shadowglitter | ic contact

[ -- worrying? their conversations don't usually start with "uh". odin sits up a little straighter and holds his phone close. ]

Hey?
Budddddddddddddddddddy.

sup.
rooty & me are chillin at the park, up on a hill that isn't swamped
but

[That's not the point, Peeeeter.]

i found something out today

About... Rooty?

[ no, wait, probably not. peter deflects sometimes, establishes distractions. odin recalibrates, tries to be direct. ]

Wait, okay, ignore that.
Was it a good thing or a bad thing? Or a neither thing. Or an I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing so I'm talking to my best guy about it so I know if it was a good thing or a bad thing kind of thing? Or an I don't know if this thing is a good thing disguised as a bad thing or vice versa kind of thing.

definitely the latter.
it's sort of a "I got blindsided by something and took it pretty well 'til I was alone and now it's kinda eating me from the inside out and I need to talk to the only person I trust to tell me to suck it up or help me cope" kinda feel.

the version of me that danger knows has a daughter.

Oh.

[ ... ]

Oh.

[ .............,.,.,.,.,...,,..,.,.,,,,,., ]

How are you feeling?

[ Wait, wait, wait, wait, stupid question. "It's kinda eating me", that's-- that's how he's feeling. This is-- this is selfish, this is selfish, and Odin's never been selfish like this, not with Peter, but his heart seizes up and he's clouded by panic, running his thumb over the ring on his finger. What does this mean for... them? He needs a second. ]

I mean - that's great? Right? Family's the most important thing there is in this world. In any world. Right?

i don't know

[How he's feeling or if this is great or not.]

pietro isn't me, so it's not like my future
but it is a version of a future for me? which is weird.
knowing that it's possible. that it happens. at least in one world.

Yeah.

[ he can get that. the morgan he grew up with back home isn't the morgan he knows is out there in another timeline - futures change, tides shift. odin doesn't know how to handle this.

even through everything, the alternate worlds, the disconnected timelines, the parallel universes, the incredible distance their homes have to each other, the repeating imports, the forgotten memories those people had, there was always a small part of odin that hoped he and peter were - destined to be together. this means they're not. maybe. ]

Family is important, like I said. It's this brilliant, hopeful light when everything is full of darkness.
I'm sure whoever your daughter is, she loves you very much. I think you'd make an amazing father. This isn't the first time I've thought that? You'd be such a great dad.
Would you want to meet her? Or.
Is that weird? Because of the - possible future not necessarily being your possible future. Thing.

Edited 2018-08-16 00:33 (UTC)

family's good. it's not everything, though?
like, believe me. I love my sisters and my mother. they're family, blood and all that
but I grew up without my dad? and I'm still on the fence about how I feel towards him still. he's blood too, but he was never there. I grew up without that figure in my life and I kinda made a conscious decision to never do that to any family i ended up having. I swore I'd just...

but uh
turns out I inherited shitty dad syndrome in at least 1 known universe.

[ this is a sensitive topic for both of them, he already knows that. they both had very, very different relationships with their fathers that greatly coloured how they handled things in life, and odin's not sure if he should - apologize, or something, for saying what he's said so far. he feels like he should, if only because there's still that panicked, selfish flutter in his chest that keeps making him want to ask if this impacts their relationship at all. but it's unfair. he's being unfair.

this is unfair. ]

I understand.

What do you mean, though? You don't have a good relationship with... this girl? Or...

Luna. Her name's Luna.

and it was described as "strained". I - Pietro? Apparently was married but it was annulled. which is kind of another lowkey failure by the sounds of things. I guess I'm kinda too idealistic bc I figured if I got married, it'd be... a thing. A forever thing. Or at least decently divorced, not just... saying it... didn't matter. Shouldn't have happened.

what kinda guy can do that? Is that weird? am I overreacting?

this isn't even me. but it's a VERSION of me. and that scares me. I couldn't ever look back on the time I spent with you and try to erase it. I can't even imagine not being with you, because... I love you? And it scares me to think that maybe I loved someone and lost that love entirely. And I let my kid suffer because of it.

Edited 2018-08-16 03:41 (UTC)

I don't think you're overreacting. I know we're not - that, but we gave each other rings, and, like. I can't imagine you ever doing something like that to me. I wouldn't be with you if I thought you were capable of doing something like that.

[ ... ]

That being said,
You would be doing yourself a disservice if you thought through this entirely in black and white.
Maybe there's a reason you had to annul your marriage, maybe it was for the best. Maybe it was the only way. Maybe Luna's mom was the one who made that decision and you went along with it for her sake.
It just. Sounds like a lot happened that you don't know about. Can't know about.

[ "luna's mom". this is hard. ]

we're kinda that. aren't we? basically. it makes me sick to think I could quit on it, so it's pretty much that. i feel physically sick over a version of me's fucked up life, too. i don't know. fuck, i don't know.

[There's a small delay in texts; Peter's head in his his hands.]

you're right though. but still.
she doesn't live with
me? him. pietro.
I don't want to be my dad
not like that.

Are we? I mean -
I'd like to say we are, but I don't... want to push that on you. I know it's kind of a sore spot. In a lot of ways.
And I know it's kind of scary to make a commitment that big, given how transient things can be here?
I've pledged my love and my life to you and I'll stand by that no matter what form that takes. Whether I'm something recognized like that or your... person.

[ delay. ]

I don't know.
He's not you, in the end.
Maybe he doesn't feel as strongly about holding his family together like you will with yours.
There might be a version of me out there who never lost his dad during the war - the ripples that flowed from that divergence would make me an entirely different person. Less caring, less protective. Less heroic, if I can say that about myself? Every loss and every gain makes us who we are, and he's. He's.
He doesn't even have your name. I don't know.

Not that I'm saying - she's not your daughter, if that's how you're viewing her. I don't want to, like, be like, hark! Odin Dark's trembling hand gently veers the boat of Peter's feelings off course, sending it down the smoother prong of this river's conversative fork! Or whatever. Conversational fork? The fork of talking.
I'm saying I don't want to just make you put this out of your mind so we don't have to talk about it anymore.
Just.
Yeah.

This is kind of hard. I don't really know if I'm saying anything right or helping at all.

it's not pushing. I kinda thought about it and maybe that's a talk we should have later? I don't need anything more than what we've got and you already give me everything I could ask for, I just hope I give you the same dedication? That's what I mean. Like. I - this is what I always wanted? To think that maybe, despite my intentions in a world where I thought I had something like this, shit hit the fan and went sour and I failed. And I don't want that? I'm so... happy here, man.

[Maybe he's starting to worry about going home, forgetting this joy and falling into a void like this.]

what would you do if you found out just
randomly
that you had a kid?
some version of you has a kid?

Edited 2018-08-16 04:20 (UTC)

I just don't want you to feel pressured into... I don't know. Feeling like you need to give more. Do more. Be more. Not even pressured by me, necessarily, but by the fear that this could end.
I never know how to explain this - people always say that being ported out is different to death. Worse, somehow.
But it's not? It's not. It's the same as war. I tried to tell that to Poe over and over again, but he never got it.
One day you're here, the next you're not. Be it porting out or death, it's an end to someone. The someone you know. One way or another.
People act like death is cleaner but in war it really isn't? Someone you love could be separated from you in the heat of battle and you'll never know if they were taken by the Risen or hurt and kidnapped and tortured by enemy forces or if they're hiding away somewhere hoping for rescue. Nine times out of ten you have to just treat them like they're gone so you can keep moving and focus on surviving with the rest of your army.
It's. Just.

Things can end. At any time. This. Us. Your marriage back home, carved from another life.
It sucks. But you can't let the fear of being ported out, or the fear of having a relationship end on its own terms, or the fear of falling down the stairs and breaking your neck, screw with the life you want to lead while you're here and alive and in love.
Just. Be yourself? Do what you want, be what you want. Take charge of what you can take charge of and don't focus on the unknown.
Be in love with me however you want to be in love with me. Without factoring in... all of this.
Be a good dad, one day, without fearing you're destined to screw things up.

[ ... ]

I'd probably work myself up and go on a tangent about death, I guess.

[Peter's response? Ring ring, ring ring.]

[ ... cautiously picks up. he doesn't even say anything, just - nervously keeps the phone by his ear once he answers. t hi si s scary do nt do thi s ]

[The line's quiet for a beat, until Peter's pretty confident that Odin's there and listening. He's taken a moment to stretch out over the grass, feeling his jeans still sticking to his legs; Rooty's enjoying the drier hill and running around next to her beached boogie board. The sky's at least clear and open, sun warming his skin as he lays there thinking about how it's time to go home.]

I love you, Owain.

[Maybe he'll lay here a little longer, soggy and barely drying, just to let the shit in his head rattle around until it settles. But he already feels calmer, because he's happy to say he has a really considerate partner in his life. Who he yearns to go home and see, who brings a soft smile to his lips.]

[ Odin doesn't even get the time to breathe a sigh of relief when he realizes Peter isn't calling him to say anything bad - his lungs go empty and a smile pulls at his lips, and instantly, instantly, he feels himself getting misty. ]

Pfft. Pfssh. That's... you didn't-- you don't have to...

[ You don't have to say that. He trails off, a lump in his throat, that kind of hot swell of emotion that shows up right when you're trying not to cry. Odin laughs, a little shy and a little weak, nervous and excited like it's the first time Peter's ever said it. Like they're going on their first date again, like they're out under the stars for the second time. ]

I love you, too. You can't just say that. You know how easily I cry over this kind of thing.

[And this is precisely why he felt the need to call. Typing and texting and meeting up with people in person has always been easier, with phone calls there's always silence and the absence of visual cues. He hates calls when he doesn't need to make them but this one needed to be made. He feels the same soft relief, hearing Odin's voice ground him again and he closes his eyes with a smile still on his face.]

I am soooo in love with you?

[He laughs gently; grinning as he lolls his head to the side and snaps his fingers to get Rooty's attention. He sits forward, arms on his knees as he looks around and decides what to do next. He thinks he has a plan. He was going to get candles anyway, why not make a dinner out of it. Something for the two of them in that warm apartment, to get their minds off the power loss and the flooded streets. The random kids.]

Thank you? For - I don't know. Being my anchor. I'm gonna come home now, but I just. I wanted to just say that.

[ Odin laughs too, a touch goofier and just a bit louder than Peter. He's embarrassed in a good way, losing volume control in the overwhelming, reassuring flood that things are still okay between them, and he lets the feeling warm his bones for a while before anxiety creeps in again just enough to pull him back. He's still happy, still on the trail end of his giggling, but he's... something close to worried. ]

Well... I'm glad you did. I love you? I love you. My moon, my stars. My mold-eating burrito-sucking toucan-boy. I love youuu.

[ He's got too much energy and needs to move, so he's up on his feet, pacing around the apartment while he taps a rhythm on his arm. Smiling too much to talk, right away, despite the anxious jolt in his stomach. ]

Don't have to say thank you. Just come home. We'll talk more about... all this stuff, if you want, or - we can go out and do something special, if you wanna keep your mind off of it. Or watch TV with the dogs? Or... anything.

Okay. I'll - I just wanna grab a few things, and Rooty and I'll be on our way. Don't make any plans for tonight that don't involve me and only me.

[Because he has plans that he'll now start putting into action; involves getting home first after a quick shop hop and a drag of a pomeranian behind him. He doesn't hang up though, not yet, working his way down the hill with Rooty at his heels. She hops onto the board as he gets back into the water, making a disgusted noise at the cold shock of it again.]

Prepare for that how you will. I'll be home in twenty.

Oh, shit.

[ That sounds-- exciting? There's another flutter in his chest and, another laugh that creeps out of him. He loves when Peter takes charge and he feels like that's what's happening now, and the excitement of whatever surprise might be coming is already sort of overwhelming. Bouncing on his toes, Odin nods a few times before remembering Peter can't see him. ]

Um, okay. I'll - okay. Okay. See you? See you. I love you. Again. B... bye.

[ He hangs up, sparing half a minute to look down at his phone and just melt in the afterglow of the call. It's hard not to feel... shaken, still, by everything, but the foundations of their relationship are strong enough that he's not seriously concerned after hearing Peter's voice. He spends the next twenty minutes focused entirely on clothes, picking out what he wants to wear and going with a remix of a certain classic, and given that they lack wine, he pours two champagne glasses of faygo and sets them on the table by the TV.

He drops into the couch and waits, nervously bouncing his foot. Fucking aced it. ]

[Peter gets a quick 'bye' out before the call's over and he's back on track, putting his mind to better use than dwelling on a life that's not his own - nevermind something he can change. He wades back through the water, heading to shops a few blocks over that are still operating; grabbing a few things and hoisting them home. He takes a little longer than he expected, waterlogged and dripping when he makes it through the front door but Rootbeer, dry as a bone, runs in first.

He, on the otherhand, whisks by in a breeze and the faintest few drops of water on the floor as he bounds for the bathroom after dropping things off. A precooked chicken dinner, some candles that are lit with another swoosh of passing silver, and a few other smaller things that sit in a paper bag by the couch. His voice carries out from the bathroom, head peeking out to look at Odin from across the apartment.]

Literally give me three minutes and I'll be right there, okay? Love the vintage, by the way. Terrific choice.

[His champagne glass is empty. Refill?]

[ Peter busts through the door and all of Odin's attempts to look chill and relaxed on the couch are immediately taken from him. He stands up, excited to welcome him home and immediately gets distracted by the pitter patter of tiny paws as Rooty bounds over to say hello first. He picks her up and kisses her nose, watching Peter blur around the room and set up their date. Ah, fuck. Odin's heart feels so full it's starting to hurt. ]

Three minutes. That'd be super generous of me? You can move, like, faster than light. You could finish anything you needed to do in less than three min-- wait, does bathroom stuff speed up too? Why have I never asked you that?

[ You know what? Not tone appropriate. Odin waves away the question and sets Rooty back down so she can go and have a nice drink, filling up Peter's glass again to the sound of theiR rEAL dUAgHtER lapping at her bowl. He drops back onto the cushion and crosses his legs, playing with the vinyl fabric of his pants as it squeaks around his knees. Maybe they should be sitting at a table, or something, but peeking into the bag, Odin remembers that they never really do that. ]

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