shadowglitter | PSL || poe/odin

PSL || poe/odin

WAY TO REJECT ME YOU FLIGHTY AIRBORN PIECE OF SHIT! WAY TO FUCK EVERYTHING UP FOR ME AND MY HEART, FOREVER AND EVER, ALWAYS UNTIL FOREVER

HEY YO YOU TOLD ME TO WRITE A LIST SO GUESS WHAT!!!!!! IT'S TIME FOR US TO GET FUNKY AS FUUUUUUCKKKKKKKK

god i am not going to bother formatting this

TO DO LIST:
1. SEXTING FROM BOOT CAMP ringverse AU
2. prince/concubine AU - owain's the prince, poe's a concubine to the king, paranoia and political assassination ensues, etc etc etc etc etc
3. vampire hooker AU?? owain gonna get his gothic goth goth dick wet in that spooky vampire butt
4. HAHA BOOM WE'RE DOING IT I LINKED THE POST DOWN THERE
5. enemies of war AU - owain's a good guy on the bad guy side who almost loses his life trying to save poe even though he's an enemy soldier, poes like What, Shit, Damn, gay shit ensues
6. HNENENGH
7. ANGELS AND DEMONSSSSSSsss
8. 20s AU///?? YES. YES ALRIGHT
9. WW1 AU WHATS Up
10. ?? there was something that was supposed to go here from the kink meme
11. samurai champloo AU what up. chon'sin. Shit
12. bBODYSWAPPpappapp

long-term AU posts:

⚔⛉☆ PLEDGED

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[His mouth goes dry, his heart hammering in his chest, stuttering and threatening to stop at any moment. He shouldn't be doing this. He shouldn't be doing this. But this is just another kind of pain and another kind of punishment and he needs it. Needs to drive the knives in his chest even deeper.]

This wouldn't be so hard if I didn't, Odin.

[His voice is pure gravel and the last words are half a sob.]

I wish I didn't -- I wish I could just-- pretend I didn't care at all --

Fuck, Odin, I'm so sorry, but I do. I'm pretty sure I'm fucking falling in love with you and I can't stop it--

[ He thought-- he thought if he heard that, something would click in place for him, something would stop hurting. He thought he believed this, that he was letting himself believe this, but--

But Odin's a liar. He knows how to lie. It's one of the only things he can do without fucking it up. He knows how to send his voice to hell like that, to hiccup a sob at the end of whatever bullshit he's spouting to really sell what he needs to sell. He's never done it, but he thinks he could tell someone he loved them, if he wanted something from them. A small, bitter part of him wonders if Poe just wants to get fucked and thinks this is the easiest way to go about it.

He wants this so, so fucking much, though. He doesn't care, right now, who gets hurt. Him. Poe. The other guy, whoever he is. He just wants to feel loved by the man he loves so much himself.

He stops questioning this. ]

Okay. Okay.

Okay.

[ Everything other than Odin's need for Poe dies over his next heartbeat. He puts his grief away, locks it down tight, as he wraps one arm around Poe's neck and pulls him in for a deeper kiss. It's mechanical and distant, like he's doing this because he has to, rather than he wants to. It's as sad as it is hungry, so when the practiced way his lips brush against Poe's turns into something heavier, messier, with bites in the wrong place and too much tongue, he doesn't care. He doesn't care to be perfect, because that's not what this is. He thought Poe was perfect for him, once, but he knows now he must have been wrong.

Perfection wouldn't hurt this much. ]

[The half sob that had been in his throat turning into a full one, pathetic and shuddering as he tried to return the kisses and he wanted them- he wanted them so badly- but his eyes were stinging and it was getting harder to breathe normally so he couldn't keep up the kiss. Not when he could feel the difference. Even at the height of 'casual', Odin had never kissed him like this.

He sobbed again, deep and shuddering, fingers threading tightly into Odin's clothes and slumped forward onto him, the dams within him breaking.

He couldn't do this. He couldn't. All he wanted was something he couldn't have and he was ruining one of the best things in his life, for nothing, and he just started to shake, almost completely silently, against Odin as he began to weep.]

[ His heart locks in his chest the god damn motherfucking second Poe's sobs turn into something so much more real. His mind backs up, searching through everything Poe's said since breaking through to the confessional, but it-- it all feels like he's an outsider now, looking in on someone else's memories, like the kisses and the sobs and the I'm falling in love with you and I don't know how to stop was aimed at someone else. He doesn't-- he doesn't get it, he doesn't get this, Poe said he didn't want him, he said it. ]

Don't--

[ Poe's screwing with his head, he's always screwing with his head. It dawns on him, then, very quickly -

Poe's been rejected. The man he rejected Odin for must have... contacted him, or somehing, and told him he didn't want him. He feels his heart shatter like glass as he holds Poe by the waist, pulling him closer, as close as he can. He should be happy, if his assumption is right. It gives him a chance.

He's just heartbroken. ]

I can't-- see you cry. I want-- to protect you, and keep you safe, and to make you happy. That's all I want. I don't want you to cry because of him.

[He doesn't cry often.

Mostly because he doesn't have time.

It's not that he has any strange bravado about crying. In front of his enemies, sure. You never let them see you cry. But by himself? Or with someone he cared about? He wasn't going to pretend that he didn't feel things. He just usually lived too fast and too hard to think long enough to stop. But now that the dam had broken it didn't seem to stop.

Five months of repressing himself - no - years - Earth was just the newest segment, the war a far easier way to neglect himself than this strange pseudo-peace was. But it didn't work. This place was a temporary ghost of a feeling, not anything solid, and even if he knows - even if he knows, somewhere in him, that his feelings for Finn aren't just from here, it doesn't matter. Even if he somehow wore him down and brought Finn around, it would be just for here. But the man hasn't spoken to him in days, the inherent rejection louder than any spoken one, and it wasn't as if they had a promise, or anything like it, in the first place, but even wanting Odin like this feels like betrayal. Like Treason.

But he does want him and he hates himself for it because he should be better than this, even though it's not for anything.

Saving himself for something that he knows will never happen. Pushing away something incredibly important and real. For some fucked up idealised dream he won't see.

He's getting angry with himself, now, but he can't stop sobbing, gripping at Odin like a life-line as he burrowed his face in his chest.]

[ Odin understands heartache all too well.

He was there, when his mother died. There when his father died, as well. There when he saw villagers lose their homes and their lives after begging him to save them. There when he burned the houses of other innocent people, in a country so far from home, under the guidance of a mad king. He's done terrible things, under the orders of people so much smarter and more selfish than him. So much of him has died, over the years.

He embraced his vulnerability, the softness he had, to keep the best parts of him alive. The alternative was becoming numb.

As he sits there with arms shaking and eyes painfully, painfully wet, with the man he loves breaking in his arms - breaking over someone else, someone he actually loves, in a real way, a real fucking way, a way that isn't a lie like the one he started to tell Odin -

He wishes he were numb. ]

Don't...

[ As he shuts his eyes as tight as he can, willing all these thoughts and sounds out of his head and wrapping his arms so, so fucking tight around Poe, he wants to run away. He doesn't want this, for Poe to act like he needs him. Not when he knows it's - not real, none of it's real. There is no fucking part of Poe that wants Odin, and he's sure of that, never been surer than he is right now, because this is fucking callous. Odin's alternating between wanting to believe in everything Poe's said to him and being so, so utterly, incomprehensibly convinced that this is only-- heartache, this his heartbreak, because Finn turned him down the way Poe turned Odin down-- and he's just using Odin because he knows Odin will fucking care, will fucking want him.

He's a distraction. He shouldn't complain - that's all he's ever been to anyone, anyway. ]

Come on, you don't--

[ His heart breaks a little more. He runs his hands through Poe's hair, gingerly, stroking his head, trying to keep him calm. ]

You don't-- you don't know. What the future might bring. Are you crying because-- because he said... he doesn't... want... you? That-- that could change, man. He'll fall in love with you. There's--

[ he swalows, dry mouthed, and fuck, when did he start crying? ]

There's so much goodness in you. So much. I fell in love with you-- the moment you first laughed with me, I think. It's just who you are. Intrinsically lovable, intrinsically perfect. He'll figure that out. I think.

That's not-- [The words were less actual words and more of a broken sob, but it was pulling him out of his own self pity, a little. Mostly because Odin was breaking his heart all over again. He pushed himself back out of the embrace but his fingers were still well locked into Odin's clothes.]

I can't. I can't, Odin, that's --

[It was incredibly hard to stop crying and he was trying but the effort made his whole body shake.]

You don't-- I'm anything but perfect, and I can't- I don't deserve either of you, but that doesn't stop me from wanting--

[He had finally managed to bring the sobs under control, for the most part, though his breathing was still far too hard and strained and his eyes were still swimming in tears. Force, he was pathetic.]

How can I-- possibly justify-- when I feel like this for you--

[ Ah, fuck, he hates this, he hates this, he hates seing Poe cry. His throat feels like it's on fire and he's trying to hold it together, he's trying, but this just keeps getting worse and worse and worse and his stomach feels like lead. ]

You don't - mean any of that. About - falling for me. I promise. You're just - in mourning. You don't love me. Okay? You just want - him. You told me. Remember? It was wrong of me - to make you say that. I'm sorry.

[ The words are like knives, coming out of him, slicing his throat as he says them. He's making himself relive this, the worst moment of his life, but it's-- what he has to do, he thinks, to keep Poe in touch with what he's really feeling. He keeps getting so, so close to reading into this and just taking what Poe is telling him at face value, and he can't. It'll break him and he won't be able to put himself together again. ]

You deserve-- the world. The sun, the stars, the moon. I wish I could give it to you. I would-- drain my body of blood, turn my bones to dust, let the light fade from my eyes, if I could give you even a second more of happiness. But I'm not...

[ his voice cracks under the pressure of saying all of this when he's trying so, so hard not to fall apart. ]

... who you want. Okay? He is. You deserve-- all of it. From-- him.

Even if I... Even if he doesn't hate me, now, I...

[The sobbing was done, at least, though it left his voice rough and quiet and dry.]

It's not fair to him, either. I would just end up thinking about you.

I don't deserve either of you.

[ Odin is - silent, impassive. Even despite all of this, he's just - happy, on some level, that Poe's crying a little less. But he hurts, deep in his chest, an ache that hits him from so many different directions. He rests his hands on the side of Poe's neck and angles him to meet his eyeline. ]

I don't...

[ deep breath. ]

I don't want you-- to ever think. That you don't deserve me. There is nothing you could do that would make me want you any less. The warmth you give me, and-- and the ambition-- to be a better man-- it's-- it's all I've ever needed, from the person that I-- that I'd always hoped to fall in love with. Like I have with you.

[ he's falling apart, and he has to stop, because even if he doesn't-- understand, all of this, he understands that poe needs-- something, from him. ]

I am always going to love you. I think. I know it's-- soon, and a lot, and that you don't need to hear that, but I can't imagine ever feeling this happy with anyone else. I don't-- think I can share you, but-- but I'd try. If it would ease something in you. And if it would let me know even more of you.

[Poe shook his head- at first lightly, disbelievingly, but the with increasing firmness. His hand gripped Odin's forearms, effectively keeping them locked onto him. Steadying. But he was still shaking his head.]

That's not-- you don't know, Odin, you're young, I'm not--

I couldn't do I. I can't. [He sagged forward like a sack of potatoes.]

Can you just... Hate me, instead...it'd be better for you in the long run...

[ He's not sure what he feels, when he's turned down. This rejection doesn't hurt as much as the last one did - but it breaks something in him, nevertheless. He lowers his eyes to the ground, and he's... sad. Just sad. Not crying. Not screaming. Just - sad. ]

I just want to be with you...

[ He's said it a thousand times, by now, and he knows the words have lost all impact. But it's all he wants. He's resigned, now, to never getting Poe - not fully, not completely - but he just... ]

I just want to be with you.

I CANT DO IT

I CAAANT THIS THREAD it's too ooc for Poe he would never want to hurt Odin like this I fanntbsjejflsjs

Let's just

Go with the affair thread instead

AND THEN POE AND ODIN KISSED AND EVERYONE WAS HAPPY SOMEHOW AND IT ALL WORKED OUT FOREVER

THE END

POE JUSt

ACTUALLY IVE CHANGED MY MIND LETS NEVER LEAVE SPACE AND JUST BE HAPPY FOREVER EVERYTHING IS FINE

THE END

AND THEN THEY ALL GOT X-WINGS AND X-BOXES TOO

AND DAUGHTERS

SOBBING

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

PSL || poe/odin

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject