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[ Haha.. ha.. haaaaaa. Okay, alright, Owain laughs, too. Ugh, he's not even wrong. ]

You'd do all your sexy hair-flips and cocky smirks and we'd ignore you in favor of getting into a fist fight over the difference between a square and a rectangle. Something stupid like that.

[ He's all smiles, when he talks about Peter. Bright and illuminating, like the sun, any trace of embarrassment gone. They're not here to talk about his relationship with Peter - Poe specifically wanted to avoid it, not that Owain knows that - but he turns into schoolboy with a crush whenever he thinks about him. He curls his knees up to his chest and rests his chin against them, hiding his face a little. ]

Then he'd smile or he'd laugh or he'd say my name and my body would feel like it was being struck by lightning. [ Ugh, fuck, he wipes his eyes again. ] He's everything to me, man.

[ Gettin' gross over here. Owain takes a few minutes to just be blissfully happy, thinking about that asshole he's so in love with, then leans back into the wall again and lets himself watch the clouds drift by overhead. He calms down, and he listens, and he feels his stomach ache. He doesn't know a lot about 622, other than what Poe's told him before, but he sure as fuck sounds a lot like Finn, in certain regards. Earlier, he might have been suspicious - asked Poe if this guy was just supposed to be a replacement - but, well. He knows Poe doesn't think like that. ]

You kind of have a type, huh. Innocent boys with good hearts. The soft and the loyal.

[ aaaaa paaause. Owain scratches his fingers through his hair. He had other serious, pressing questions to ask, but... how does he even start, after all of this. ]

Would you... [ Fuck, okay, this is a difficult question to navigate. He shifts, folding his legs, facing Poe. ]

Would you be with Bodhi, if he and 622 were both alright with it? Or... do you not feel that way about him? Or - is it not even something you're thinking about, because you want to try being all in again, assuming 622 wants to be something at all?

[ He didn't really want to hear it, but it - it's weird. It doesn't hurt like it used to. He feels more amused than he feels bitter. There is a bitterness there but it's a bittersweetness, and it's almost more related to Odin's age than anything else.

He'd seen enough of war back home and never really got to have his youth. He deserved it, here. And he deserved love. And he was getting both.

So it was... good. Weird. But good. ]

It's a type, sure. [ He falls silent for a minute. Bodhi had asked him if he was projecting Finn onto 622, and he still didn't know that he wasn't, but - he was pretty sure he wasn't.

He was pretty sure this was something else. Or it was by now, anyway. He doesn't turn inward when Odin does, still looking up at the sky full of stars that he still barely recognised. ]

I am really, really trying hard not to think about that. [ Carefully. ] They deserve more than that. Right?

I think...

[ It's a loaded question, and - again - he doesn't want to give Poe bad advice, but advice is all he knows. He tilts his head, looking at Poe almost critically. ]

You know, it's probably too late to bring this up... but I'm pretty sure you could have avoided all of your problems if you said "hey, I don't want to limit myself to one romantic partner, and if you can't deal with that, maybe we shouldn't be together" the second someone starts showing interest in you. Kind of a... "if you love me, then you've gotta love me for who I am" deal.

You should be able to have a relationship that makes you feel fulfilled. Settling down doesn't work - it didn't for Finn, and it wouldn't have for me, and maybe it won't for 622, either. You're just going to make yourself miserable and whoever you're with is gonna get all insecure, 'cause they'll inevitably feel like they're not enough for you. But.

[ Sssslow shrug. ]

That's just... incompatibility. You should be with people who love just as much as you do. You should be with people who understand the way you feel, because they feel the same way. It's not an issue of deserving, it's an issue of compatibility.

Can't keep trying to change who you are, man. Transmutation is a mythical art.

Never had really been an opportunity to make conditions like that. If I even could in the first place. I just...

[ He trailed off a second, frowning. Eventually, slowly, he continued: ]

My parents managed it. Yours did. My dad never even looked at another person after my mom died. That's what everyone wants, right? That kind of love? I mean- I think in the majority of cases with imports that's impossible - present company excluded - but I've always had the feeling that was what everyone wanted.

Seems pretty selfish to try demanding more than that. Especially when they - especially when its not like they have more time, back home. Why not give them what they want, as long as they can have it?

And besides, even if both of them were interested hypothetically - they are - it's more complicated than that.

[ Lissa was royalty who knew she had to get married one day and until he joined the Shepherds, Lon'qu treated himself like a living object who only existed to be owned and used by whoever bought him. Poe's parents seemed to have a pretty rare love, and Owain's a fucking weirdo. It's a bad comparison to make on every level, so. He just shrugs with one shoulder. ]

It's just what you're used to. You don't want that. Hell, I've met other people here who dated more than one person at a time. You just... haven't had that compatibility. You keep falling in love with people who need loyalty.

[ Poe calls it complicated and he doesn't pry, but. He doesn't see how that matters, really. Owain slumps down against the wall until he's basically horizontal. ]

I think it's kind of unfair to start a relationship by "giving the other person what they want". Even if you like this guy - and even if he likes you back - love isn't supposed to hold its hand with pity. Sacrificing what you want and who you are to make someone happy isn't noble. It's stupid. And kind of cruel. [ A pause. ] And cowardly. Which I say with all the love in the world, but. Being afraid of hurting people is half the reason why you keep hurting them.

[ Poe turns his head to give Owain a bit of a look. Mildly: ]

You could have stopped at "stupid".

[ He turned his attention back to the skyline, frowning. ]

It's not- it's not a fear. It's a duty. It's not about not wanting to hurt them, it's - I owe them as much happiness as I can manage to muster. It's the only way I've really figured out how to make sense of this place.

Rather than sit here and wait for a war that I can't touch except by the grace of the Porter, I can... [ He looked faintly embarrassed. ] ... Reward heroes.

[ listen, the dragon of truth and brutal honestly doesn't just speak from owain's heart, it roars with an unshakeable passionate intensity. poe gives him a look and owain just kind of smiles apologetically. ]

I love you? Don't be mad.

[ But then Poe starts talking like a stupid idiot again, and Owain sighs. He's not frustrated, exactly, but he's close to it, and he's not as good at hiding that feeling as he'd like to be. "Dating an unsatisfied and martyred version of me is a reward", says Poe Dameron without any trace of irony or self-awareness. ]

Bodhi and this 622 guy are more than just heroic people with tragic lives back home. You can't just think of them as heroes. [ he knows all about forgetting heroes are more than just heroes. he has been there. he's been there with poe, even. ]

You're not going to be able to reward anyone by doing this. This isn't a reward. This is turning a potential relationship into a bandaid, or a distraction. You're taking something that should be fulfilling and wonderful on its own right and turning it into a prize and a gesture.

[ Poe didn't say anything for a minute, frowning to himself. Was that what he was doing? ]

I don't think I... I don't think that's what I meant. I'm -- no, I don't think that's right.

[ But he was finding it difficult to explain otherwise. ] I'm not- it's not a sacrifice. I want to. I want to be there. But I can't just- its not like I fall for everyone, Odin, and having to give him up just because I don't work how I'm supposed to sounds like way more of a stupid sacrifice. I can at least try to be the man I need to be.

[ He sighed. ]

I'm not making any sense.

But there's no... "supposed to" with this? You're the only person who thinks you need to be someone else. You're not thinking this through, you've just... reacted to all the heartache you've seen and been through with your gut. You've entrenched yourself in this idea that you need to fix yourself because you've been thinking like that for so long.

[ which he can relate to! he can relate to that really well! that's what owain was like during the entire war. owain sighs, reaching his hand out to lightly punch poe on the thigh. ]

Listen...

[ how can he explain how stupid poe's being. he hesitates, then asks another rough question. help him out here, truth-power. ]

Would you have been with both me and Finn, if he'd let you?

[ Ho boy. ]

... Probably. But you wouldn't have been happy. Neither would he.

[ He honestly wasn't sure how happy Finn had been in the end, anyway. He still deeply regretted their fight - a whole week of their time together, lost. He'd had nine months to turn it over so many times as to twist it out of all recognition. ]

You're definitely happier where you are. And he wanted something solid and stable and his. Hence all the - all the damn trees.

[ He looks at Poe a little sceptically, because "probably" isn't the most damning confirmation, and he didn't ask about whether or not it would have worked, just whether or not he would have. He takes a second, then very carefully phrases what he wants to say next. ]

Finn wanted something for himself. I wanted to have a love like my parents'. It wouldn't have worked, I agree with that, but. In an ideal situation where Finn wasn't after... something just for him, and I wasn't so hung up on this romanticized image I was trying to recreate with you, and you'd had us both... then...

[ Cccccccccarefully works hard on phrasing this question. Again. He's still leading to something. ]

"All in" as a phrase is kind of unfair, I think? If you had been with both of us, you would have loved us with everything you had. You would have been all in, like Finn wanted, but you would have been all in for both of us. Right?

Well, yeah. [ His brows furrowed, trying to understand. ]

I think.

But it's - time and priority, right? If your loyalty is split, where does your priority go?

[ This is all pretty academic to him, because the idea of being with two people at once is still kind of abhorrent to him, so he's not sure if this is how it works for Poe, but... he sits up, making eye contact. ]

Why would you have to prioritize...? That's kind of juvenile. It's not like you prioritize your friends. "This guy's my best friend, you're my second best friend, you're my third best friend...", people don't do that. They just... have friends. So in the hypothetical situation where you dated me and Finn, you would have... boyfriends.

[ Right. Right? Right. Does that make sense? That makes sense to Owain. Academically. ]

Look, I just think - you always beat yourself up over having to choose who to be with, and then you end up getting hurt, and then you end up getting other people hurt, because you lead them on to the point where inevitably rejecting them is just sweeping the rug out from under their feet when they thought you guys had something. [ a pause. ] Or, okay, maybe that was just an isolated incident, but.

[ dot dot dot. ]

It doesn't make sense that you want to give the people you love the things they deserve, but you think making two people happy instead of one person happy makes you a monster? I feel like if you just breached the conversation about trying to keep things open, you'd feel a lot less fatalistically doomed to shatter a guy's soul every time you had a crush.

"Hey, I like you, but I like this other guy too - is that a dealbreaker for you? No? What? You're open to trying the relationship and seeing how it goes? Wait - you're more than open to it? You feel the same way about love that I do? You want us to all date each other? Oh! A threesome? Right now? While I'm still in my air force uniform with the cool aviator shades that my friend Owain always thought looked good on me?! Wow, this worked out even better than I imagined!" Boom! Heartbreak solved.

[ Poe gave Owain a faintly helpless, amused look. ]

People do have to choose priorities, though. Sometimes your whole squad is in a fire fight. You can't save all of them. That's just how some things are.

[ He's not going to totally beleaguer the point, though. It's not something he thinks that Owain would know the answer to, anyway.

He looks even more bemused as Owain continues. ]

Great hypothetical, completely unlikely in practice.

They're - I can barely get them in a room together, Owain. They died within days of each other on the opposite side of a war. Like I said. Complicated.

[ Slooooowly arches his eyebrow. ]

Said the guy who flew a plane into a nuke sixty times in a blindly eager attempt to save everyone. Said the guy who keeps befriending enemies to his side of the war because he values people more than directives. Said the guy who would break his leg jumping from this very roof top if someone on the ground screamed out for help.

[ Eat shit, not buying it. ]

Look, maybe it won't work out now, and maybe this'll be too much for Bodhi in particular - but you haven't exactly been doing a stellar job maintaining your relationships so far, and I really think a part of it is because you've been hating yourself for not being the way you want to be and struggling to meet expectations that are in your own head. Maybe you need to be honest with what you want. Maybe that's why your power keeps acting up on its own.

[ Owain was absolutely right in calling him out, and Poe sort of raised his hands in a 'okay, okay, I concede' gesture before folding them back in his lap. Yeah, he deserved that. It didn't mean it wasn't something that he didn't worry about, though. He didn't like being made to chose between people he cared about, in any situation. But maybe that was Owain's point.

As the other man continued, Poe sighed and raised a hand to scrub through his hair. ]

... Yeah. Maybe. I just think it's a lot to dump on a guy who literally is only just starting to figure out how any of it works at all, you know? I don't think patience is a bad thing.

Maybe? But - intimidating him a little might not be a bad thing. He's a veteran - they don't scare easy. And... it's probably better for you to start this relationship with him on an open and honest foot instead of on the slightly tortured and depressing one you're delicately balancing on now.

[ Plus - again - Bodhi's feelings should be taken into account here, too. Can't pretend like he's not a part of this. ]

All I'm trying to say is that you need to start taking yourself a little more seriously. Give real thought to what you want and be honest about it, to yourself and to everyone else. Make healthy decisions. Do things that benefit you and the people you love entirely, instead of just in part. Stop making sacrifices before you know you have to. Otherwise, you're gonna keep hurting people.

[ "People" includes Poe himself, but Owain kind of figures if he says "you're hurting yourself by doing this", Poe'll say that that's okay and double down without listening. So. Can't say that!!!! ]

... Are you annoyed with me for giving you so much unsolicited advice, yet?

[ Poe sighed, staring off into the distance. It sounded like a good point, and he could find a reason to argue it, but at the same time he had a feeling that Odin was making it sound a hell of a lot easier than it was.

Either way, at the last question he turned his head and arched an eyebrow at him. ]

I literally messaged you for advice, Owain. That doesn't count as unsolicited.

[ He frowned, looking back out do the city line. ]

And I'm not annoyed. I appreciate it more than you know. Don't know if that means that I really have any idea to do with all of it, but. I appreciate it.

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