shadowglitter | ic contact

You're not putting too much on me. You're being here for me. Just, I'm not reacting the right way, and I know you said there's no wrong way but, But like even now, I'm just like, "see? Archie agrees, you fucked up, you're the one who fucked up, all Poe did was let you down, you're the only fuck up here". And I know that's not what you're saying 'cause you said that's not what you're saying. But man. I am exhausting. You should be doing stuff other than listening to me rehash the same anxiety stuff over and over and over again, now with the cool added bonus of big dumb heartbreak. Also, I don't want anyone else. I don't think I'll ever want anyone else? I just want him. I hate that I'm still like, "maybe there'll be a part of him that'll love me back someday", 'cause I know there's not. But that's where I'm at. I dunno how to let that go. I did this big anonymous post a while ago trying to find out some stuff about love and I kind of talked to you through it. You told me to stay realistic and I didn't and I'm still not and I think that's why I'm fucked up right now. So, Sorry for not listening and also for being super secretive and sneaky.

i know you have anxiety, so i'm actually not surprised that's what you're telling yourself. the text is there and will stay there if you need to read over it again. i'll say it again, even. you both messed up, but this is not unforgivable. everyone makes bad choices when it comes to love. it doesnt mean you're a fuck up or a failure, you're just human. seems we both made anonymous posts about love, huh? i didn't listen to a lot of the stuff people told me until i actually saw i was hurting matt with what i was doing i was stupid and needed actual tangible results instead of just using my brain and understanding how humans work maybe think about moving on when it's not so fresh? i was genuinely planning on packing up and fucking off to some remote island when i thought i had to let go of matt. we do stupid things for love.

okay well humans can be fuck ups and failures and there's no inherent restriction in place to prevent a human from being a fuck up or a failure just because romance is involved so checkmate, idiot. Another decisive blow from the logic-riddled blade of Odin Dark. I can't think about moving on. I know I should. It's just, like, I mean it's Poe. Nobody else has ever made me feel so okay to just be me. Letting go of him means letting go of the person who makes me feel completely alright just being myself. And I know that I shouldn't be so insecure that I only feel like that around another person? I should feel like that just by being, like, me. But this is the position I am in now. It hurts being around the dude who makes me feel okay. So I don't want to be around him. But I don't want to let him go, either. I haaaaaaate iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttt byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee You and Matt ended up getting together, right? Even though you thought you had to let him go. So. IDK.

me and matt are a different situation in regards to how it ended. we knew each other for a long long time before we even showed up here and the problems we had were because of the world ending thing and me being a shit human for a time after. you can't help insecurity, or anxiety, or really any of the way you are in your brain. actually i mean you can and i highly recommend you seek out therapy when you get home (actually i insist and i'm going to give you numbers) but all that insidious crap in your head, it just tries to bring you down when you don't deserve it even if you think you do this thing with poe will be resolved one way or another and honestly? you're young. we exist on a planet bigger than we can conceive with more people on it than we can conveive. poe isn't going to be the only person ever who makes you feel that way.

right. so reiterating: it's totally hopeless and the only way forward i'm allowed to take here is the complete and total acceptance that he'll never love me and that holding onto this is just going to hurt. got it. no offense, but why does everyone I know who tried to end the world end up falling in love and being happy forever? it happened back home, too. I feel like the whole guardian-of-the-apocalypse thing I've got going on isn't doing me any favors and karmically I'm not sure that's fair. but whatever. sorry. shitty attitude. I don't really want any numbers though. also. I get it. I'm just going to go on and on and on and on about how I want it to be Poe and how I don't want it to be anyone else but I'm just being childish and pathetic and I gotta stop. You're right. I'm gonna go. Thanks for talking to me.

he's in love with someone else. this isn't about you not being good enough or him secretly hating you. he just has feelings for someone else. you can't control that. hell, HE probably can't control it. and i don't know. i don't know why that happens and i'm sorry it does, but having someone isn't what makes people happy. neither of us are happy. i didn't say you were being childish or pathetic. i said over and over this is a human reaction. go and do your thing. make sure you eat and stay safe up there.

'kay. bye.

ic contact

Re: text

Re: text

Re: text

Re: text

Re: text

Re: text

Re: text