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[ Poe didn't say anything for a minute, frowning to himself. Was that what he was doing? ]

I don't think I... I don't think that's what I meant. I'm -- no, I don't think that's right.

[ But he was finding it difficult to explain otherwise. ] I'm not- it's not a sacrifice. I want to. I want to be there. But I can't just- its not like I fall for everyone, Odin, and having to give him up just because I don't work how I'm supposed to sounds like way more of a stupid sacrifice. I can at least try to be the man I need to be.

[ He sighed. ]

I'm not making any sense.

But there's no... "supposed to" with this? You're the only person who thinks you need to be someone else. You're not thinking this through, you've just... reacted to all the heartache you've seen and been through with your gut. You've entrenched yourself in this idea that you need to fix yourself because you've been thinking like that for so long.

[ which he can relate to! he can relate to that really well! that's what owain was like during the entire war. owain sighs, reaching his hand out to lightly punch poe on the thigh. ]

Listen...

[ how can he explain how stupid poe's being. he hesitates, then asks another rough question. help him out here, truth-power. ]

Would you have been with both me and Finn, if he'd let you?

[ Ho boy. ]

... Probably. But you wouldn't have been happy. Neither would he.

[ He honestly wasn't sure how happy Finn had been in the end, anyway. He still deeply regretted their fight - a whole week of their time together, lost. He'd had nine months to turn it over so many times as to twist it out of all recognition. ]

You're definitely happier where you are. And he wanted something solid and stable and his. Hence all the - all the damn trees.

[ He looks at Poe a little sceptically, because "probably" isn't the most damning confirmation, and he didn't ask about whether or not it would have worked, just whether or not he would have. He takes a second, then very carefully phrases what he wants to say next. ]

Finn wanted something for himself. I wanted to have a love like my parents'. It wouldn't have worked, I agree with that, but. In an ideal situation where Finn wasn't after... something just for him, and I wasn't so hung up on this romanticized image I was trying to recreate with you, and you'd had us both... then...

[ Cccccccccarefully works hard on phrasing this question. Again. He's still leading to something. ]

"All in" as a phrase is kind of unfair, I think? If you had been with both of us, you would have loved us with everything you had. You would have been all in, like Finn wanted, but you would have been all in for both of us. Right?

Well, yeah. [ His brows furrowed, trying to understand. ]

I think.

But it's - time and priority, right? If your loyalty is split, where does your priority go?

[ This is all pretty academic to him, because the idea of being with two people at once is still kind of abhorrent to him, so he's not sure if this is how it works for Poe, but... he sits up, making eye contact. ]

Why would you have to prioritize...? That's kind of juvenile. It's not like you prioritize your friends. "This guy's my best friend, you're my second best friend, you're my third best friend...", people don't do that. They just... have friends. So in the hypothetical situation where you dated me and Finn, you would have... boyfriends.

[ Right. Right? Right. Does that make sense? That makes sense to Owain. Academically. ]

Look, I just think - you always beat yourself up over having to choose who to be with, and then you end up getting hurt, and then you end up getting other people hurt, because you lead them on to the point where inevitably rejecting them is just sweeping the rug out from under their feet when they thought you guys had something. [ a pause. ] Or, okay, maybe that was just an isolated incident, but.

[ dot dot dot. ]

It doesn't make sense that you want to give the people you love the things they deserve, but you think making two people happy instead of one person happy makes you a monster? I feel like if you just breached the conversation about trying to keep things open, you'd feel a lot less fatalistically doomed to shatter a guy's soul every time you had a crush.

"Hey, I like you, but I like this other guy too - is that a dealbreaker for you? No? What? You're open to trying the relationship and seeing how it goes? Wait - you're more than open to it? You feel the same way about love that I do? You want us to all date each other? Oh! A threesome? Right now? While I'm still in my air force uniform with the cool aviator shades that my friend Owain always thought looked good on me?! Wow, this worked out even better than I imagined!" Boom! Heartbreak solved.

[ Poe gave Owain a faintly helpless, amused look. ]

People do have to choose priorities, though. Sometimes your whole squad is in a fire fight. You can't save all of them. That's just how some things are.

[ He's not going to totally beleaguer the point, though. It's not something he thinks that Owain would know the answer to, anyway.

He looks even more bemused as Owain continues. ]

Great hypothetical, completely unlikely in practice.

They're - I can barely get them in a room together, Owain. They died within days of each other on the opposite side of a war. Like I said. Complicated.

[ Slooooowly arches his eyebrow. ]

Said the guy who flew a plane into a nuke sixty times in a blindly eager attempt to save everyone. Said the guy who keeps befriending enemies to his side of the war because he values people more than directives. Said the guy who would break his leg jumping from this very roof top if someone on the ground screamed out for help.

[ Eat shit, not buying it. ]

Look, maybe it won't work out now, and maybe this'll be too much for Bodhi in particular - but you haven't exactly been doing a stellar job maintaining your relationships so far, and I really think a part of it is because you've been hating yourself for not being the way you want to be and struggling to meet expectations that are in your own head. Maybe you need to be honest with what you want. Maybe that's why your power keeps acting up on its own.

[ Owain was absolutely right in calling him out, and Poe sort of raised his hands in a 'okay, okay, I concede' gesture before folding them back in his lap. Yeah, he deserved that. It didn't mean it wasn't something that he didn't worry about, though. He didn't like being made to chose between people he cared about, in any situation. But maybe that was Owain's point.

As the other man continued, Poe sighed and raised a hand to scrub through his hair. ]

... Yeah. Maybe. I just think it's a lot to dump on a guy who literally is only just starting to figure out how any of it works at all, you know? I don't think patience is a bad thing.

Maybe? But - intimidating him a little might not be a bad thing. He's a veteran - they don't scare easy. And... it's probably better for you to start this relationship with him on an open and honest foot instead of on the slightly tortured and depressing one you're delicately balancing on now.

[ Plus - again - Bodhi's feelings should be taken into account here, too. Can't pretend like he's not a part of this. ]

All I'm trying to say is that you need to start taking yourself a little more seriously. Give real thought to what you want and be honest about it, to yourself and to everyone else. Make healthy decisions. Do things that benefit you and the people you love entirely, instead of just in part. Stop making sacrifices before you know you have to. Otherwise, you're gonna keep hurting people.

[ "People" includes Poe himself, but Owain kind of figures if he says "you're hurting yourself by doing this", Poe'll say that that's okay and double down without listening. So. Can't say that!!!! ]

... Are you annoyed with me for giving you so much unsolicited advice, yet?

[ Poe sighed, staring off into the distance. It sounded like a good point, and he could find a reason to argue it, but at the same time he had a feeling that Odin was making it sound a hell of a lot easier than it was.

Either way, at the last question he turned his head and arched an eyebrow at him. ]

I literally messaged you for advice, Owain. That doesn't count as unsolicited.

[ He frowned, looking back out do the city line. ]

And I'm not annoyed. I appreciate it more than you know. Don't know if that means that I really have any idea to do with all of it, but. I appreciate it.

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