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i don't want your best behaviour? i'm not embarrassed of your regular behaviour. and you don't need to impress anybody. he won't be trying to impress. he's too cool and edgy to do stuff like that.

It's important to me that everything goes okay, though. I'll try to chill, but.
Man.

Man, you would date an edgelord.

i get it. help me plan something chill and you don't have to stress about it. it'll all be knowns.

you're the edgelord peter's dating, shut up.

You could dress up like a burglar and break into his house? Then I can come along and tackle you and be like "stop right there, thief!" and he'll think I'm a hero. Maybe.

he doesn't care about stuff. he's a spoiled rich boy that doesn't get the value of money.

he'd probably be like "take it i'm busy planting potatoes. lol"

OK, well now I just kind of low-key feel like you're fucking your reflection. Your rich reflection.

You could kick up all his potatoes and I could stop you? Wait, you garden boys would break up over something like that.

wwe're not doing that?

tho it's true we'd never fuck with eachother's potatoes.

I know, but I was trying to be dramatic! I put impact behind each and every single word that absconds the confines of my mouth!!! My words are nimble vagabonds fleeing my mind like tomb-raiding adventurers escaping into the jungle of our conversation with piles of cursed gold under each arm!

Maybe we could just go see a movie or something.

you're really inconsistent with your safe sex messages.

how do you get to be the hero there? maybe peter can be a plant. like somebody who won't turn off their cell phone or keeps loudly asking "who's that?" every time a new character appears.

No, if Peter's involved, I'm just going to start competing about whose relationship is better. Or I'll just ignore you guys to go make out with him. That's not cohesive to any of this.

I could just message him and say hi.
I mean, I won't, but I could.

thank you for recognising that.

do it? i dare you.

IDEA 2.0:

I COULD SEND HIM SOMETHING
UNMARKED AND UNNAMED SO HE WON'T KNOW IT'S FROM ME
JUST LEAVE IT ON HIS DOORSTEP
AND HE'LL MESSAGE YOU LIKE, SHIT, I GOT AN AMAZING PRESENT IN THIS BOX WRAPPED UP IN BROWN PAPER BUT IDK WHO IT'S FROM,
AND YOU CAN BE LIKE,

huh... (smokes weed)... that sounds like the sort of power move i could expect from... odin dark. you're lucky... that he's noticed you... ronan... love of my life... my dream come true... dust off your shoulders... my sweet darling... my darling boy... congratulations...

why are you writing me like i've had several intense strokes?

You're feeling stunned and dazed because you're talking to the hot dude that likes you. You're emotionally sentimental over all your feelings for him. You're stunned by how amazing it is that you get to talk to him about me, Odin Dark, best person of all people. The weight of all your positive feelings is over-encumbering.
And.
The weeds.

i don't smoke the weeds? 2/5 for this characterisation, you've written me way better in your fanfiction.

what's in the unmarked box?

It's ... an AU.

P
Potato
seeds.

Fuck. Um. I don't know. What does he like? Other than you and ignoring money.

Absolutely Unreadable?

macho edgelord shit? fast cars. boxing. petty crimes. also goth stuff? what about one of those beating hearts like in the poe story i read you?

He's starting to sound like a bad influence?

I could make him a knife. Knives are cool and sort of criminal. I can put bats on it.
A beating heart would be good. I literally have the power to enchant an actual heart to make it beat forever, if... you want... to go... tomb... raiding. With me.
Hm.

I'm mad that he's rich. I could have impressed him by spending, like, a million dollars on the fastest car in the world. And installed boxing gloves above the headlights.

you didn't respond to my crit.

It hurt my feelings.

sweetvapetrix45 is gonna be a harsher critic than me.

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shadowglitter - 2018-08-19 10:03 (UTC) - Expand

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fehus - 2018-08-19 10:06 (UTC) - Expand

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shadowglitter - 2018-08-19 10:15 (UTC) - Expand

as a corpse i think probably we shouldn't vivisect corpses.

You would be surprised how often a moral objection to vivisection has hindered me in my life.

i wonder if anybody's vivisected my corpse? i wanted to be cremated. this still bugs me so much even tho it's the most cliche undead thing to care about. i don't wanna take the karmic chance vivisecting someone else when i'm up for tomb-raiding grabs too.