shadowglitter | ic contact

yeah.

[he wants to make a joke; add a stupid emoji. punk odin a third time. distract from his sexuality and his feelings and everything that feels rubbed raw inside him. after what feels like entirely too long, with anxiety cramping his guts and his style, he adds:]

i know it's weird? i didn't think this kind of stuff was supposed to happen to me.

It's not weird! It's just a surprise. I didn't know you were... ready? For that kind of thing?
As long as you're not being pressured into anything you're not... okay... with.

But I kind of get the vibe that that's not the case. Right? I know you're smart enough to only be with someone who will treat you with the respect you deserve, so as long as that's... what's... happening. Here.
Which it. Is? I think. Right? Right.
Sssssssoooooooooooo.
How'd... it... happen. How'd it happen? How'd it happen.

i don't know if i'm ready either tbh. but i wanna try. nobody's pressuring me, promise.

i got worried he'd forget me bc of some stuff that happened. i was sort of freaking out. he came over and we talked it out. and then he kissed me i guess? [he doesn't guess, he knows, obviously. but it feels embarrassing to recount, even if he wants to be honest with Odin and Peter. it's a weirdly unused muscle, to talk about -- romance, or whatever]

[CANT HOLD B aCK ANy MORe]

WH OI S IT
DO WE KN OW HIM

i dunno if you know him. his name's ronan lynch? he's the guy i hang out with when i'm not hanging out with you guys. i lived in his yard for a while?

no o o o i dea who that is

but
cool. cool ? cool.
what's he like
what's he do
what's his job
is he cute?
how do you feel
do you like him
how much do you like him

he's weird
he dreams
he's a dreamer
he's not cute he's weird
i feel weird
i like him
i like him a lot

I know you mean good weird,

But please clarify that you mean good weird.

you had me draw abs in sharpie on your back once?

you said that was something you'd do for me and only me, magnus

i have very good ab drawing skills that need to be shared with the world. i just picture those packets of rolls stuck together.

Okay, yes. Yes. We all agree that I'm not a normal human earth being. That's why I'm the center of everybody's world and the light of the sun that brings a much needed warmth to the dreary and shitty lands the rest of you are stuck in. My back-abs were flawless and I still regret ever showering after we did that.

But I'm not asking, like, how weird he is. Or if he's... bad weird. I know you'd only date good weird. You probably circumvented the date-a-bad-boy-to-make-my-family-angry phase by eating it super hard.
But.
Like.
What do you mean you feel weird? Like. Excited? Or scared. Or both?

yes

[he thinks he probably can't get away with that, even if it's true. it's hard to explain the wires crossed in him, the anxiety that mixes with hope and excitement]

this is my first [...] anything. it's unexpected. i'm still not sure i'm somebody who people date.

[ -- glances at peter. presses on ]

Clearly Gothy McHotFriend thinks you are.

well, he's weird, like i said.

[but he can't help but smile a little]

i guess i just feel like i'm taking a test for a subject i never studied. i wasn't that interested in dating when i was alive. back in my afterlife i guess i had those kinds of feelings for someone, maybe, but nothing was going to happen. not with ragnarok and also like, me.

and now suddenly its exam day and i'm like what the fuck's a date? is it weird if he sleeps over now? how many times can i jump out of my skin from getting touched before its dumpsville usa?

if he gets you, he gets you and he'll be ready and willing to wait for you to start jumping w/ your skin and progressing from there. he obviously likes you and it sounds like you obviously like him and you've already mastered the art of being hickied so like. you're good? keep taking it at ur pace and it'll stay good.

I think one of Odin and my's first dates was just hiding under the catering table eating donuts while holding hands between shooting schedules so honestly? dates are what you want them to be.

[he thinks Ronan gets him; he thinks Ronan is kind and giving and patient. but he has his own damage, too -- maybe even more than Magnus does. Magnus doesn't want him to think anything is his fault, if Magnus can't be touched, or doesn't know how to do normal couple things]

[he's probably talking to the right people, about abnormal couple things, though]

can i ask you about your secret dating? is that weird

[A short pause as if to comb over it in his head to see how much was pg-13.]

suuuure. shoot.

is it ok w/ odin

[Sidelong glance:] Can I tell him some of the less embarrassing shit we did.

[ ... sweating ]

Maybe none of the crazy sex stuff? Tell him I don't mind talking about the rest, though. [ a pause. a reiteration: ]

None of the not-crazy sex stuff, either. Baby birds are still baby birds, even if they do have hickeys. And enough emotional security within themselves to get those hickeys in the first place, apparently?

[ A PAUSE, A REITERATION: ] I don't trust boys.

I figured I could tell him about how stupid I was with the first kiss. I mean, our first first kiss was at Christmas, but like our first kiss was - you know? Do you think... that'll be helpful. I wasn't. It was. Hm.

[Frowning.]

It's fine. We'll wing it.

ok

i'm asking then

ok

what are you asking in particular

(am i combo breaking?)

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