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It's... complicated.

[That's a lie, it's not. Peter needs another second, fumbling through text.]

Yes? I guess. No, as well. I mean.
No, I'd always sort of figure that there are better people than me out there. People like Charles who have a lot more experience leading, people like Jean who just are born leaders. I'm neither. I've just lived my life kinda sitting back and letting life happen to me, and that only recently changed and I still don't know how that happened.

But then on the other hand, yes? I kind do wanna... inspire someone. There was a mutant back home who in the 70s, stood up to my dad. She risked her life to save the life of the President, who he was trying to kill. She could make herself look like other people, and wore the President's face, and offered herself up to my dad on live TV. She kicked his ass, but not before the world saw this mutant... do something, to protect humanity. To keep the peace.

A lot of us young mutants look up to her for that, and I kinda... wish that one day maybe I'd have some kinda impact like that on someone else? But that feels so... different. Is it?

[ Part of why Odin gravitated to Peter so strongly was because they shared this - underlying feeling of not being enough. They were both always two sides of the same coin; brilliant and accomplished and heroic but standing in shoes that felt too big for them. Peter's beautiful and kind and smart but Odin's always known he feels overshadowed by the men and women in his life who stood tall, stood complete, and who earned their status and their names through the choices they made rather than just the fates they were born with. Peter's power and Odin's heritage give them an advantage, but it's-- different, when no matter who they are, they're still just standing on the shoulders of giants.

But for Odin, a positive part of their relationship - maybe the biggest part - has been the self-confidence he's found in himself the more these months went on. Peter made him feel worthy of his name and proud of the things he's done in a way that he struggled with despite everything he's lived through, and he wants to make Peter feel that same sense of security and worth. He hopes he has. He hopes he can. ]

Maybe. My dad risked his life every day and finally gave it up to save me - Lucina's been a natural leader since the first time I laid eyes on her, and her father was always the same. I've tried to lead people and I've tried to protect the people I care about but it's always... it doesn't feel the same? When I stood behind my dad I felt like he could do anything, and when Lucina was by my side back home, it always felt like someone was taking care of me. Shielded. I don't think I can make people feel like that? Protected, to that degree. If I said "stand behind me, I'll keep you safe!", people would think, oh, great, we're in the hands of this guy. So i get... it. But.

But I don't think that means I'm incapable of protecting people. I might be an idiot, and I might suck at reading the room or taking the right tone sometimes, but I think I'm capable of throwing myself into something and seeing it through, and maybe that's all I need to be... some kind of guardian. Right? And it's, like, the same for leadership. You might not have all the gravitas of your dad or Fake President Lady, but you're...
Actually, you're a lot like my mom? Don't start psychoanalyzing our relationship, but.
She was always at the forefront of the war trying to keep everyone's morale up... she exhausted herself keeping everyone going. She was funny and warm and happy and it made everybody keep their spirits up. Made everybody remember what they were fighting for. You're kind of like that? A light in the darkness. The moon.

Besides, you inspire me every day. I know I don't really count, 'cause I'm in love with you, or whatever, but I'd be so depressed if I didn't have you in my life. You make me want to do what's right, you make me want to be better. No ordinary man could pull me from the ennui of my collapsing soul and revitalize my spark of phantasmagoric mortality like you have.

so i'm like your mom, huh

thanks for - the support. (seriously. I was/ am kinda still wigging out but this helps.) I'm not sure what I'd do if I didn't have you and other people behind me right now. sure as hell wouldn't be here trying this, that much I know.

also: you make me feel safe.

You're like my mom in a way that's sweet for me to say and not weird or creepy or weird at all? You're like my mom, but in a hot way.
You're like a sexy version of my mom.

Wait, that's not good.
Hold on.

"You're like my mom" is a sentiment cloaked in sensitivity and affection. We started as brothers. It only makes sense that as our relationship progresses, so, too, do the weird things we say.
That's

I nailed it.

Anyway.
Pfft.
Shut up?
You make me feel safe.
You don't need to thank me for support. You support me, too. You're the bones that I stand on.

I'm saying a lot of creepy things today.

Please don't stand on my boner, though? Please.

You're the bones that I stand on and the bone that I sit... on...

So.

I love you.

wanna go get taco bell?

I kind of don't like that we might be ending the conversation before you laugh at my joke or talk about how sweet I am?

i kind of like that it is ending like this bc im hungry

Edited 2018-09-22 02:27 (UTC)

I'm hungry for validation? My stomach screams with the rusty ache of a thousand empty caverns, each begging to feed on the spelunkers that get trapped within their maw.

Or somet hi ng.
Let's get food.

wanna do something stupid instead
and by stupid i still mean in relation to food
but like

wanna go to some stupid
expensive place
on a date

That sounds so stupid?

Do you wanna wear stupid suits and like, stay here for 30 minutes while I run down to Heropa and get you a stupid bouquet of stupid roses?

I know right

only if you wanna wear cologne and ties that coordinate w/ each other.

I want that? Wait.

Wait?
Can I suggest something, like.
Genuinely stupid?
Like, actually stupid. Not pretend stupid.

not the tailored suit for rooty thing again right

That isn't stupid. I would never call that stupid.

Do you remember our first kiss?

Christmas or V-Day

Christmas.

I was thinking.

We.
Could.

See if my old place in Nonah has anyone living in it and if it doesn't we could climb up to my old bedroom window and break in and feel like we're back at the start of our relationship again? Before it even really started?
Also:
Can I say something that isn't stupid so I don't actually need your permission to say it and I'm saying it right now?
It's nearly Halloween. I've known you for basically a year at this point.
You should throw another party. And do another costume contest.
But rig it for me to win this time.
Last year I didn't even get a vote. AND I
WAS
NAKED.

truth be told i don't remember MUCH of christmas but I'm all for b&e. I do kinda remember your room. I might've puked in the closet? Had some dreams that were kinda raunchy too, now that I'm thinking back on it. let's?? do that? I'm down. Let's fucking do it.

also: d'you think people'd wanna come for it? I could. I like the idea of being known for big bashes...

I wonder if they fixed everything. I blew that place up so bad.
I fucked up the window on my first day. And the walls.
So.
I don't think vomit would really... do much... comparative... ly.

[ kinda nervous about going back in case the police are conducting a sting operation there just waiting for him to show up, but. ]

Was I in any of your dreams?
Wait, don't answer that. I'll get jealous if you say it was about someone else.
I guess it's hard to say if people would come or not. We're kind of old and a lot of people we knew are gone. But.
But.

But.
Matching couples costume. Matching outfits for the dogs.

even if nobody comes, we can still throw a party. Or put out buckets of money like you did that one time, before it kinda almost bankrupted you. I don't really have a place like I did before but - should we use our apartment? It's pretty big. But people might touch our stuff.

I'm all in for costumes.

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