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[shadowglitter]

INBOX text / audio / video / action I only drink Chocolate Milk. THE DARKEST OF MILKS! art credit code credit

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[shadowglitter]

Well that was rude.

Do you have limitations on the pizzas you deliver? Because I want to order some wild-ass shit one of these days.
Crow beaks. Goat eyes. Goat horns. Goat skulls. Honestly, goats are just really good for demonic foodstuffs, and I'm a spooky boy with spooky needs.

[quickfingers]

It was said endearingly. I'd have called you worse if it were an insult.

I think unorthodox animal parts are kinda hard to get around here, I might be able to give you a candy corn pizza or something like... dill pickles or ranch on top?

[shadowglitter]

Oh man, call me something worse!!! I wanna see how bad you can insult me!

[ bad idea. Bad ]

I don't know what ranch is. Like, a farm? A whole farm?
Yes. Yes, I would like an entire farm served atop my pizza.
Not metaphorically. I don't want a cut of meat from every animal on my pizza. That is cowardly.
I want a pizza large enough to house a full, occupied barn comfortably atop it, and then I want to eat it, wood and machinery and various apparatuseses and all.

[quickfingers]

I don't want to insult you.

And ranch is a dressing. A sauce? Like BBQ and Caesar. We don't make huge pizzas, I mean. We could probably make you an XXL one but it sadly would not measure up to a farm-size pizza. But it'd be delicious?

[shadowglitter]

Okay, I don't care about pizza anymore, I wanna talk insults.

Why not? Don't think you can do it or something?

[quickfingers]

You won't get offended?

[shadowglitter]

Do you think you have it in you to offend me?

[quickfingers]

Dude, half of my existence is to annoy and offend people.

[shadowglitter]

Be that as it may,
I'm so much better than literally everyone else you know.

[quickfingers]

At being a mesh-clad moron whose mouth runs faster than his lazy eye?

[shadowglitter]

I don't have a lazy--

Oh, I get it! 'Cause it's funny and insulting! Ahahaha! I love it.
I LOVE IT.
MORE, MAXIMOFF. YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT.

[quickfingers]

I need some fuel: give me some insecurities you have but aren't like, top of the list so it won't be too damaging to your confidence if I exploit them.

You gum sucking tortoise.

[shadowglitter]

Literally all of my insecurities are at the top of the list, so that's not gonna work.
I mean I guess you could pick on me for being a bad prince or something.
Or call me out on my hair being ugly when it's blond and that it should have stayed black or whatever.
Something about how I'm going to die alone because even though I surround myself with people who boost me up when I'm down, I'm down ALL THE TIME and faking being funny all the time to make up for being such a draining presence doesn't actually work when you're not actually funny.
Uh...
I used to have this scar on my butt and that was embarrassing but this God I know got rid of that.

I don't really understand how gum sucking tortoise is an insult. You're starting to slip, Peter Maximoff.

[quickfingers]

You don't get the insult because you're a dumb gum sucking tortoise. That's all on you, babe. You dumb idiot.

But also okay soooo some of those I'm not gonna touch with a ten foot pole because despite how much fun it is to call you a dumb blonde who used to have a stupid ass scar (haha ass acne? you had ass acne) I do actually respect you enough not to insult you on things you can't change.

But I can insult you on your poor posture and goofy hair.

[shadowglitter]

Calling me babe isn't so much an insult as much as it is just bizarrely flatteringly demoralizing.
I guess I can count it, seeing as it was added flair towards referring to me as a dumb idiot? A kind of build up or bridge between that one-two combo.
I don't know... hmm.

Honestly, I just don't think you're very good at this.
Thanks for trying, I guess.
You can stop now.
I was honestly expecting to leave this conversation kind of heartbroken and sad, but I just... I'm just disappointed.
"Poor posture and goofy hair". Honestly.
Who are you? Honestly. How dare you? Honestly.

[quickfingers]

U sound mad to me

[shadowglitter]

Not mad. Just

Just disappointed.

[quickfingers]

U MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD

[shadowglitter]

I DON'T UNDERSTAND
I DON'T LIKE NOT UNDERSTANDING THINGS, IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE D33

[quickfingers]

mad u mad bro
mad mad u mad?

[shadowglitter]

WHY...
WHY, INDEED, I'M STARTING TO FEEL FLUSTERED!!!!
THIS RAGE WITHIN ME, UNQUENCHABLE
IS THIS WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE BESTED BY AN INTELLECTUAL SUPERIOR?

[quickfingers]

Yeah I realize I'm better at this than outright insults.

Also sick burn of D33 you did there. Cruel.

[shadowglitter]

Wait, when did I burn D33?

Oh.
Oh, that wasn't a burn.
That was just kind of a cold, cold fact.
"My name's D33 and I don't understand things like friendship or costumes or probably how to feed myself because my hands are too busy giving people the finger and my mouth is too busy talking shit. When I grow up I want to crush dreams and maybe one day understand what taxes are."
D33.

[quickfingers]

d'you know he wouldn't wear a feather boa at my party

I'm still salty

[shadowglitter]

That doesn't surprise me.
I don't remember what exactly he said about what I was wearing at your party but I know it was mean.
He did say I was the most hopelessly idiotic person he'd ever had the displeasure of meeting and that I was never ever ever going to be his friend though.

TBH kinda makes me sad if I think about it too much.