's not. It's not like that. [Barring his infatuation with Matt in college that he likes to think he got over and his slight maybe-romantic fondness for Karen, anyway, neither of which are ever going to see the light of day if he's got anything to say about it.] Matt's my best friend and business partner, Karen's my best friend and secretary. Romantic entanglements would make things a little bit messy. A lot messy, actually.
[Which doesn't change the fact that he would drop a lot of things for either of them.
Noticeably: he hasn't said he's not in love with either of them.]
God, okayβso me and Karen are just in the office, right? It's a slow night, Matt's not around because he went home like every person looking forward to sleep does [sleep or punching people in the face] and we're the only ones there, and Karen doesn't feel like going home 'cause of reasons, and neither do I. So I get this brilliant idea of going out to hit as many bars in Hell's Kitchen as we can.
[A little shrug.] I mean, you're only young once, and all.
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Boy.
While Foggy should be thankful that Odin doesn't know lawyers are supposed to be good liars, he should also know that Odin totally isn't bothering to hide the sheer incredulity on his face. Just. 100% scepticism. Every inch of him, scepticism. Scepticism, as far as the eye can see. The freshest broadway hit, in town for one night only! Scepticism: The Odin Dark story!
On the other hand, given everything he's been through recently, he - he knows that love is hard to talk about. As much as he would like to offer an ear to Foggy, he lets that part of the conversation die. For now. ]
I travelled through time and saw an alternate version of myself as a baby, but yeah, you're only young once. I get it. How many fires did you guys end up starting?
[ He sips his drink again. And then his rare moment of tactfulness dies as quickly as it was born into this world. ]
Which one of them are you in love with? Both? It's okay if it's both. I've met people here who are dating two people. Or - maybe you don't want to say "love". Maybe it's just a feelings thing? Like you've got a crush or something. That's okay, too.
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[There's barely even a pause in his voice before he lies straight to Odin's face about what Matt must've been doing, that night. The guilt's still there, but it doesn't stop him from doing it anyway.]
We drank the eel. We were loud as hell and embarrassed ourselves in front of fellow night owls who were more sober than we were. It wasβnice. [He takes a sip of his drink, basking in the warmth of nostalgia. For a moment, it's perfect, he can't ask for anything more than this: talking about his friends to another friend, even despite the sting of homesickness and loneliness.
...and then Odin up and asks him that question and Foggy very nearly spits his drink out again.
Con-fucking-gratulations, he nearly choked twice in one night.]
IβThat's notβWe aren'tβIt's notβ
[Oh, wait:] I'm already dating someone! Here, I mean. His name's Piper, he's a great guy, he can talk to rodents. [It's still not an answer, Nelson! But he absolutely does not know how he's going to talk about his own more than platonic feelings for either Matt or Karen, becauseβwell. Reasons.]
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[ Odin smiles and thinks of home, of the nights he would sneak away from the rest of his army to hit the town and waste the night away on stupid bullshit with his friends. It didn't happen often, and he always regretted it, for one reason or another - but it was nice, to have this connection with Foggy, he thinks. He opens his mouth to make a joke about Karen's singing, but he just shuts it, his voice dying off in his throat. He's too focused on, uh - the other half of this conversation.
That second bout of choking alone should have be enough for Odin to realize he's crossing a line, and the way Foggy deflects again by talking about the man he's currently dating should only hammer that line of thinking in. It does, to an extent, so again, Odin falls quiet in an attempt to be kind. Buuuuuuut again, his attempt only lasts for about twelve seconds. ]
That doesn't... necessarily...
[ He scratches his neck, then sighs, frustrated. He's starting to sound pretty petulant, actually, like he's getting annoyed with Foggy's answers, but he doesn't have the self-awareness to realize why that might be. When Poe shot him down up in space, it was with the words I already know what I want - who I want, shutting a door so thoroughly on any future relationship he and Odin might have in the future. And that's - fine, but he still wants it, he still wants Poe, and Foggy's just-- making himself the perfect target for Odin to project his feelings about that onto. ]
That doesn't-- mean something. Necessarily. People can love more than one person. Right? Just because you love somebody right now doesn't mean you can't also love-- somebody else. At the same time. Eventually. Or - simultaneously. Right? Like. I couldn't? I don't think? I'd die. Probably. But other people can. Probably. Probably. Maybe. I think. I'd try it? If I had to. So.
[ So. So. Yeah. He looks off to the side, frowning, his thoughts a thousand miles away. Still with Poe. ]
... What's Piper like?
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[Says the man who graduated cum laude from the same university, but Foggy very conveniently leaves that out. But he looks at Odin like he really does not want to have to deal with questions ofβof what he wants, who he wants. President of the Sad Bastards Club he might be, but at the moment Foggy really does not want to talk about himself, would rather deflect questions about his slightly more than platonic feelings towards Matt and Karen, talk about stupid embarrassing stories instead of Emotions.
Sure, people can love more than one person. He's seen that himself. But he sighs, and shakes his head.]
It doesn't work that way for everyone. Sometimes it does, and everyone gets to be happy. But most of the time, it justβ
[He sighs, and fills up his glass again.]
It's complicated and messy, Odin. Sometimes when you love someone, they're it for you, either at the time or for the rest of your life. Other times you've got room to love someone else, too. The problem is, you never really know for sure.
[A small, almost shy smile, before he says:] He'sβnice. We met on a blind date [hah!] and we hit it right off.
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[ He grins, even though he has no fucking idea what Columbia or summa cum laude actually mean, but. From context he can tell these are Smart Earth Person things and that's good enough for him. He falls quiet, though. He doesn't pick up on Foggy not wanting to talk about his emotional shit in any more depth than he already has, but he's successfully placated by his answer, enough to let the conversation drift. He briefly considers calling it a night, because the direct and explicit reminder that love is stupid and confusing and he'll never fully grasp it is kind of a little too much for him to bear right now, but that fucking adorable shy little smile brings Odin back in.
He considers what he wants to say before he says it. ]
Me and Poe, um... we met while I was being kind of an asshole? I was trying to show off how cool I was by filming myself doing these stupid skateboard tricks. I kept talking about how badass I was and how talented I was and he just, like, laughed and went along with it all. [ Odin laughs. ] And afterwards, we started hanging out a lot, 'cause I found out he's my next door neighbour? And I kept trying really hard to act stupid whenever I was around him, 'cause I was really starting to like him and I thought all the Odin Pretends To Be Way Stupider Than He Actually Is bullshit was the only reason why he kept letting me be with him. Because, like - he's so great. You know? I still don't understand why someone as intelligent and funny and charismatic and creative and interesting and brave and strong as Poe would even, like. Look at me. Let alone want to spend time with me.
But then it turned out he just liked being with me? It was weird. He's weird. [ He hesitates. ] Man, before I confessed to him, I kept thinking, "fuck, I could marry this man one day". I have the ring I would have given him and everything? Ugh. I'm glad I never told him that.
[ Odin shrugs. He should probably stop talking about Poe so much, he thinks. It's not going to go anywhere and he's pretty sure as kind as Foggy is for inviting him out like this, he probably doesn't actually give a shit about all the sad and gory details. He looks away for a second, and then-- he grins, suddenly, toothy and sharp. ]
Hey. Hey. Hey. You gonna marry Piper, do you think?
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[At the time he hadn't known why. He'd just thought that, hey, maybe Matt was picking up girls all by himself or something. He knows better now, however, and it sits heavy in his stomach, that knowledge. All that time he was on that bender with Karen, and Matt was out late, doing God only knows what, fighting in the backalleys of Hell's Kitchen, putting himself at risk. Something horrible could've happened that night, and all those other nights out Foggy had. And he would never have known.
He takes a sip of his drink. Listens to Odin's story, instead.]
Do youβDo you really think the "Odin Dark Pretends to Be A Total Dumbass" shit is the entire reason why anyone would hang out with you? Because if so, you're doing yourself a disservice. You'reβ
[Argh, okay, wait.]
βdaring. Who wouldn't want to hang out with that? [Daring is the nicest way Foggy has of putting it, because it's that or "a goddamn fuck-up", and that's not something you say to a guy who's just had his heartbreak broadcast on live TV.]
Andβno? We've only just been on a few dates, it's too early to say if we're getting married.
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That's what you're going with? "Daring"? There were so many other adjectives you could have gone with, if you wanted to compliment me. Charismatic. Funny. Irresistably physically attractive. [ he pulls up his hoodie, slapping his abs as hard as he can. ] Ch--
[ wheeze. Slapping his abs was a bad idea, one that left him winded. He grips the table with both hands, coughing a little. He takes a minute to calm down, and then he lifts up his hoodie again like that never happened and slaps his chest, instead. Slightly lighter, this time. ]
Check out these pecs!
[ so smooth. he casually leaves his hoodie hooked up over his shoulder while they talk, just letting his bare torso hang out in this place where people serve food like it's no big deal. ]
... But, yeah. I do. I'm not-- [ He hesitates, here, wondering if he's about to cross a bridge with Foggy he can't really come back from. He decides he doesn't have much of a choice, at this point. ] I'm not-- a good person. In a lot of ways. I come from a family of these-- amazing, brilliant, heroic royals, and I've completely dirtied the blood in my veins by being such a genuine disappointment in every aspect of my life. I've killed... more people than I can count. I don't even know the number, anymore. Indirectly. Directly. Stained my hands with blood. People don't... I don't have anything to offer. As a friend. As more than a friend. All I have is an ability to be funny, sometimes. So. I try to be funny. I guess.
[ ugh, he wants another drink. ]
You should marry your boyfriend.