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nothing'S WO nR OGN MAGANUS

[ there's a thud from somewhere in fauxhalla as he rolls frantically on the ground and hits his head on the wall. fucking. henngh ]

he made things weird! and frustrated you! and you don't like him! and you don't want me to make you stuff. i think. i think you want me to leave you alone? or that you don't respect me for the decision i'm making with staying friends with poe which would be fair but it's scary and i can't tell. I CAN'T TELL. I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE RIGHT THING TO DO IS!!! I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING WITH MY LIFE I'M GOING TO RUN AWAY AND START A BAND I'M GETTING OK AT GUITAR!! I COULD DO IT!! I COULD DO IT REALLY WELL

1. he made things weird, that's not on you.
2. yeah, he frustrated me, and i don't like him. also not on you.
3. you can make me shit if you want to.
4. i have a hard time doing words when i'm pissed or upset about stuff. it's called internalizing and it's bad. it makes me sound standoffish i guess.
5. i wouldn't lose respect for you over being in love with a guy i don't like. you don't get to pick who you love.
6. this is why i usually call (see: 4).
7. what would your band be named?
8. you have a guitar?

should i do a list? i'm doing a list. 1. i feel responsible for his actions because he knows you through me - i know i can't control what comes out of his mouth but if he's done something to upset you in some way i feel partially to blame and i want to know what i can do to patch things up, not only because i'm a meddlesome piece of shit but because i don't want two people i love to be at odds with each other 2. i think i answered this in 1? help i'm really bad at lists 3. i don't want to make you something if you don't want it. there is no point in me expressing my love for you if it won't make you happy. last time i did that my life went to shit on national television. 4. i'm sorry for being insensitive. i kind of already knew that already. but i snowball things really easily when i'm worried and end up reacting loudly and in a stupid way. 5. >:( 6. i love you 7. ?!?!?!?!?!? LET'S TABLE THIS AND TALK ABOUT IT WITH ALEX AND PETER ONE DAY 8. yeah. Someone told me very seriously to start doing art stuff with my hands when I'm hurting and it's been working out really well I think. I've been playing it at night? But you sleep at 4am like a normal regular person so you probably haven't heard it. I'm trying to get the courage to ask Alex to teach me how to do stuff with clay but I'm scared she'll make fun of me even though I know she never ever ever would.

you're so bad at lists

1. don't
2. see: 1
3. ok. it would make me happy.
4. it's fine. just know i'm word constipated, not mad.
5. ? why
6. ok
7. ok
8. alex is the same way. she's always making and breaking stuff when she's worked up. she'd definitely want to teach you stuff with clay.

1. i do? you can't just tell me not to. this is how i feel. 2. what you mean see my answer? that i just wrote? oh no you meant don't again. because my 1 and 2 were the same last time. ok, got it. see: 1. 3. okay. good. 3. i don't mind that. just, i don't like seeing you like this, and i don't like that i'm not good enough to put my own shit aside to think through how to help you. but i think you probably don't even need my help? but. 4. why do i snowball things? i don't know. i just have... wait, didn't i answer... 5. ...? 6 i think 7 i think i got my numbers lost somewhere 8 ? huh? um 9 hold on oh, i doubled up on 3. ok, continuing the list properly, sorry. 4. like i said, it's okay, i just wish i knew how to ease away the pissed off and upset stuff you're feeling. is there anything i can do at all? 5. i'm just, i think i'm being selfish. with poe. and it's affecting my relationships with other people. i'm just frustrated. with myself. i think. 6. did you just "ok" my i love you? 7. try it again. i love you. 8. i don't think i could break stuff without getting more stressed out. the whole point is that it's supposed to be a way for me to get back into weapon maintenance, which is what i used to do to calm down back home - polishing armor and sharpening blades and smoothing out knicks and dents, things like that. the direct opposite of breaking stuff.

you're so bad at lists oh my gods???

leave me alone

1. you are never responsible for the actions of others. you can't be. everyone has to be in charge of their own shit.
2. why did you go 1-2-1-3-3?
3. n/a
4. no. i just have to be mad for a while. it's fine.
5. maybe. but love makes people selfish. if it's something you're upset about, you can change what you're doing, though.
6. yeah, i did.
7. **ok. thanks
8. talk to her.

Edited 2017-12-15 04:33 (UTC)

1. that's stupid? 2. i'm stupid? 3. N/A?? what do we do with the 3? do we just leave it floating? should we keep talking about stuff in 3 so the list still works? help me 4. wanna punch me? i can take punches. i also laughed while writing this because i think if you tried to punch someone your arm would fall off. 4.5. i'm being insensitive again sorry. 5. i'm not gonna do that. just gonna stay upset and selfish. i guess. so i shouldn't have brought it up in the first place. disregard 5. 6. hahaha, haahahahahhahaha 7. ahahahha haAHAHA AAAAARE yOU SURE YOU'RE NOT MAD AT ME 8. ok.

Edited 2017-12-15 04:38 (UTC)

1. it's not.
2. you're not. that was weird, though.
3. the 3 is dead.
4. i'm not a child of thor or a soccer mom, i don't work shit out through violence. also i'd punch through you. super strength.
4.5. guess i have to punch through you.
5. ok.
6. it was a joke.
7. or was it???
8. good. i bet you could glaze stuff with your fire magic.

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