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[shadowglitter]

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[shadowglitter]

Congratulations on having a leg that's slightly less rickety and precarious than your brain, hopefully.

Glitter makes everything better so it's kind of a cheap answer.
That's like saying "Hey, you know what would make this casserole better? IF MY DICK WERE MADE OF SOLID GOLD."
Like, yes. Nobody's questioning it. It is a constant situation improvifier.
But you're totally right about that and the bubbles.

I kind of got a brilliant idea just now?
Are you sitting down?

[quickfingers]

No but hit me with it, if I fall - I fall

[shadowglitter]

We fill each condom balloon with something different. Hot sauce. Shaving cream. Paint. Dye. Regular water. Glitter. Urine? Semen. Blood. Etcetera.

We split the balloons down the middle, giving each other an equal amount. Mystery balloons. We're incapable of knowing what's in them until they burst.

And then



we fight.

[quickfingers]

While this does seem enticing and I do love the chaos of it all what if we instigate a team fight against Magnus instead, where we rig him to have water condoms and we get to throw nasty condoms at him without the risk of getting urine, semen and blood flung at us?

It's cheating but I'm not above that.

[shadowglitter]

That is such a good idea.
That is so much more of a good idea than the stupid bad and terrible idea I just had.
Is there anything he doesn't like? Like spiders or bees or something.
Not, like, wolves, 'cause I know that's a big thing,
But little, friendly little acts of terrorism could go a long way towards making this fight a memorable evening.

[quickfingers]

He likes bees, the odd duck that he is.
We have to keep in mind that Alex can and will kill us so it has to be in the middle range. We could just drown him in puppies or kittens too because I feel like he'd cry at the cuteness but that's not furthering our plans of destruction.

What if we cover his treehouse in those ugly gnomes

[shadowglitter]

That could work really well?
Because Magnus would hate them but Alex, by dating him, has shown that she has an affinity for ugly gnomes.
So she wouldn't be mad, and therefore, we would avoid our own destruction.

Let's paint the gnomes to look like Magnus just to really get that security net in place, though.

[quickfingers]

Okay so we gotta find like two hundred gnomes and surround his house with them while he sleeps. He can awake to a hundred beady little gnome eyes watching his home. We can make them wear plaid and be blond, it works right?

[shadowglitter]

Wait

What if we sneak into his house and put them everywhere in secret places instead so he just finds them

[quickfingers]

Man, the options are a hard divide.

On one hand, the visible gnomes are immediate responses. We'll know he found them when he sighs and texts us. Or screams audibly at their intrusion.

However, the other option? Stealth. It'll stretch on, giving us satisfaction for days. Months. Years. Decades? He'll never know who did it, where they come from or when (if ever) it will stop. It's crueler. I think I like it more. But are we ready to be Those People?

[shadowglitter]

I always embrace the nuclear option, so I'm still trying to think of a way to combine both? There has to be a way.

Okay, here.
We go with Plan A. We cover his tree in gnomes.
We wait until he sighs and gets angry at us, and then we just kinda stay back while he cleans them all up.
And then we put just one or two gnomes in the tree the next day. He'll be like, ugh, what? I thought I got all of them!
And he'll clean them up again.
But then they're back again the day after, just waiting in the branches, unnervingly silent. And he'll be confused, maybe start to suspect something's wrong. He cleans up.
The day after, they're back again.
They're closer to the house, like they're climbing down from the branches to head inside.
And he's getting nervous, at this point, but we both just keep insisting neither of us have anything to do with it.
And he doesn't believe us, but he's getting nervous? He's starting to wonder if we're telling the truth.
And then - he wakes up, and it's inside. Just one. Just by his kitchen. He throws it away.
The next day: two.
The day after: three.
Four. Eight. Sixteen. More and more gnomes hidden in his home, his cupboards, under his bed, everywhere, until he's scared.
And then we stop. We stop stealthing gnomes into his house. When he's about to lose his mind, we stop. We let it lie. He thinks we've given up, even though this whole time we've refused to take responsibility for what we've done so he doesn't have any direct proof we did it. A month passes. He forgets. He forgets the terror that gripped him, the screams that choked him. He forgets how every morning he used to be too afraid to open his eyes because he didn't know if there would be a gnome in his bed just waiting to greet him.

Then we just leave one on the toilet.

[quickfingers]

Odin Motherfucking Dark.


You are a genius.

[shadowglitter]

and so operation eternal sunset begins.

[quickfingers]

I'll start collecting gnomes so we're set to start when we're back on earth y/y?

you didnt see shit

[shadowglitter]

I'll find some dirty straw to make blond wigs out of. Hahaha.
Totally just burned his stupid pretty hair.

woof

[quickfingers]

Grab any plaid you can too. We'll do some arts and crafts bs party after we celebrate our victories in space, revel in our wealth and celebrity upon relanding, etc.

then we strike

whomst dares?

[shadowglitter]

Oh oh oh oh oh! Oh! OH OH OH OH

Some of them can have tiny band t-shirts? But like with really awful slogans on them, or even just showcasing bands he doesn't like. Is there any music he hates? Try and find out. You're the music boy.

w o o f

[quickfingers]

I'm on it. It'll be my job. Like whoa.

we're a good team, odin. you and i.

calls the police

[shadowglitter]

I think we are, too. You're a really good guy.

Let's fuck that brat up.