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[There's a little thing wrapped in tin foil w/ a bow on it left for Odin at his door.

Note reads: Setlist for takeoff, you better like mixed tapes. -P]

PETER? PETER? PETER? PETER PETER PETER PETER PETER

PETER MY BLOOD! MY BLOOD HAS TURNED INTO A RAGING TIDAL WAVE OF JOY AND ADRENALINE, THRUMMING THROUGH MY SACRED BODY WITH AN INTENSITYUNRIVALADFLKAMLKDELDMA LMVSALKVMLVKMSLAGKMLAKDFLAKGLAKMCZXLCKMCZLXMCSG'LG''G'L'L''L''

I'M LIVE-LISTENING! I'M LIVE-LISTENING TO EACH SONG!!! I KNOW I SHOULD'T LISTEN TO THIS UNTIL TAKEOFF!! I DON'T CARE! I DON'T CARE! I DON'T CARE

"I'm Sexy and I Know It"? Hahaha, oh man. It's like you know me better than anyone. Which I guess you do? Kind of. UGH, THIS SONG IS SO ME! GIRLS DO THINK I'M FLY, WHICH IN CONTEXT I TAKE TO MEAN SEXUALLY ATTRACTIVE TOWARDS YOUNG WOMEN OF AN APPROPRIATE DEMOGRAPHIC WHO WOULD BE INTERESTED IN MY SEXUAL ATTRACTIVENESS. Animal print... animal print pants. I want-- I want animal print pants. Do I have any? God, I probably have so many and I just misplaced them. I'm so stupid and funny. "When I'm at the beach, I'm in a speedo trying to tan my cheeks" - PETER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LET'S DO THIS! LET'S DO THIS WHEN WE'RE BACK FROM SPACE! Or in space? Do you think radiation would tan us successfully? 100% absolutely. PETER I HAVE SO MUCH PASSION IN MY PANTS THAT I'M UNAFRAID TO SHOW! PLEASE. PLEASE PLEASE I-I!! I don't! Even! Know! What to do next! I'm going to listen to this song for a few times, hold on, I'll-- I'll keep listening in a minute, I just need to keep listening to this one over and over and over again while I do like, modeling? Or dance moves, or-- I don't know! I'm gonna do something with a mirror while I listen to this! Brb!

Fuck, I broke-- I broke the mirror, that's-- that's bad luck, right? Ahh! That's so cool! Now I can give myself a cool character arc about how, like, not only am I weighed down by a millionfold deaths, I'm like-- I'm like, drowning under the black tar of years of misfortune! Which I guess I already say sometimes but now there's an origin story and-- PETER YOU'RE GIVING ME GIFTS YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOW YOU WERE GONNA GIVE ME

Okay, okay, next song, next song. A story about... what? This sounds... sad. ... PETER! PETER THIS IS REALLY SAD I DON'T LIKE THIS I DON'T WANT THIS I DON'T WANT THIS ONE! A little guy who lives-- lives in a blue world, all-- N--NOOO. I DON'T-- PETER HE'S SO SAD? He's... he's an alien? Are we-- do you think we'll meet him? In space? In his blue world? BY THE TWELVE ASCENDED I SWEAR UPON THE NAME OF EVERY YLISSIAN HERO THAT CAME BEFORE ME THAT I WILL FIND HIM AND I WILL FIX HIM. Do you, um, think he likes boys? Because I think love is what makes people happier than anything and if I could just-- just fall in love with him, maybe he'll... actually, I guess it's kind of fucked up to make someone feel better by making them love me or whatever. Oh, wait, he has a blue girlfriend? WHATEVER, IDIOT. Blue are the feelings... that live inside me, too, alien boy. I'm sorry you and the things you care about are so depressed, metaphorically speaking. This is the worst and I hate it. I wish you hadn't put this song on here, I'm so upset, this is AHAHA WHAT WOULD A BLUE AND SAD WINDOW EVEN LOOK LIKE THAT'S SO SILLY Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhgnnnnnnnnnnnnnnghhhhhhhhhhhhh I wanna make sweet tender love to an emotionally available and far more optimistic alien than this one NEXT SONG

Okay, this one sounds happier. Sucks to be you? Is this a burn? You're burning me. You piece of shit. I'm gonna tear your spirit in half. Haha, wait, okay. I identify with this woman. Everyone is so inferior to me and it's good that this man acknowledges it? She's so smarmy and sly, but, like, direct. Sultry, maybe? Kind of sultry. Is J like this? I bet J would tell you something like this and you'd be into it. Hahahaha BURN. SPIRIT: TORN IN HALF Wait, disregard everything I just said. I feel kind of bad, actually. Not about the burn? But the emotional timbre in this young man's voice - so pure, so... vibrant. A genuine intensity that must step beyond the rowdy beats of such an effervescent song and influence his day to day life. This is-- too real. I identify with this man, now. I, too, as a bastard incapable of making people happy, suck to be me. GUITAR SOLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAH AHA HA HA HAHAHA

IS A HAMSTER SINGING THIS SONG IS THIS A HAMSTER? DID A HAMSTER-- TALKING? TALKING SINGING TALKING HAMSTER DODODODEODEODOEDODEDEDDEYDOOOO doot doot doot badadootdootdodaoadoaod PETER!!!!!! I HAD NO IDEA RODENTS (?) WERE SO MULTI-TALENTED! To compose such an-- an aria, this canticle, something so pure and so holy and so, like, thump thump badump dub dub wub wub wub-- holy shit, he's teaching me how to dance! Stomp your-- okay, hold on, let me just-- PETER I'M LEARNING HOW TO DO IT! PETER I'M STOMPING! PETER, MY THING: SHAKEN, SHOOK AND SPUN. MY GROOVE? OH. OH, YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT HAS BEEN FELT. I want to dance like a hamster until the day I die!

Wait, there's no next song? There was only four? I'm... ahh! You have to make me another one! I don't know what to do with myself, now, I have-- I have all this energy and it doesn't have anywhere to go, I'm gonna go cast some spells into the sky or something... AHHHHHH THERE'S MORE ON THE OTHER SIDE! MODERN TECHNOLOGY IS A MARVEL AND THE TEARS THAT POUR FROM THESE PERFECT EYES, THESE WINDOWS TO MY SACRED SOUL, ARE EVERLASTING IN THEIR RELIEF

Okay, okayokayokayokaoykaoskyoaskgaspkgasofadf;adkf;lmf;er;;;314'13;41;34141l1. What's a Gangnam Style? Fuck, I can't comment on these lyrics at all! The broken mirror strikes already. I feel... a need, though. A need to move my feet. Something that strikes me in a way I don't understand. This... rise, this crescendo of a beat, this scaling height that DROPS SO EFFECTIVELY AND WITH SUCH GRAND IMPACT ON OP OP OPPA GANGNAM STYLE I-- I!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel like... such a-- such a sexy lady! I feel like being a sexy lady that dances with other sexy ladies! That's the vibe this song is giving me! I need to show you the dance I'm making for this. Maybe in space? It's gotta be in space, seeing as I haven't even hugged you yet and that was always the plan for when we got to hang out in person. I'm losing my shit, this is just...

What does the fox say? Interesting proposition. There are beasts in my homeland, shapeshifters who wear the skin of the vulpine, who would no doubt be offended by being treated as unintelligent animals impossible to communicate with man. And yet-- this curiosity to find an answer to a question never before proposed to me burns with a raw intensity I've yet to feel within any other avenue of my life. And so the music goes on. THESE LYRICS ARE SO HONEST? THERE IS ALWAYS SO MUCH ROMANTIC PARALLELISM AND METAPHORICAL AND SYNONYMOUS EXPRESSION WITHIN COMPOSITIONS TOUCHED BY THE BARD'S QUILL, AND YET - Here, now, on this day? I feel like I, too, should become a more straightforward, honest gentleman. Because the seal does go ow ow ow, and for me to forget such simple purities in life in favor of searching for an ever escalating method of expressing myself in an ever increasingly stylish manner, it's just-- I need to be more in touch with earth and the creatures that dwell within it. One sound that no one knows... what coulLDDDDDDDDDDDDDD IM CRYING IMLITERALLY CRYING IM CRYING IM CRYING IM CRYING IM CRYING IM CRYING IM CRYING IM CRYING IM CRYING IM CRYING IM CRYING IM CRYING IM CRYING IM CRYING IM CRYING IM CRYING IM CRYING IM CRYING IM CRYING IM CRYING IM CRYING IM CRYING IM CRYING IM CRYING IM CRYING IM CRYING IM CRYING IM CRYING IM CRYING IM CRYING IM CRYING IM CRYING IM CRYING IM CRYING IM CRYING IM CRYING IM CRYING IM CRYING IM CRYING IM CRYING IM CRYING IM CRYING IM CRYING THIS IS THE FUNNIEST SHIT I'VE EVER HEARDhold on ineed to pause it to laughor ic ant haer it

Edited 2017-11-17 12:34 (UTC)

okay i can breathe again THIS IS MY FAVOURITE THIS IS MY FAVOURITE I WANT TO TALK TO A HORSE IN MORSE OH MY GOD THE FOX IS BACK AND IT'S SO MUCH ANGRIER WAIT IS HE LAUGHING? THE CEASELESS MIRTH IS CONTAGIOUS IN A WAY SO FEW PLAGUES ARE I can't stop singing this? I-- holy shit, it got all serious? This stuff about-- this guardian angel-- is that deep voice the fox? I'm-- I have shivers? I have shivers. I... I have shivers because the guardian angel fox that lives in the forest descended on those who-- those who needed to know more about him, and he just-- he just shared it? He protected those who needed him and rewarded them with a kind of love and forbidden knowledge that I didn't... I didn't know I... needed... ... Peter, this is my favourite song.

Sorry for the delay, I just had to kind of lay in bed and look up at the ceiling and think about some things. I want... to be a better person, for the fox of the forest who would find me so worthy. For the boy in blue with such a broken heart. For the hamster who guided me through steps that, even now, pulse through my anima. The recesses of my heart. The ladies singing la la la la in this next song seem like nice people. I can just hear it in their voices? Like they only care about-- making me happy. Oh, wait, they want to take me dancing and smiling and stuff? God, I want a girlfriend. Well, actually, there's this one guy I'd specifically like to be my boyfriend, I think, but. I'd reject him for these girls. Ahh! More dance moves! I'm shaking it in every direction, as these beautiful sirens encourage me to do so! It's so hard to type and shake your hips at the same time? Naturally, I'm pulling it off, but you know. I'm such a kung-fu fighting dancing queen. Can you teach me all these moves they're talking about? Hip hop and flamenco and stuff. I think space should just be one long adventure into slamming it in various directions and destroying all of those who oppose us.

Last song, I think... I'm kind of brokenhearted, but not really because it means I can go listen to the fox song ad infinitum and learn how to successfully mimic each and every sound said forest-guardian can make. You know, to scream in space when it's getting too quiet. This is so groovy? My groove, it's grooving. I don't believe I identify as a "hood girl" so this song isn't specifically directed towards me, but I, too, sometimes kiss my bicep because it's so pretty and I like myself so much. I also killed a dragon once and when I get back home I'm supposed to do it again? So, you know, I make them retire, I guess. God, these guys are so cool. Can we be like them? I think I'd like it if you and I just hit Heropa one day, rented out a limousine or something, surrounded ourselves in hedonism and money and made it rain. Literally. I will literally use magic to summon storm clouds and make the rain that falls look like gold coins. That is literally within my capabilities. This advice means something to me. I am sexy, and I am freaky. I am going to own these things and flaunt them from now on, rather than force them when I don't need to because I'm scared that if I don't talk all the time and keep myself entertaining then people will leave me or whatever. I think you are also a freaky man, Peter Maximoff. I know you have a girlfriend and that I tried to get you intimate with the step-on girl and you barred me from further access to your love life under certain restrictions, but I still want to play wingman with you. Like, think about it! You and me hitting the town and just kinda painting it red. We should do that, actually. Without the wingman thing. It took me a while to process what I wanted because this song was so energetic and cool, but here's my proposal, OK: Boy's night out, after space. You, me, maybe Magnus, if we can sneak him into the 18+ areas. No girlfriend or boyfriend or girl/boyfriend talk. Just the three of us going out and painting things red. Having fun together and being hungover the next morning. ARE YOU GOING TO RISE TO THE CHALLENGE MARK RONSON AND BRUNO MARS HAVE INSPIRED WITHIN ME? You better.

Also I know you have difficulty getting drunk but I don't think that matters with just how fucking much I'm going to get you blitzed. Like I will give you the amount of alcohol that would otherwise kill a man. So. Get ready. Anyway. cool. thanks

Man I can't even begin to dissect what you sent me bc of the sheer volume of your response but I'm really fucking glad u liked it man. We're gonna blast that shit out of our rocket ship to motherfuckin space, saying SUCKS TO BE YOU to everyone left on earth and hell yea let's take Magnus drinking like good bros. You wear a suit, I wear a suit, we try to get him in one too... y/y?

also there are videos for some of these. we should watch them in space. fuck, that space internet bandwith can suck it

Yeah that sounds good! All of that sounds good. The video-watching and the everything else! When we wear suits I want them to be actual cool guy suits, too. No fire print or anything. Well. Actually, hold on. Holy shit! Peter! Holy shit?! Nevermind!

God I know and see these for the hideous pieces of shit they are yet somehow I'm still willing to get drunk enough to put one of those on. Like it's fucking rare, okay, that I'd ever be that stupid in the company of someone but you're like my stupidity bro. As long as I'm blitzed I have no shame.

"Look at me I'm Peter Maximoff and I enjoy the time I spend with the people whose company I enjoy. I feel confident in acting foolish and having fun when I have the support of others backing me up." Haha. Gross. That's you. Ugh, so embarrassing. Why do I talk to you? I'm not talking to you from now on. Anyway, I'll order them. You've committed. Don't forget.

remember that i must be blitzed or else I'm not wearing it. You gotta pay my bar tab.

but cool i can wear those shades u gave me for optimal look

Peter I'm going to get you drunker than you've ever been. Peter. You're going to be the definition of debauched. I'm going to debaucherize you so hard they're going to rename you to Plastered Smashedimoff. We're gonna put the ebriate in inebriate. I should have kept them. They would have looked way better on me.

Screw you I'm gonna look amazing in them.

I was gonna share them with you but now you can go buy yourself a pair or look lame without them.

Okay well I never look lame, so remember that. Second, I bought them with my own money, so I'll just steal them back? Sucks to be you, idiot! Capitalism carries so much more weight than the arrogance of a friend, daring to think they own property they didn't spend cash on!

1. I gotta teach you how not to spend money. Stealing is simple even for slow bros like you.

2. Steal from me and I will end you. By stealing everything you love and hiding it from you. Let's not ignite that war for our friendship may not survive it

3. Just get another pair so we can fucking match you twit

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shadowglitter - 2017-11-19 08:45 (UTC) - Expand

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quickfingers - 2017-11-19 18:33 (UTC) - Expand

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text 1/???? A LOT...... A LOT I'LL TELL YOU WHEN IM DONE

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OK DONE LMAO SUP

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