Odin (Owain) | Fire Emblem (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
shadowglitter) wrote2017-09-04 05:02 pm
shadowglitter) wrote2017-09-04 05:02 pm
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I only drink Chocolate Milk. THE DARKEST OF MILKS!
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INBOX
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I only drink Chocolate Milk. THE DARKEST OF MILKS!
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But so... they eat fruit...
What would happen if you took that corn, which I guess is a fruit for the sake of this joke and entirely within that context, and
made it forbidden?
Pucci, what I'm saying is you should marry that woman.
You're young! You're full of candy-fueled energy! YOU MET A GIRL THAT YOU LIKE. And you're obviously compatible if you're gorging yourself on refined human earth snacks together!
Now's the time to seize the day! Ask her out!! ASK HER OUT RIGHT NOW.
PS. Is Whitesnake the yogurt champ? Please give him candy and tell me what happens. He could stand to loosen up.
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also i would never take food from a raccoon. that is ludicrous, odin.
oh, i did not read the rest of your message, i see.
you are trying to 'hook me up,' as the youth says.
again, odin, i am a priest, which i remind you of often.
also even if i were in a religion or sect that allowed their holy men to marry i have never found myself interested in women, so there would be little chance of such a union working out.
ps to odin: yes, he is the yogurt. i will do so.
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But okay.
You're right.
I'm sorry if I suggested in any way that you should commit larceny on a sweet raccoon's sweet food. I don't think I did that, but I guess I did. I'm a fool and a liar and unworthy of this raccoon picture.
MAY BRIMSTONE TEAR OPEN THE BLEEDING SKY AND FALL ATOP MY WORTHLESS CROWN, RENDING THIS POINTLESS BODY ASUNDER.
Man, I had no idea!
Sorry. I'm an asshole. I shouldn't have made assumptions.
Sexuality is a weird and confusing topic that I only sort of understand.
If you ever wanna talk about banging dudes or whatever, hit me up!!!!!!!
Emotionally banging them, I mean. Because you don't use your priest-body for that kind of thing.
It is... forbidden.
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odin, this isn't true, in case my sarcasm and exaggeration do not get across.
you may call me a grain, if you wish. i permit it.
it's better than the usual, honestly.
what?
oh, i see, yes i suppose it is.
it's strange, i rarely speak of it i often forget the complications when it comes to my own person.
thank you, odin, and yes, i am still a priest. my 'priest-body' isn't used for 'that kind of thing.'
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The blessing title has been placed upon you.
Acknowledge and understand your new role as King of the Grain, and lament your humanity, which now you must let go.
"Bye, humanity!", says Pucci, smirking as he turns into corn.
I don't know.
More importantly, listen.
I respect you. I respect the shut-down you have on your priest-body's priest-nis. (Hehe.)
I honestly do. I respect and admire your choices and the way you've I guess chosen to live without your other half. Your soulmate.
It's cool and not at all heartbreakingly sad to me that you've decided to wander through life alone, your soul never to join with another's.
And I hope what I'm about to say doesn't come across as me being ignorant or else violating your boundaries, because I feel as if we are good friends and the last thing I want to do is cause you any discomfort.
However.
LIFE IS SIMPLY UNFAIR.
I really just don't understand it. I just do not get it.
I've read so many romance novels - especially those themed around the clergy, as of late, having established our bromance and gaining an interest in learning more about your cloth - and all of them, every novel, every single one? Lies. Lies!
You don't like corruption.
Archie, the pirate, is all nice and (as far as I know) doesn't sleep around, rather than a rogueish conquerer who makes maiden's hearts flutter.
And there are so many more! Men. Women. All of you beautiful, shining beacons, chiseled from marble. Marble made on the sun. Sun-marble.
You hot pieces of shit have all these weapons in your arsenal and you just sit around being monogamous and/or chaste.
This isn't the sort of thing I noticed in my home world, but I'm starting to suspect that is because I spent all my time and energy curbing the behavior of the self-indulgent lecherous debaucherers that ended up in my care.
Because I'm starting to get it! I'M STARTING TO GET WHAT IT IS TO VIEW PEOPLE AS "SEXY".
I, the moon, lack the light the rest of you so brightly emit!
And that's fine.
But I just.
I just would party so much if I were strict and religious.
I would bang so many sailors and mermaids if I were a pirate.
I long for this.
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i enjoyed it, though both priests and americans tend to shy away from becoming monarchy.
what a fantastical world you have created, odin.
don't say priest-nis.
odin, usually i would find this cascade of words from your fingertips troubling, both the typical content you bestow upon me and the fact you believe yourself as lacking the light of sun in the eyes of the masses.
something along those lines.
but, at the moment, i find myself quite unable to worry, likely due to the raccoon drugs. i apologize if i am flippant in this way.
perhaps you are learning reality is not a romance novel.
also i am lending you some books, you need something less
trashy
yes i said it. when will these terrible raccoon drugs free me?
i am quite amused, so you know. if it did not come across.
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A small, insignificant beast. A goldfish to a whale.
Friendfiction is an ageless leviathan that dwells within the crushing pressures of the darkest sea, with the sea in this case being representative of your friend's - the subject of the fiction in question - potential.
Friendfiction is the life of that sea. Friendfiction is your friend's potential brought to life.
For instance, I think at your best, you would be happy and loved, but also I think if you made it with a werewolf, that should be hooked up on the national broadcast.
I could really only delve into that AU in, at its shortest, a 60,000 word longfic.
There is just too much material to cover.
I'm happy you're amused, but also,
I'm going to say priest-nis if you call my novels trashy again. Get ready! I'm weaponizing this friendship!
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Mighty big talk. Mighty big, brave talk for a big, brave man. You must have quite a lot to back it up. Must have quite a lot to inspire you to be so big and brave.
After all, I told you what would happen.
And yet still - you lie like this. You lie, and you sin.
There must be a reason. What could it be? Perhaps...
Perhaps you have...
Perhaps the reason is... because you have...
A mighty
and big
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i fucked up
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I love you, Enrico Pucci.
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no trial you hand me is too great.
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