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you wanna talk?

[ odin's in bed, as he has been pretty much ever since The Rejectioning went down. he'd messaged magnus after the confession, but it was-- habitual, like he'd wanted the distraction rather than anything else. if he talks to archie, he knows it's gonna get real and messy and difficult and he's not sure he can stand the guilt of putting that on another person right now, even if that person approached him first.

but also fuck it? but also fuck it. ]

Would that be okay? You have to deal with my shit all the time.

you're pretty much my best friend you deal with my shit too that's what we do that's the point hit me shadowmaster, conquerer of demons

Yeah but you have to deal with my shit more. Don't fight me on this. We might both be destructive black holes of imbalanced emotional stability who constantly avoid self-reflection or whatever but I'm taller than you so I can hang you from a coat rack if you keep dismissing my relentless self-pity. Everything sucks and I hate it. I don't know why I did that? I don't know why I'm such a generally stupid person. I don't know how I could have missed that he has a thing for someone else.

i'll physically fight you when you get home? it's equal i'd bet you can't even lift me my muscles are too dense and strong i'd imagine you did it because it felt like the right thing to do in the moment and you're still not psychic at this point it's useless to get bogged down in should'ves it's happened and all you gotta do it think about how you're gonna learn and move forward from it

whatever, short stack. go kiss a whale it was selfish i think. I knew it was selfish before I did anything but I did it anyway? I knew there was no way he'd return this thing but I was still like, "what if he does?", and then I was like, "hey why don't I pressure him on national television just to really hammer in the point" or something. I want to apologize but I also think if I see him right now I'll hurt so idk what to do. And I'm not saying I don't want to see him because it'll hurt and that'll suck and I only care about my feelings or whatever, I'm saying I'll see him and it'll hurt so much that I'll just feel shitty and not say the right thing and make things worse or something. Also I don't know what I'm supposed to be moving forward to? I just wanna lay down and listen to bad music and eat bad food until I puke and die basically.

i can't my whale is still at home anyway i think actually doing it on national television is something of a plus because most people are going to think that you two were paid to do that for drama there's already internet articles about it i'm reading one right now actually "poedin4eva 2 hours ago wtf!!!!!!1 im protesting the studio... this was obviously a set up to create darama becuz there wasnt enough!" see? also that user name is creepy. i'm blocking this site. did you think it was selfish because of how you feel about yourself or because you were somehow looking at the situation objectively? bare in mind this was before you knew he liked someone else give him some time i had to do that for my boyfriend and giving him time so we could both get our shit together was probably the best move either of us could've made you both have to process what's just happened. i doubt it was easy for poe either. i'd say it's worth seeing if you can still be friends, if you're interested in that, but not while you're still on national tv. ask when you come home. at any rate, definitely give it a couple days. moving forward to this is going to be the hardest part but moving forward to maybe let him go? don't hurt yourself like that. it won't help anything. i know being rejected is hard, but it's not the end of the world, even if it feels like it

sorry for stepping on a sensitive issue re: reachable whale kisses. I don't really know how that makes me feel. I've spent a long time trying to be entertaining, but having my lovelife dissected for validity feels... something. idk. stupid. this is stupid? this is stupid. why did I come up on this stupid space boat I think it was selfish for a lot of reasons. I don't think you wanna hear them all. We'll be here all day. But - Imagine if you were in his shoes? Imagine you and I had made it clear from the start of our relationship that we were friends, that we were only ever gonna be friends, but then - Surprise! I'm confessing my heart stuff to you on national television in front of everybody. That's so much pressure. It's so awkward? I also, Don't think I want to be his friend anymore. 'Cause it hurts. So that sucks. The end of the world was easier. I got to stab things. Well, I mean I guess all the people I loved died and I had to carry a nation of hundreds of thousands of people on my shoulders as they all died while I watched on, responsible for it all. But I got to stab things. Sooooo.

it's fine. i know my wailord is safe at home. if i ever get her here i'd like you to meet her. she's very gentle and would probably love you. you can't really control or help your feelings and i can see if you really really liked him despite what he said you might have that hope, to be honest, i think that's probably well within the parameters of how the human mind works i'm not trying to say it was an okay situation or that what happened was fun and good don't get me wrong i think it was awful on several levels for both of you and because of both of you but that's just honestly no matter where you confessed it would've hurt just as much like i said, getting bogged down in could'ves and should'ves will just make it sting more what's happened has happened. you can't change it. i know it's really hard to not think about alternate situations, especially with anxiety, but maybe, again, being in space will be something of a blessing. maybe being able to focus on what you have to do up there to stay safe and alive will be enough of something to keep your mind off it. the end of the world is a clear happening with what's happening around you being clear and obvious. love is different. bad analogy. but if you don't want to be his friend after this, that's fine he'll have to respect your desire if he wants to remain yours, just like you have to respect the fact he has feelings for someone else this is still fresh, though. i know its going to be hard but you have to try to not let your heartbreak turn to bitterness and anger. i know i'm asking a lot of you here but this is a complicated situation. rejections and break ups always are.

I already love her too. We haven't had to do anything exceptionally exciting just yet. It's really boring, for the most part. We've just been playing truth or dare or I've been wrestling Peter. Having Peter will help, I think... him and Riptide are both gonna make me happy. I wish you were up here, too, though. There's a guy with two dicks? Did you know Jonathan Walsh has two dicks? He wouldn't whip them out. Not that it... I don't know what I'm talking about. Everything hurts and I'm just kind of spiraling. Sorry. I hate this. I hate hearing about how I have to respect his feelings and he has to respect mine and all that and like-- I know that you're right but I hate it and it sucks. I wanted things to go better than this. And, I couldn't ever get bitter or angry with him. I love him, dude. I just don't think I can be around him anymore, because every time I see him, it's gonna be like, "So once we're done here you're gonna go back home to them, right?" and fuck that. I don't wanna get myself hurt just because I think maybe one day with enough time I'm gonna like, stop being in love with him and we can just slip back into being buddies or whatever.

probably won't stay that way and sorry, maybe next time honestly i could've gone my life without knowing my good pal jon has two dongs but now i know i guess i get it. i know it's hard to not be angry about it. i've been rejected before and i egged the person's house (not a good idea, got arrested) but if you need space, that's fine don't feel like you're wrong or anything for needing to take a step back. like i said, that will probably actually be for the best for both of you. and sorry, but i'm not gonna say what you want to hear. i don't want to incite undue hatred within you or against poe there are a lot of things in life where you just have to suck it up and be an adult about it and the choices people make in regards to love is one of them i can tell you something else you might want to hear though i think crobat has been stalking you becuase i caught him trying to imitate how you swing your sword around with his air cutter

I don't want to hear anything. I'm not, fishing for you to tell me anything, or waiting for you to take my side, or, or anything. Anything like that. I know that I'm not doing this right, by not sucking it up. I know I'm not being an adult, even though I'm old enough to, like, to not be this sad, about something stupid that happens to everybody. If I knew how to be better then I would but I don't so I'm just being bad. I'm not gonna hate Poe or be mad at him or anything at all, and I don't want you to take my side, to make that happen. I just want him to be happy. He hasn't done anything wrong, and, I love him, so, I can't be mad, I just, wish maybe he could have been happy with me. But I know I shouldn't say that because you said I shouldn't think could'ves and should'ves so I'm sorry for saying that. I'm scared it's going to get worse? That he'll hate me for doing this to him and for messing things up with the person he cares about, more than me. So he might hate me. Just, I don't, want this stuff in my chest anymore. Everything feels bad. (Don't egg his house please.)

[ doesn't even comment on crobat, flawless angel though he is. ]

i know you're not and i know you don't necessarily want me to sorry if that was unclear i think you both fucked up pretty bad i'm not taking anyone's side here you're not being bad. this is a hard situation and there's not really a right way to react? i'd imagine you're still hurting seeing as it was literally like a couple hours ago. poe is a rational person. i doubt he'll hate you. this was going to happen eventually anyway, it seems like (i'm not going to egg anyone's house. don't worry. i'm not mad at poe just like i'm not mad at you)

He didn't fuck up. Can I ask who rejected you? I didn't know you've dealt with anything like that.

just some random girl a couple decades ago it was my first rejection and looking back on it i was a total shithead about it ...i really hope she doesn't think that world ending thing was because she rejected me. it super wasn't... anyway sorry to say it odin but you both did i know you love him and you don't want to hear it but putting him on a pedestal like that will make it even harder to recover from

I bet it was, you liar. I'm not putting him on a pedestal. I don't think. I don't really know what I'm thinking. But I don't know how he fucked up? He let me down, that's not fucking up. It's just. What it is.

please it was for much stupider reasons okay, okay, i'll admit there you're right "letting down" is better than "fucked up" but i know it's easy when you love someone to think they can do no wrong and everything they touch is gold i have thought this about someone and been on the receiving end of it bad times all around sorry. i think i'm putting too much on you. just take some time to hang out with your other friends come to terms with what happened it's going to be okay i know it doesn't feel like it. i know it feels like this is your fault and maybe that you weren't good enough. fuck knows i've been there too. only a month ago or so. but this is just a bump in the road of your romantic life you'll find someone and you'll be happy

You're not putting too much on me. You're being here for me. Just, I'm not reacting the right way, and I know you said there's no wrong way but, But like even now, I'm just like, "see? Archie agrees, you fucked up, you're the one who fucked up, all Poe did was let you down, you're the only fuck up here". And I know that's not what you're saying 'cause you said that's not what you're saying. But man. I am exhausting. You should be doing stuff other than listening to me rehash the same anxiety stuff over and over and over again, now with the cool added bonus of big dumb heartbreak. Also, I don't want anyone else. I don't think I'll ever want anyone else? I just want him. I hate that I'm still like, "maybe there'll be a part of him that'll love me back someday", 'cause I know there's not. But that's where I'm at. I dunno how to let that go. I did this big anonymous post a while ago trying to find out some stuff about love and I kind of talked to you through it. You told me to stay realistic and I didn't and I'm still not and I think that's why I'm fucked up right now. So, Sorry for not listening and also for being super secretive and sneaky.

i know you have anxiety, so i'm actually not surprised that's what you're telling yourself. the text is there and will stay there if you need to read over it again. i'll say it again, even. you both messed up, but this is not unforgivable. everyone makes bad choices when it comes to love. it doesnt mean you're a fuck up or a failure, you're just human. seems we both made anonymous posts about love, huh? i didn't listen to a lot of the stuff people told me until i actually saw i was hurting matt with what i was doing i was stupid and needed actual tangible results instead of just using my brain and understanding how humans work maybe think about moving on when it's not so fresh? i was genuinely planning on packing up and fucking off to some remote island when i thought i had to let go of matt. we do stupid things for love.

okay well humans can be fuck ups and failures and there's no inherent restriction in place to prevent a human from being a fuck up or a failure just because romance is involved so checkmate, idiot. Another decisive blow from the logic-riddled blade of Odin Dark. I can't think about moving on. I know I should. It's just, like, I mean it's Poe. Nobody else has ever made me feel so okay to just be me. Letting go of him means letting go of the person who makes me feel completely alright just being myself. And I know that I shouldn't be so insecure that I only feel like that around another person? I should feel like that just by being, like, me. But this is the position I am in now. It hurts being around the dude who makes me feel okay. So I don't want to be around him. But I don't want to let him go, either. I haaaaaaate iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttt byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee You and Matt ended up getting together, right? Even though you thought you had to let him go. So. IDK.

me and matt are a different situation in regards to how it ended. we knew each other for a long long time before we even showed up here and the problems we had were because of the world ending thing and me being a shit human for a time after. you can't help insecurity, or anxiety, or really any of the way you are in your brain. actually i mean you can and i highly recommend you seek out therapy when you get home (actually i insist and i'm going to give you numbers) but all that insidious crap in your head, it just tries to bring you down when you don't deserve it even if you think you do this thing with poe will be resolved one way or another and honestly? you're young. we exist on a planet bigger than we can conceive with more people on it than we can conveive. poe isn't going to be the only person ever who makes you feel that way.

right. so reiterating: it's totally hopeless and the only way forward i'm allowed to take here is the complete and total acceptance that he'll never love me and that holding onto this is just going to hurt. got it. no offense, but why does everyone I know who tried to end the world end up falling in love and being happy forever? it happened back home, too. I feel like the whole guardian-of-the-apocalypse thing I've got going on isn't doing me any favors and karmically I'm not sure that's fair. but whatever. sorry. shitty attitude. I don't really want any numbers though. also. I get it. I'm just going to go on and on and on and on about how I want it to be Poe and how I don't want it to be anyone else but I'm just being childish and pathetic and I gotta stop. You're right. I'm gonna go. Thanks for talking to me.

he's in love with someone else. this isn't about you not being good enough or him secretly hating you. he just has feelings for someone else. you can't control that. hell, HE probably can't control it. and i don't know. i don't know why that happens and i'm sorry it does, but having someone isn't what makes people happy. neither of us are happy. i didn't say you were being childish or pathetic. i said over and over this is a human reaction. go and do your thing. make sure you eat and stay safe up there.

'kay. bye.

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