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You're more of a sword than you know. Also, you're overthinking things. You love the guy. He loved you. If he trusted you before, he can trust you again. You're not a bad person? And if he came from your homeland, I can't imagine he's so fragile he can't handle you accidentally coming on a little too strong. You're all a bunch of badass heroes. He'll be able to survive you. Also, I think Kay would break your legs if you looked like you were about to do something wrong. I mean, like, Penultimate Rhapsody of the Shattered Knee Chorus levels of leg-breaking. He would turn your femurs into dust the second you seemed like you were about to step out of line. That's a boy that don't take shit, you know? Trust him to have your back and help you through reconnecting with Cassian. Cassian's still the same person you once knew. Try to be happy. Really, really try. Fight for it. For me. Or I'll blow myself up again? Ha ha Ha ha ha ha Hahah ah ah ah ah hah ah ha ha ha ha ha

Edited 2018-04-03 07:56 (UTC)

it's not about fragility
cassian doesn't ... trust easily
he'd survive it
but his opinion of me wouldn't
I didn't force friendship on him last time

he's not naturally inclined to have friends
I sort of snuck in the backdoor

but this time he's got access to months of network posts
first Fucking thing he saw of me was probably my last broadcast
he already knows we were friends and that my expectations are different and it's just

Ugh

I wouldn't do anything Kay would shatter my knees over
he's already still mad at me, i think

not funny.

don't joke about that.

Edited 2018-04-03 10:17 (UTC)

I just... I don't think your relationship with him begins and ends with his memory of you. He's fundamentally the same man you fell in friend-love with. You found a way to be together before, you'll find a way to be together again. I know this might sound hollow, with all the anger coming your way recently - but people feel good having you as a friend. You're the airborne knight in black! And orange. A brilliant pumpkin hue tied together with the solid inky darkness of the deepest, scariest waters, all wrapped up in a handsome and slightly conceited package. Don't sell yourself short. People are lucky to have you in their lives, regardless of whether or not you've had a hard time recently. You can bounce back from your last broadcast. You can bounce back from anything. You're gonna be good. You make people happy. Sadfrown McNo-trust is going to love you as much as he ever did. Okay? Don't stress out so much over how to talk to him - just talk to him.

And -- Sorry. I know. I won't. I'm sorry. I don't know how to talk about it still. What happened. I haven't told anyone what happened. Just... yeah. Sorry. Still navigating. Let's not talk about that right now.

he might be the same, but i'm not sure i am

i don't know

not totally sure i can believe you, bud, pretty literally have been assured that my friendship costs more than it's worth
maxwell actually cursed at me
"void take you". i'm pretty sure it means the same thing in his world as it would in mine.

and that's not a death you wish on someone lightly

deserved? but still not an idle curse

i'm going to do my best to make it up to everyone but that doesn't mean everyone will want it

i didn't tell peter

i'm not going to force a conversation about it, owain, just don't fucking joke about it again

[ owain's quiet, leaving the conversation about what happened in the past for a little while longer. they'll... get to that. he wants to say he was affected by what happened more than anyone else, so if he thinks poe's friendship doesn't cost more than it's worth, that should say something? but. sounds like he'd just be guilting poe, so he leaves it. ]

Maxwell would've just been upset... it was hard, watching what happened. That's all. Worst case scenario - even if you've burned a few bridges here - you haven't burned any with Cassian. Okay, okay. Listen. Forget everything that's happened for the past few months for a second. Forget all the extenuating circumstances and just... answer this. Do you want to be close to Cassian again?

[Poe rubs his face with a sigh. Forget extenuating circumstances, huh?]

does earth count as extenuating circumstances?

i don't know

maybe

i think so

Then, like.

[ a pause. ]

You've just lost a lot. Finn, Leia. People from home. Connections you've made. You nearly lost me, man. I died in your arms. You've finally got something back. Someone. Maybe not how you know them, but they're... them. He's him. You know? I just know you deserve happiness. I wish you could see that, the way I see that. I don't want you to shut yourself off just because you aren't happy with who you are right now. You both deserve to be in each other's lives. To have someone you can rely on. Don't shatter this before you've got a chance to make it whole.

i'm not going to shatter anything

i just

no
you're right

just not sure how many times i can do this, you know?

if the same things happen
if it goes the same way

how many times can i watch him destroy himself
or watch earth destroy him

That's why I'm saying, like - try to be the person he needs. Try to be there for him? You're not destined to fuck this up. You're not destined to blow everything up. You're not as harmful of an influence as you think you are. Similarly, he's not destined to be destroyed. Fate is far more chaotic than that. Just go into this trying to be the best version of yourself you can be for him. Things don't have to be permanent to count, you know? Even if he's only here for a while again, you could make him happy. That has to be worth something, if he's already seen so much sorrow.

yeah

you're right

just really hate the porter sometimes, you know?

glad you're back, though

thanks, owain

A matter such as this is a mere trifle for the great and noble hero, Owain Dark. Let me know how things go with him, yeah?

well, even if it's a mere trifle

thanks anyway

and yeah, i will

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