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[shadowglitter]

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( text )

[garotted]

Hey, so, thanks for thinking of us.



However, if you ever leave anything like that for us ever again, I will fucking destroy you and spread your molecules across all nine realms.

1/3

[shadowglitter]

[ oh god. odin drops his phone in fear the second he sees he got a text from alex ]

Re: ( text )

[shadowglitter]

[ he drops it again when he sees the contents of the message, this time accidentally sending: ]

swudjub l;;'

Re: ( text )

[shadowglitter]

[ okay he's got it. ]

Okay. Okay. Sorry.
It's a very tasteful book, though. It's not just about STDs and pregnancy and stuff.
There's like TEN CHAPTERS about feelings. I'm sure somewhere in there it tells you not to yell at your boyfriend's fake brother. That's, like, gotta be a golden rule of getting down.

[garotted]

It's cute that you think a book would save you from my wrath.

[shadowglitter]

I. Yeah. Okay. Sorry. Your wrath is... unparallelled. And my mistakes............ grievous. Please don't kill me.

But also, thank you for calling me cute. I think you are also very cute, which is a truth and not a lie?
BOOM, MUTUAL COMPLIMENTS AND LOVING RESPECT ESTABLISHED. BEST FRIENDHOOD: THIS IS THE BEGINNING?

[garotted]

I am fucking adorable and don't you forget it.

Sorry, my best friend is my boyfriend, you'll have to live with obnoxious pseudo older brother.

[shadowglitter]

Okay that's ffialdmslg;;

Sorry, I dropped my phone again. It's just what you just said was super cute and it kind of killed me?
Like, "my best friend is my boyfriend" might be the cutest thing I've literally ever heard in my entire life and I think I'm dead?
I CAN'T BELIEVE I'VE LITERALLY DIED FROM HAVING A LEVEL 12 MEGA-HEART ATTACK BROUGHT ON BY HOW CUTE YOU ARE AS JUST LIKE AN ENTIRE HUMAN BEING??? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[ a pause. ]

I mean w/e. That's cool. I guess.
I guess I'm okay with taking that role. That cool cool cool cool role of obnoxious pseudo older brother that's making me cry just thinking about it.
It's nbd.

[garotted]

[ what the actual fuck... ]

Just remember: cute but deadly. Emphasis on deadly.

Don't cry, you'll get snot on your phone and that's gross.

[shadowglitter]

Got it! Got it. Like a rabbit with a knife. No, that's stupid.
A kitten with a gun? A snake with a fluffy christmas sweater. A... parasite with a degree in childcare.
I'll figure out an appropriate metaphor and liken you to it the second I find another opportunity.

Okay. Sorry. Sorry for my HUMAN EMOTIONS, ALEX.
Hey, speaking of human emotions, can you tell me literally everything you feel about Magnus? I mean like I want a 30 page thesis that's just you calling him pretty and nice over and over and over and over and over.
I wanna print it out and frame it and give it to him as a present.

[garotted]

Don't ever call me any of those things ever again or I'll turn into a dragon and bite your head off.

You should be, they're disgusting.
Now take it down about ten notches.

[shadowglitter]

Okaaaaaaaay...
...
A dragon with a sweet boyfriend. CUTE BUT DEADLY ANALOGY: SUCCESSFULLY LANDED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh! So Magnus actually told me about how you're trying to do some cool charm magic stuff for your new house?
I don't know if you need any help, but when it comes to forays into the realm of the mystical and the impossible my sorcery is kind of unparalleled both in substance and style.
He asked me to check in so I'm checking in! Let me know if you need help at all.
I won't even scream about how this is a quest or anything. Well, I will, but not to you.

[garotted]

I will accept this analogy offering.

If you promise to actually be chill and not fling rainbow glitter at me or set off fireworks or anything Extra, I wouldn't say no to seeing how you do things.

[shadowglitter]

That is a ridiculous limitation.

Why don't you just ask to cut off my arms or something?
WHY DON'T YOU JUST BREAK MY LEGS AS WELL AS MY SPIRIT, ALEX.

[garotted]

I'd cut them off myself if they'd eventually grow back.
And don't tempt me, I've crushed the spirits of gods and monsters.

[shadowglitter]

Sp
???
Spirits of
Of gods and mons
Monst

[ holy god alex fierro is so fucking cool he's FREAKING OUT. odin thinks he needs to like, set up some kind of mailing system with magnus where every time he wants to scream at alex about how cool and amazing she is he just sends the message to magnus instead so as not to annoy her with a twenty page spiel littered with rainbow sparkles and bullshit analogies all over the place. he decides he's gonna ask magnus if he can do that, actually. ]

This one time a God killed everyone I loved but then this other time a God gave me this mesh bodysuit and it's hard to say which encounter shaped me as a human being more.
But okay.
I'll show you magic without being too Odin-y about it.

[garotted]

Thanks, pal, I knew you could do it.
Or at least try to do it.

Drop by for dinner sometime this week.
Bring ONLY yourself (and whatever you're wearing and whatever you need for magic).
(Seriously, please wear clothes.)
And tell me what dietary restrictions you have, because otherwise I'm just going to cook whatever.

[shadowglitter]

Okay! I will do this thing you've asked of me. This quest? Oh, it's been undertaken. It's been undertaken so good.
I will wear something that is slightly more modest than the Odin-typical naked-with-a-cape aesthetic I typically lean on, which is an exception I'm making for you and you alone, so.
Please don't tell anyone that I've done this or they'll start asking me to do the same around them. This would be an unforgivable sin.

And you can cook whatever, I don't care.
I just killed and ate bear all the time when I was little. I'm really not fussy.

[garotted]

Please at least wear pants, that's all I ask. Real pants that cover all your bits.

So is this literal bear or Odin-is-Exaggerating bear?

[shadowglitter]

I've... planned something different, but the bits will be covered. It's fine.

No, I'm legit! Me and my cousin were on our own for a while between like thirteen and sixteen and we had to live off the land and the streets and stuff.
We had to avoid the cities where most people were, so that typically meant hanging out in the woods or the hills or whatever?
We hunted bears, typically. They were the biggest things to take out with our swords and we needed the combat experience and it felt good surviving on something noble and strong or whatever.
Sounds weird now that I write it out like that, though.

[garotted]

I'm concerned, but I won't challenge it.

You were in the negative cool points, but you've just managed to break even again with this one-two combo of homeless survival and bear-killing.
Do you hike?

[shadowglitter]

IF I BROKE EVEN THAT MEANS I'VE GOT A LITTLE ROOM TO DO SOMETHING NOT-COOL AGAIN!
HAHAHA.
I'M GONNA PUT YOU IN A HEADLOCK AND RUFFLE YOUR HAIR AND CUDDLE YOUR FACE AND TALK ABOUT HOW GREAT YOU ARE!!!!!!!!
GET READY

Oh, uh.
And yeah, sure. Hiking's fun. I haven't really had a chance to do it here, because I'm usually going on stupid adventures,
But I like being out in nature and just relaxing or whatever. It's peaceful.

[garotted]

Not if you want to live through the night, you won't.

Then put adventuring on hold sometime and come with Magnus and I. It'd probably do you some good.

[shadowglitter]

Too late! You've provided me with an opportunity, however accidental that may have been on your part, and now it's happening.
Ahahaha. Ahahahahahahaha. Oh man.
Nothing can save you now.

I WOULD GENUINELY LOVE THAT SO MUCH MORE THAN EVEN I HAVE THE WORDS TO SAY.
Are you going to be mad at me if I get really excited about a bird or something and yell a lot? I'll need to calibrate beforehand, if so.

[garotted]

I will literally eat you alive.

And yes, behave yourself. It's about relaxing, not getting worked up. You can enjoy a bird without screaming about it and scaring it away.