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I mean... maybe. There's already a competition featuring skimpy clothes during the second week. Who can say which strap of fabric hastily slung around a dong and labelled improperly as underwear might make its appearance?

force

this show is going to burn television down

i'm so proud

I'm glad someone recognizes my genius??????????????????? Even if I had to sleep with that someone to make it happen. Ugh, it's gonna be so good. I wish I could spoil you on all the shit that's gonna happen. Just keep watching!!!!!! I'm gonna embarrass ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS. And also, like, mine. I guess. Like Peter. If he's okay with it? Which he won't be. He's kind of angry at me. I think. Which sucks. I hate it.

[Not touching that first comment with a ten foot pole. MOVING ON.]

please do. humiliate them. i can't wait.

uh

something happen? why is he angry with you?

[ c o w a r d ]

He's. He's, like. Leo? My lord? They don't get along. Peter doesn't like how he treats me. Even though he's a good guy and he treats me fine. And, We were talking, about him. And Peter wasn't happy. About it. And. And, like. I said some stupid shit. Like. Like, I said this was my home. For me. And he agreed? For him. He said it was our home. Which is good. Because I was upset. For a moment. And. But. But like. But I don't know? If. I don't know. And then. And then, like. I was like! Defending! Lord Leo! A little bit! And Peter was just, like, oh, I'll just avoid him, to make it easier on everyone but it doesn't make it easier on me because he's my best friend and I just want him to like the people I like but it never happens. And then he sent me away. Which he never does. He's never done that! He's never not wanted to talk to me. And he just didn't want to talk to me. He was like, you should go mingle. It sucked. I hated it. I hated all of it.

[It takes Poe a couple of minutes to figure out what actually happened, since the majority of the narration was made up of fragmented sentences 'but like' 'and' 'but' 'and then' without actually saying what then.]

hey, okay, slow down

what you're saying is that peter doesn't like leo and you want him to like leo but saying that meant that he left? and something about home?

peter'll come around. you guys are basically inseperable, he's probably just

[Jealous. Hrn. Well, couldn't really say that...]

worried about you.

[ there is a brrrrrrief pause before owain replies. and then he replies all at once. loudly. relentlesly. super fast typing ]

Just. He said, "this isn't home for either of you". He meant it in-- like-- a you don't have to act like he's your lord kind of way, because he's not royalty here-- but-- like. Like, you get it, right? Leia's your general back home. You're still going to treat her with some kind of authority or respect, right? Because that's who she is to you. Even if there's no resistance here. I'm not wrong to stay indebted to this guy, right? He's my lord. Even if he doesn't have a kingdom. But my home burned down when I was little. Everywhere I've been since then has felt temporary. This is more of a home than anywhere else has ever been. This is my home because of Peter. And, like. You. So. Basically, what I'm saying is I'm reading into his wording (that he then corrected) and getting upset about it (even though he didn't mean any of the things I'm upset about which he both acknowledged and clarified, like, half a second later). He got sort of mad after I said, like. Like, there's a devotion. With Leo. That I don't have with him. So I think he thinks I don't like him. As much. Maybe. Which isn't true. Ugh. UGHGUGHUGHAUGHAUGHUAAUAUGH POe

Edited 2018-02-10 00:53 (UTC)

yeah, i get it
she's not even actually my general - she's thirty years too young - but the feeling is still the same. i get it.

peter's not a military guy, though, right?

like

i'm not totally sure he understands the whole loyalty thing in the same way

I mean. I mean, no, but. But. He's.

[ but peter's the most loyal person he's ever met? how does he put that into words without sounding like he's talking shit about his and poe's relationship drama. god. boys are..... hard ]

He should. Understand. Devotion. And loyalty. And. He had. A girlfriend. And. He loved her. And only her. She came back and she couldn't remember him and he struggled with the idea of even talking to her because even if she was her she wasn't her. And. Just, he's very focused. On people. That he loves. Because he loves them. And he's making an effort, to love my family? For me. But it's.

[ odin is typing odin is typing odin is typing. he's all over the place, nothing he's writing is making sense. he's got that same itchy feeling he had talking to poe when he threw his comm into space. ]

Auauaahuguahaugafsalakfmlmclzkmlsakmgag! I don't know if I'm angry or sad or what!!!!!!! I just want me and him to be chill!!!!!!

i meant fealty.

not saying he isn't loyal otherwise.

[Though he can't help but take that whole thing as reminding him that Owain doesn't think he is. Just. Gonna let that one fucking go.]

you're worried that he doesn't think you like him as much as someone you swore an oath to protect

but it's not the same thing.

so just tell him that's not true.

[ totally not even thinking about that, whoops. just scrambling and hitting on all the tangled up loyalty issues he's had since his dad's death. ]

It's the same thing? Fealty and romantic loyalty. Right? Like. It all comes back to the same thing. Even if there are different motivations behind each choice. Vowing yourself completely and totally to someone. He was really good about it. With J. So he should understand fealty. Logistically. Right? That's all I'm trying to say. Am I, like. Wrong? Ugh. HUARHARHGUAUARAUGHG. I don't know what it is about reality television that makes me lose all my friends, man. It happened in BB3K. 'Cause of Loma. Space was the last thing I did with her before she was gone. I dunno what I'll do if I've got a whole eldritch curse deal plaguing me and my television appearances. If I lose him or if I'm going to have to choose between him and Leo, like. What would I even do.

yeah kind of not at all

if he thinks loyalty is solely to one person then he wouldn't get the idea that you could be loyal to him and to Leo at the same time. it just doesn't overlap.

and if he expects you to have loyalty only to him then he has to man up a

[... Fuck. He had been deleting that sentence, but hit send angrily anyway. Great. Greeat. Fuck it.]

look if he's not dating you then he doesn't get to tell you where your loyalties lie, end of

he shouldn't be making you chose.

Edited 2018-02-10 18:53 (UTC)

I mean he's not! And he wouldn't. It's not-- I'm just kind of spiralling? You know what I'm like more than anyone, you know that I spiral. Nothing's even that bad, there was just salt and I'm just paranoid? I don't want to get to a point where I can't talk to either of them about the other. I want them to be friends and I don't want to feel weird and. Man. Nevermind.

[ he still hadn't really connected all this choice of talk and stuff to poe until the angry comment about manning up and dating and now he feels guilty. cool. he scrubs his hand down his cheek, dragging his eye. ghrghrgrhg. ]

Sorry. I'm always oversharing with you, man.

[He sighs and rubs his face, completely unaware that Owain is doing a similar motion on the other end of the line.]

look it's

~~can we maybe do this over the phone instead~~ [nope. nooope.]

i want you to be able to say whatever you want to, owain
i honestly do

and i want to be able to help

i just
there are some things
that i don't think i really have the right to reply to

not without making shit worse, anyway

and peter is just
~~i don't know what he's doing, but he's been doing it since space and~~ [nope nope nope nope]

i don't have the right to say shit about peter
but

he'll come around

or i'll punch him

Edited 2018-02-10 19:24 (UTC)

[ there's a pause.

he actually has the same thought. he hates when magnus does this to him? oh man, he hates when magnus does this to him. but he switches over to voice.

ring ring motherfucker ]

[Insert a string of star wars ridiculous expletives here.

There's a few seconds pause, but then he picks up.]

... Hey.

[Smooth, Dameron.]

[ ah, shit. his heart goes weird. ]

Hi.

[ it's been a little while since he's heard Poe's voice. there may have been calls here and there at bootcamp, but if there were, they were far and few between, given his schedule. it's kind of. yeah. heart-weird. he runs his hand over his eyes. ]

I've gotta move somewhere without cameras.

Tell me something fun while I walk? Tell me something cute about BB-8.

He does a pretty good rendition of the theme song for your show, if you want to hear it.

[Sounding further away like he's not talking directly into the mic:] Hey, buddy, you want to say hi?

[There's a pause and then the sound of something rolling over hardwood, and then a 'yiiip!' sound. And then a series of cheerful beeps and whistles, and then a few bars of Import My Heart's themesong rendered in those same beeps and whistles. And then a questioning sound.]

Dead on, bud.

[Poe pulls the communicator back to his ear.]

See, told you.

[ Owain laughs so loudly it's basically a scream, startling a few off-shift cameramen into looking around as he passes for whatever shot they're missing. fuck, he loves bb-8 so much. he misses him already? he can't believe they've been apart for so long. for the rest of his trip he talks about how much he loves that god damn droid.

he's back in his bedroom soon enough and he shuts the door behind him. there's a secret path behind a bookcase that leads to the rose garden out the back of Darkhaus, and owain slips inside to find some privacy. there's an echo to his voice now that he's here, but. their conversation is for them and them alone.

he takes a breath. ]

Why d'you not have the right to talk about Peter?

[Poe, on the other hand, is just in his room, where he's been for the entirety of the text conversation, too. BB-8 happily just hanging out with him as he fondly ran his fingers over the droid's head.

When they finally got to the point of the conversation, however, his hand stilled, and then pulled away to rub at his own eyes as he lied back in his bed.

He was shit at text. He knew that. That had been proven. But he was shit at talking, too, and far less able to censor himself as he knew was required.]

... You know perfectly well why I don't have the right to talk about Peter. [It wasn't an admonishment. If anything, it sounded apologetic.]

If he was just your best friend that would be different, but that's- [See? See? Already putting his fucking feet in it. He cut off with a 'tch'.] ... Even as just your best friend, still pretty sure I don't get to say shit about it.

[ he's overanalyzed every facet of his relationship with poe to such a degree at this point that he honestly can't pinpoint what, exactly, the reason is for his resistance on this. there are too many variables, too many words. probably based on space, again, owain figures. the zaps and the looks and the dislike. peter sure does fucking suck at getting along with the people that matter to owain.

it's hard to commit and connect poe's response to anything deeper, for a fair few reasons. self-preservation, mostly. he'll try, though, because. well. yeah. ]

I'm starved to hear you say shit, man. I hate that you pull back so much.

[ not that he doesn't understand why, just. he hates it. hates being behind poe while he starts his new life and moves on, seemingly super fucking easily. he slumps back against the wall and hunches over a little as he speaks, lowering his voice to dull the echo. ]

But - he's just my best friend? I don't really get what-- like, my whole problem right now is that my best friend and my family aren't getting along. That's all. I didn't mean to make you think... that I was using this as an attack on you, or on what we've-- on us? It was just.

Just me being bad at communicating.

[He sighs, trying not to have it audible but of course it is, running a hand through his no-longer-perfect hair.]

Trust me, pulling back is not my preferred method of communication, either. [It's almost said to himself, under his breath.]

And you're not - look, it's not about me. I know that. But listen. Peter isn't just your best friend - or at the very least, he doesn't fucking think so. Even in space, talking about his fucking girlfriend and he still-- [He cuts off again because Poe? Poe? What the fuck are you doing?

He lets out a frustrated sound.]

He has every right to hate me and that's fine, I get it, and I deserve it, but Leo is your family and he doesn't get to play the jealous infant card with that.

[ something weak flares in his chest and makes him speak without thinking. ]

Then why do you keep fucking--

[ --doing it. fuck, nevermind. he knows why. the why has been hammered in over and over and over again. dwelling on not being enough or not being loved enough or not being wanted enough and rehashing the same tired shit over and over and over again isn't going to do anything. he gave everything he had to poe when he was ported out and got less than fucking nothing back. it's hard to keep trying after something like that.

but whatever. the peter thing. he focuses and he knows it's the wrong reaction, given what poe is saying, but it's such a ludicrous line of thinking that he actually laughs. ]

Are you saying-- Poe, he's like, super, super straight. C'mon. He's not jealous, he's-- just. They don't mesh.

[ the smile's still there, but it fades, and he goes quiet for a moment. ]

And-- listen, he shouldn't hate you. Nobody should hate you. Literally everyone I've talked to about everything between you and I - including people from your world - has made it pretty clear that I'm the one that's been in the wrong. You haven't done shit.

Edited 2018-02-10 20:46 (UTC)

Because you don't deserve me fucking with your head. [Sorry, Owain, you chose to do this over voice where things can't be deleted mid typing.] And there is a long fucking list of things I could say that would fuck with your head. So.

Just - anyway.

What is it with earth and this 'straight' thing? is it just so that they can pretend that their behaviour isn't- whatever. If he's not into you, then maybe he should stop acting like he is.

... And that's not-

That's not true. Also probably all of those same people then told me it was my fault, especially if you spoke to anyone from my universe, because I can guarantee you I got a number of those lectures.

I just.

[He scrubs his face so hard that it's audible over the line.]

I'd rather you and everyone else hated me than have you blame yourself, alright? So don't- don't do that.

[ he's not sure if he's annoyed or scared or anxious or what, hearing that. maybe that's what poe means by messing with his head. if that's the case - ]

That's what I want to hear, though. All of that. I just wanna hear how you feel? I haven't gotten shit since you hooked up with this guy. It's scary having to guess all the time.

[ but. again. whatever. this conversation doesn't mean much with the voices of people telling him he's going to ruin poe ringing in his ear. everything keeps coming back to the same thing - poe chose someone else, odin hates it, poe's shutting his feelings down for who he's with, odin hates it... it's destructive and ruining everything. his own damn fault.

this still sucks. ]

But yeah, okay. [ he sounds tired. he's been over this too many times to fight about it again. ] As long as you remember that I'm the one that's still hoping for... whatever. To happen. While you're happy. Away from me. There's no excuse for that, really.

[ cycling back... may as well joke his way out of poe not gettin dumb primitive earth sexuality. ]

And-- Peter just likes girls? He's super into boobs and stuff. I don't have boobs. Therefore, he's not super into me. There's no attraction here. I don't know what to tell you.

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