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no i'm getting off track

look
i'm not going to fuck this up for you, okay
i promised

but i thought we were at least the kind of friends where you would tell me this shit
and if we aren't, i need to know that

Peter and I agreed to keep this quiet. I haven't told anyone, because that would be breaking his trust. This isn't about whether or not you could be trusted, it's about me not breaking my promises. The only person who knows about this outside of Kay is Foggy, and that's because he's my lawyer. I was scared I would lose my career or get executed or some shit for breaking my contract and not picking a contestant to win, and he told me to pick someone I trusted and just end the relationship later. Out of all the people on the island, Kay's the one I trusted most with this. I love that dude.

[ well, and leo, but that's another can of worms not worth opening right now. ]

Listen--

Edited 2018-03-08 06:02 (UTC)

You're my friend. My closest friend. Did you know that used to hurt? Do you know how much I hated that? Being your "friend". After you and that other guy got together and you said we could be friends it just fucking-- it felt like such a wall. Every time you called me buddy, it was like a knife in my chest. Like you were purposefully reminding me that you won't let me be anything more than that. But we are. Friends. We'll always be friends. If you want to be. And I'm at a place where it doesn't hurt. I think. It's just hard to talk to you about... healing. I spent so much time asking more from you than you were willing to give, you know? I don't know how to talk to you without picking at scabs neither of us want me to pick at.

look
i get it
i'm frustrated but i get it
sorry i shouldn't have
fuck

sorry.

i know i don't have any right to be frustrated by it.

though i don't think anyone would kill you over a game show?
pretty sure that's still illegal

[But then Poe gets to the part about friends and fuck but it takes a while to write an answer to that, so....

~ Hold Music~ ]

that's not

fuck

none of that was ever meant like that

friends isn't a - lesser rank or something?
fuck, owain, i'd die before letting anyone hurt you
i don't take it lightly

the idea that i hurt you with it

great

so every time i was trying to
cement something

i was just hurting you instead

great

great
great
great

[ odin doesn't feel guilty, really. this is ripping off another bandaid, one step closer to healing. he shifts down, laying a little closer to Peter. ]

It just wasn't what I wanted. I never just wanted to be your friend. I thought you'd want to go all in, eventually. Even though you said you couldn't. It was just a reminder of that.

[ he lets that sit, clenching his jaw. presses on. ]

but you're allowed to be frustrated. I'm sorry. You were going to be the first person I told, once we were open with it. Even before Magnus or Lucina. I would have liked a little more time... to figure out how to talk about it. But I'm not mad at Kay for telling you. Even though I still don't get why it would have been hard for you if I were dating him.

what should I have done, then
because it's not like i can just turn my feelings off, Owain, i just

needed a safe place to put them
and i thought being friends was it

but I can't justify that if it hurts you

in kay's defence, I didn't give him a lot of choice

he's almost as bad a liar as i am

and we'd had discussions on this before

And yeah spoilers watching my two best friends get together while i sat here by mys
[No. Fuck. Not what he wanted to say.]

look it doesn't matter
It's just a rule okay
friends don't date friends exes
there's a reason that rule exists

You didn't do anything wrong. There's a reason I never brought it up. I know how disrespectful I've been. I just don't know how to... shut away feelings like that. Change them. Just. Sucked. Going from "this guy's my soulmate!" to "this guy's my friend because his soulmate is someone else". I don't know.

We're retreading old ground that doesn't matter anymore.

[ He's reading over the Kay thing, ready to reply to that, maybe make a joke about how he should have picked someone better at keeping secrets or maybe skip that and zero in on the two best friends thing. Instead-- ]

"By yourself"?

yeah, well, neither can i, obviously

just had to try

but you're right, it doesn't matter anymore

and im
okay happy is a strong word
but honestly i want this for you

but i will kill him if he hurts you, I hope you know that

sure he'd come back but he wouldn't enjoy the trip

[There's a much longer pause, this time, because he really, really hadn't meant to send that.]

just

add that to the file of things that don't matter

You did better than me. But. Don't worry. He won't hurt me. I don't think I could have tried this with anyone other than him. I mean-- I felt like it had to be you or nothing. For such a long time. But he's. Peter. You know? He's not just some random dude I'm messing around with. He's my brother. So. He won't hurt me. Uh. I guess I shouldn't call him my brother now that we're getting it on, though. Whatever.

[ his mind doesn't leap straight to the porter - he fucking broke down when Poe was ported out for a few days, and Poe isn't threatening to light anything on fire, so... he just assumes it can't be that bad. there must be-- a fight, or something, going on between Poe and The Guy. it'll work out, he's sure, but he'll still offer a shoulder. like a friend should. ]

You wanna get wasted with me when I get back? I'm, um. I'm actually away... for a week. But we can do that. When I get home. I'll take you to the bar Foggy showed me. We can get drunk and start a scene and inevitably get sued for property damage.

i 'm pretty sure if he would, it'd be by accident
he's an idiot
but he's a good man
i know that

[there's a longer pause, to this. It would be so easy, to leave it there- to say sure, yeah, wasted when you come back. To hold his tongue that at least Owain was coming back.

But he had literally just been so fucking furious that Owain had been lying to him, even only through omission, that he... Felt he had to be clear.]

sure

if I don't blow up the porter and get thrown in jail before then

He's the best. I really, really love him. He's-- I don't know. You don't want to hear me go on about it, I bet. Just, I'm happy. Really happy. With him. I didn't even know I could get this happy? It's kind of insane. He's just. Perfect. To me. But. Hey. I'm a big boy. You know that. I can handle myself. You won't have to fight my battles for me. I'll take him out if he tries anything. Shot between the eyes. Pew pew.

[ bleh, hard. feelings. exes. and then--

oh.

oh. ]

Fuck. Sorry. I don't even know what to say. How long?

[He really, really didn't want to hear about how amazing Peter was, but. There was one thing, at least, that was important to address.]

good.

you deserve to be happy, owain.

will still kill him if that ceases to be the case though

[The next pause is a little too long.]

day seven

nothing to say, so don't worry about trying

I'll warn him to stay on the straight and narrow, I guess.

[ day seven, though. there's no delay in odin's reply, but it's typed out very deliberately on his end. mechanically, like he doesn't want to be doing this. ]

Seven days doesn't mean shit. People have been ported out for far longer and they've come back just fine. You'll be okay. Everything will be okay. But. You saw how badly I was losing my mind when you were ported out, and that was only, like, for three days. So. It's okay. If you're not okay. I know what it's like. I think. The worry.

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