shadowglitter | ic contact

but you're allowed to be frustrated. I'm sorry. You were going to be the first person I told, once we were open with it. Even before Magnus or Lucina. I would have liked a little more time... to figure out how to talk about it. But I'm not mad at Kay for telling you. Even though I still don't get why it would have been hard for you if I were dating him.

what should I have done, then
because it's not like i can just turn my feelings off, Owain, i just

needed a safe place to put them
and i thought being friends was it

but I can't justify that if it hurts you

in kay's defence, I didn't give him a lot of choice

he's almost as bad a liar as i am

and we'd had discussions on this before

And yeah spoilers watching my two best friends get together while i sat here by mys
[No. Fuck. Not what he wanted to say.]

look it doesn't matter
It's just a rule okay
friends don't date friends exes
there's a reason that rule exists

You didn't do anything wrong. There's a reason I never brought it up. I know how disrespectful I've been. I just don't know how to... shut away feelings like that. Change them. Just. Sucked. Going from "this guy's my soulmate!" to "this guy's my friend because his soulmate is someone else". I don't know.

We're retreading old ground that doesn't matter anymore.

[ He's reading over the Kay thing, ready to reply to that, maybe make a joke about how he should have picked someone better at keeping secrets or maybe skip that and zero in on the two best friends thing. Instead-- ]

"By yourself"?

yeah, well, neither can i, obviously

just had to try

but you're right, it doesn't matter anymore

and im
okay happy is a strong word
but honestly i want this for you

but i will kill him if he hurts you, I hope you know that

sure he'd come back but he wouldn't enjoy the trip

[There's a much longer pause, this time, because he really, really hadn't meant to send that.]

just

add that to the file of things that don't matter

You did better than me. But. Don't worry. He won't hurt me. I don't think I could have tried this with anyone other than him. I mean-- I felt like it had to be you or nothing. For such a long time. But he's. Peter. You know? He's not just some random dude I'm messing around with. He's my brother. So. He won't hurt me. Uh. I guess I shouldn't call him my brother now that we're getting it on, though. Whatever.

[ his mind doesn't leap straight to the porter - he fucking broke down when Poe was ported out for a few days, and Poe isn't threatening to light anything on fire, so... he just assumes it can't be that bad. there must be-- a fight, or something, going on between Poe and The Guy. it'll work out, he's sure, but he'll still offer a shoulder. like a friend should. ]

You wanna get wasted with me when I get back? I'm, um. I'm actually away... for a week. But we can do that. When I get home. I'll take you to the bar Foggy showed me. We can get drunk and start a scene and inevitably get sued for property damage.

i 'm pretty sure if he would, it'd be by accident
he's an idiot
but he's a good man
i know that

[there's a longer pause, to this. It would be so easy, to leave it there- to say sure, yeah, wasted when you come back. To hold his tongue that at least Owain was coming back.

But he had literally just been so fucking furious that Owain had been lying to him, even only through omission, that he... Felt he had to be clear.]

sure

if I don't blow up the porter and get thrown in jail before then

He's the best. I really, really love him. He's-- I don't know. You don't want to hear me go on about it, I bet. Just, I'm happy. Really happy. With him. I didn't even know I could get this happy? It's kind of insane. He's just. Perfect. To me. But. Hey. I'm a big boy. You know that. I can handle myself. You won't have to fight my battles for me. I'll take him out if he tries anything. Shot between the eyes. Pew pew.

[ bleh, hard. feelings. exes. and then--

oh.

oh. ]

Fuck. Sorry. I don't even know what to say. How long?

[He really, really didn't want to hear about how amazing Peter was, but. There was one thing, at least, that was important to address.]

good.

you deserve to be happy, owain.

will still kill him if that ceases to be the case though

[The next pause is a little too long.]

day seven

nothing to say, so don't worry about trying

I'll warn him to stay on the straight and narrow, I guess.

[ day seven, though. there's no delay in odin's reply, but it's typed out very deliberately on his end. mechanically, like he doesn't want to be doing this. ]

Seven days doesn't mean shit. People have been ported out for far longer and they've come back just fine. You'll be okay. Everything will be okay. But. You saw how badly I was losing my mind when you were ported out, and that was only, like, for three days. So. It's okay. If you're not okay. I know what it's like. I think. The worry.

Cassian's been over a month now

It's fine.

It is what it is.

I'm fine.

Either the Porter brings them back, or she doesn't, or she does and they don't remember anything, and either which way there's nothing to do about it. So.

I'm fine.

You don't have to pretend with me, man. We're so far past pretending.

[ a pause. ]

I'll be here, however you need to get through this. Okay? For as long as I'm breathing, as long as my feet are flat on this shitty world's ground, you can talk to me about anything.

Not pretending.

Just.

I've gotta be fine, so gotta tell myself I'm fine. That's it. That's all it is. No time for anything else. So don't worry about it.

[There's a pretty long pause, because he knows that Odin means what he's saying but he also knows it's not true. There are definitely things they can't talk about. But he isn't willing to point that out.]

just

enjoy yourself. be happy. that's all I want.

Yeah... Okay.

[ it's not like he can't understand that. he did that every day, back in the fallen ylisse. he still does it now, every time he goes full odin dark. still.

it sucks. ]

I am. I will. But my phone's on. You can contact me any time.

~~don't worry, I've got your number on speed dial, bu--~~

[... No. No 'buddy'. Not anymore.]

it's fine

we'll catch up when you're back

i'll call if necessary, but
you deserve this, so
just enjoy it

[ he doesn't feel good about leaving poe like this. it feels like he's abandoning him, almost. but he's not going to turn his back on peter, either. despite how long he spent fighting against poe's attempts to create distance, that's not really a choice that's in his hands anymore. the guy who didn't hurt him so, so fucking badly comes first. ]

Make sure you do. Okay? I'm serious. I'll be back soon. Promise. Do you mind if I say something else before I go?

sure, what's up

[ typing, backspacing, typing, backspacing. a solid five minutes pass. ]

I love you. Just remember that. Please. Despite everything else you're feeling. All the grief. Okay? You matter to me and I want you to be okay.

[There's a pause, but it isn't as long as Owain's. Maybe a minute, less than two.]

... i know. don't worry so much.

I love you, too.

Have fun.

[Poe is offline, because that's about as far as he can deal with that.]

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