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I know I don't have to... I love you, though. Even if it's just - I come over every night so we can share a bed. Head home during the day so you can get some space. Yeah? Good idea? Bad?

[ the fact that peter's sleep has been worse actually hits kind of hard. is it his fault? for bringing him to the island? fuck. ]

Do you wanna talk about it? About. Sleep. Lorna and the others. Anything.

as long as I’m not like taking you away from luc and leo
I got root beer too to cuddle but like she never wants to be the big spoon

[Attempt at distracting humor, Peter sighs. ]

sleep idk I was always bad at it but it got better for a while
at least with Jean, or you, someone else to make me chill out and get on a routine?
There’s a reason I lived in my moms basement and it was bc I’d always be up
annoying ppl or whatever

And idk
the dad thing sucks

Equal time with them. You at night, them at day. And then if you get lonely at any other time you can just specifically invite me over? Or come over? Just. Just, don't be alone. I wanna be there.

[ ignores the joke. ]

I get it. I didn't sleep at all until I had someone there. It's grounding. So I get it. And it's why I want to be that someone for you. The dad thing must really fucking suck.

it’s...

[That’s right on the marker so far as that grounding feeling goes, and Peter appreciates that Odin gets it. It was always so hard to explain with how it related to his abilities. He didn’t have to stay up ‘til the tiredness hit but he didn’t have to sleep, either. He just chose to sometimes push the limits, that soon becoming routine and then something that stuck. He can’t sleep easily anymore when energy thrums through him, not without another person there to tether him. Make him relax, lulled by a heartbeat and the soft rise and fall of a chest taking breath. Here he hasn’t had that, not nearly enough, and he’s beginning to wonder how he’s going to function again. The stress can’t be helping. Death, disappearances, love and loss.

He quietly takes a minute to compose himself. ]

it’s weird because we weren’t super close.
Getting there, maybe, but 27 years without knowing him made for some distance
But even still it’s like he may come back? or he might not
he could forget like Jean and that complicates things. back home he didn’t even know he was my dad
i never spit it out and i didn’t have to here, but might if he returns?
Idk that wigs me out. and selling and moving his stuff is so morbid
like he died or something

I can help you with his stuff. I'll pack everything up with Wanda and you can just, like, stay at home? If that's what you need. If you're looking into storing everything before next month hits I'll be able to swing a day or two off so I can come help... And. And like, do you want to be here on the island or do you want to bail? We can get another host if you want to spend time with your sister.

[ there's too much here for him to address over text and he hates it. this feels like space all over again, the walls of panic closing in and making odin know that he can't just find peter and tell him he loves him and hold him and just-- fucking-- it was like this with poe, and that's a thought that sits uncomfortably in his stomach. he pushes it away for another time. ]

I know this is kind of a shitty thing to say, but whatever happens next, you're more prepared to deal with it after Jean. Losing Jean was the worst thing that could have happened, but you survived and you're finding your feet again. You're getting better. I don't want this to shake that foundation. You're a survivor? You're just like the people I grew up with who saved the whole fucking world. You can get through anything, especially while I'm here, and I'm not gonna go anywhere. It's just gonna suck. For a while.

I don't want to leave. Which sounds kinda shitty in a way, but... my sister's gonna have her husband there and as much as I'd like to be with her, i'm not sure how much i'd help. it's not like all this needs to happen immediately, too... I told her to just concentrate on her honeymoon or whatever first, that we can work on the rest later

I feel more comfortable here, which is ironic cuz of all the cameras. i had to talk to her on the phone in front of a bunch of them and i ended up hiding out in your room for some privacy (better not have cameras after all,) but idk. you're here, magnus is here. it's stressful but it also gives me something to do. what am i gonna go home to? a bunch of my dad's clothes and my empty apartment, while you're all here?

major flashbacks to not being at the coolest party while everyone else is, that's what that is.

[He pauses, rubbing at his eyes. He's tired. As fuck.]

i'll let you know about the moving stuff. Wanda's gonna just empty it all into storage and we can go through it later, decide what to keep or donate. again, kinda feels like he died and it's weird but i don't think there's much i wanna hold on to? i was more interested in just knowing him. getting to know him.

[He doesn't know how to address the Jean commentary. Almost doesn't:]

thanks. i'm probably gonna chill in your room for a bit, they never think to look for me there and they really want me to do a fitting and i'd rather just eat cornpops. after a point today, things just. are blank. i feel blank.

There's never a shitty way to deal with loss. You're not doing anything wrong. If I can make you feel okay - that's pretty much all I've ever wanted to be to someone? Someone's comfort. Their okay feeling. I'm honoured to help you with this. If I can.

[ he wants to ask - you don't feel like this is a death? - but how can he bring that up? he rubs his eyes, tells debra to go away when she knocks on the door to the bathroom, then takes a moment to think before he responds. ]

Everything I own is yours, dude. Including the bedroom rented out to me by a TV station on a magical fantasy romance island. Only exception is the swords and the dogs. Just... Please keep me in the loop about this? About how you're feeling, and about what you want to do. Because. I want to be here. For you. And I know it's hard. Talking. Sometimes. But. I'm serious when I say I'll drop literally everything to see you. Even when nothing big is going on. You need only call for me and I'll be there... so. Even if all you need right now is cornpops and sleep I'll make sure you get it. Yeah? Is there anything you wanna do for your dad and the others? Like - a wake, maybe.

no, no wakes no... [Eugh]

none of that. just cornpops and pjs and dealing with objects and foundations and houses later. it's not like he's really dead and he could just turn around and come back, so wakes or whatever don't feel right to me... not like this, anyway. wanda - when... when she actually died? it didn't feel right then either. maybe im just not a funeraly guy. maybe i dont deal with this shit right. maybe i just will get high and eat cornpops and that's enough

[Actually, that does sound kind of perfect.]

do what you're doing and i swear to god, do not cut it short for me but
it'd be nice to chill with you later?
ill just hang out here and idk. ignore debra's harpy radio calls

Edited 2018-02-13 05:37 (UTC)

Okay, yeah. You're right. I'm sorry. I didn't get a chance to do anything like that. For my parents. So I just thought-- but, like. You're right? It's not. Death. It's different. Just.

[ augh. idiot. he types and backspaces a dozen different apologies and decides the best thing to do is just swallow this down and move on. rather than dwell and call himself fucking stupid for making such a fucking stupid suggestion. ]

Like I said, there's no wrong way to deal with loss. I'm sure one of the crew has weed on them. Shit, you probably brought some with you to the island, what am I even saying? Just. We can chill. We'll chill. Tonight, if only for a little while, before I have to finish prepping for the deathmatch arena. I think watching your friends plummet into a giant pool of definitely real molten lava might help.

deathmatch sounds kinda sick. can you tell me about it?
later, if you have to. gimme the inside scoop and we can chill in cornpop paradise
til then i just
will chill here

[Peter's already hanging out in Odin's room by now, stripping off layers of business casual and throwing them literally to the dogs. Rooty makes a nest out of his jacket and shirt, curling up atop them on the chaise like a diva. His pants drape over the back of it and he looks around for something to wear after putting his shoes out of the chewing range of all doggos in the room.

While he initially crawls into bed in a onesie, he'll be crawling out of it piece by piece the hotter he gets - emerging from it like a shitty cocoon to just curl up under the sheets with it peeled off to his waist by the time Odin returns.]

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